• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

rOCD dealing with my longtime wife ...

Z

ziedite

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 11, 2013
Messages
322
Location
UK
Okay - firstly your wife has a wonderful self image of herself, and being female, I am so impressed as that is hard to have the older one gets. Firstly, what are you comparing you wife to... if its 23 year olds I can guarantee that you will be disappointed. The female body at 50+ will NEVER be like that again. NEVER... Biology, hormones, menopause, you name will all conspire against us to never attain that. Super models who only consume 800 calories a day are generally psycho and not nice people to be around. So you need to make a decision - thinness or niceness. And if the tables were turned and she said to you - you are not a butch six packed man anymore so I am not interested in you, how would you feel. I know I'm being harsh, but kindness, gentleness and genuine love surmount most physical aspects.
 
williamn

williamn

Member
Joined
Jun 21, 2019
Messages
13
Location
houston
Okay - firstly your wife has a wonderful self image of herself, and being female, I am so impressed as that is hard to have the older one gets. Firstly, what are you comparing you wife to... if its 23 year olds I can guarantee that you will be disappointed. The female body at 50+ will NEVER be like that again. NEVER... Biology, hormones, menopause, you name will all conspire against us to never attain that. Super models who only consume 800 calories a day are generally psycho and not nice people to be around. So you need to make a decision - thinness or niceness. And if the tables were turned and she said to you - you are not a butch six packed man anymore so I am not interested in you, how would you feel. I know I'm being harsh, but kindness, gentleness and genuine love surmount most physical aspects.

It is no problem that you are being harsh ...

Everything that you have said is correct - I feel sooo bad ...

You said : "I know I'm being harsh, but kindness, gentleness and genuine love surmount most physical aspects" - THIS IS SOOO TRUE ...

Thank you again ...
 
Z

ziedite

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 11, 2013
Messages
322
Location
UK
Try to work out for yourself where this "image" issue is coming from... it may help you deal with it better.
 
williamn

williamn

Member
Joined
Jun 21, 2019
Messages
13
Location
houston
I will try this for sure - thank you so much for your help ...
 
A

Ashwin

Member
Joined
Aug 9, 2019
Messages
7
Location
Ireland
Hello, how you are getting down now. Did you thoughts went off, please update us.

I am suffering if this ROCD thoughts.
 
Issey

Issey

Member
Joined
Oct 10, 2019
Messages
20
Location
Ontario, Canada
Williamn, one question I have is, do you look exactly the same as you did when you met your wife?

My other thought is, and I am not trying to question your parents relationship, but just give a different view of it. One, as a child most of the time we are not aware of the issues our parents face in their relationship, we see them as our parents, not two people in a relationship. You mentioned that your father was very aware of image, that being said, it would make sense that it would appear that your parents have the "perfect" marriage, your father would be very good at hiding anything that would be preceived as somethimg that would put him or his family in a "bad image", and your mother would help to keep the peace. It would make sense that when your Mom got ill, he would do everything in his power to take care of her as the alternative would have made him look bad. Do you see what I'm getting at, it sounds to me like your father suffers from the same behaviour as your exhibiting.

That being said, I have no experience with ROCD, and have no idea what could help, but I wish you all the best, and hope for you and your wifes sake that you continue to recognize that these thoughts are part of your disorder and get whatever help there is available.
 
Top