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Right so this is real event ocd

lucynah

lucynah

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Joined
Mar 22, 2021
Messages
47
Location
Earth
Tw for suicide

I've posted about this on this forum before but I finally worked out this is real event OCD so I guess here's the place to actually get help for it.

About a year ago a group of users began a I guess kind of campaign against another user. The user they were targeting had done and said some wrong things (saying some transphobic stuff, being unprofessional to some of her workers, firing someone that she'd clearly disliked for quite some time), some of which date back to 2 years ago, so that all went into a huge like 120+ page document of all the reasons they disliked her which was uploaded to the Internet. The user they were targeting had wronged some of these users so in retaliation they essentially I think tried to wreck her career by trying to get her money taken away and leaking the scripts of her stories to the public before they were officially released. Everyone in the online community saw what was happening.

Like I said, this all kicked off last year. For about a year since people have been leaving horrible messages about her on social media, saying like

- They hate her

-calling her a piece of shit and a dirtbag

-saying her art is ugly

-mocking the online series she made as a teenager because she cast and starred herself as the main character

-saying she's a bad person

-telling people not to interact with her

-telling people they will block them if they see you're following her

-keeping note and tabs on which other popular users still follow her

-sneaking onto her internet servers and leaking her posts and then making a video laughing at her when she realizes who it is

-accusing her of stealing

-leaking a convo where she says how upset and paranoid she is that all her conversations are being leaked, and claiming that this is her playing the victim card and guilttripping them

-when she locked down all her social media saying she was being threatened in ways she would never have imagined, they accused her of lying and said she should give them evidence she's being threatened

This is all spanning multiple social media platforms. For the record, I heavily disagree with some stuff this woman has done in the past, and I don't blame anybody for not wanting to talk to her since she has messed up in the past. However, this is just utterly unnecessary. I found it very worrying. Due to a suicide-related incident in my past that traumatized me, I'm quite well aware and educated on suicide and the warning signs, and knew that so many messages like this targeted at a person on social media can sometimes lead to suicide. I was growing increasingly concerned.

I left multiple comments of my own basically saying that I understood why people were angry and that this woman doesn't seem like a saint, but this has gone too far now and it has to stop. I said that saying things like this on the Internet isn't a game, it's actively dangerous for somebody's life and mental health, and that you can dislike her all you want but you don't need to type every nasty thought you have about her onto social media. I said that everyone involved, but particularly the people who originally kicked all of this off, were playing with fire and that it is the responsibility of the people involved to reign everyone else in and tell them to cut it out with the hate messages. I said that there was no way a year-long campaign like this wouldn't harm her mental health in some way, and I said that everyone needs to be aware that they are engaging in an online activity that kills people and that they need to take responsibility and accountability for the fact that if she kills herself because of this, it's on them for not stopping.

For the record I was not saying this woman will definitely kill herself. She very likely won't (due to my past trauma I do get very hypervigilant about suicide). But there is a definite risk when stuff like this has been going on for a year.

I was accused of bullying them back, and that I was suicide baiting. I will admit that at this point I lost my temper and started arguing with someone about it on another social media platform even when they told me to stop talking to them, which was wrong of me and I apologized afterwards. However, I was furious that they accused me of being the bully and of suicide baiting.

Later on though I started really doubting myself. What if I was being abusive and manipulative? What if I was suicide baiting? People kept saying that they weren't bullying her, they were just holding her accountable and that these are just the consequences of her actions. Additionally like I said this woman had made a few transphobic comments (not slurs) in the past which I completely disagree with since I hate transphobia. But I felt like I couldn't just sit there and watch people rip her apart without saying anything.

This all happened a few weeks ago now and I'm still very shaken, worrying that I was being abusive and manipulative and suicide-bait-y. I know this is my OCD but it's still something that's very much on my mind. I panic so hard when someone tells me I've done something wrong.
 
October Rust

October Rust

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 12, 2021
Messages
78
Location
United States
i understand, i also go into a panic when i feel like someone has told me i’ve done something wrong. it’s awful :( i’m sorry you feel this way
 
lucynah

lucynah

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2021
Messages
47
Location
Earth
Thank you to the previous replies.

I'm in a spiral again...I'm obsessing over whether or not I was in the wrong. Like, what if people think that I'm transphobic for defending this woman? When I said multiple times that I don't agree with stuff she's said but also to my knowledge she said this stuff 2 years ago and I think we should give people the chance to change. I'm worried people will think I'm defending an abuser, even though I detest abusers. I think this user has hurt people before and can be quite horrible sometimes, but I don't think she's dangerous by any means.

It felt to me like nobody cared if their words and pile-on could cause a suicide and that made me so angry! I feel as though this isn't rocket science. Criticizing somebody's actions is one thing, and even like, one person getting very angry about it is one thing...but tons and tons and tons of people all being vocal about how much they dislike/hate someone is such a massive risk to that person's mental health! It made me so angry that people were just ignoring how dangerous this is and it did feel like nobody cared if their pile-on resulted in a suicide, because if they cared surely they'd stop? Or at least reign it in a little? WHY DOES NOBODY SEE THIS. I'm so passionate about preventing suicide that when I see people just ignoring the warning signs or mocking me for pointing them out or acting like suicide never happens I get so angry that I do feel like they wouldn't care if someone dies from their actions! And then I calm down and realize ok, no, that's not necessarily true, but just...the red-hot anger is there. The red-hot anger of just realize what you could do.

I've been very affected by suicide and it messed me up so badly. So fucking badly. So when they said things like 'you're running out of ideas to defend her', 'people don't just kill themselves at the drop of a hat', 'you're really calling this bullying?' it felt like they were laughing at me and it made me so angry and upset.

I feel bad for thinking like this. I don't think any of the people involved in this online pile-on are bad people. A few weeks ago when I was talking about this online some people were really tearing into them, and I defended them saying I don't think they're bad people and I don't want people saying things like that on my threads. I was so goddamn angry at them but I still didn't want people saying horrible things about them.

Everyone I've talked to about this has said I was right in saying something and that they are cyberbullies. Logically I know this is true but emotionally I just feel so much guilt. I hate upsetting anybody, so if somebody tells me 'you're suicide baiting me', I just immediately accept what they're saying.

Why did I even get involved in this, honestly.
 
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