Reverie's Anxiety Diary Entry 1

[ReverieAnxiety]

Dear Friends,

Today I went to work. As much as I don't like working for others, I feel that working plays an important role in my life besides money; balance. As much as I'd love to stay home and try to lose weight by doing yoga, I needed to talk to people *shivers* and *drum roll* socialize (c'mon, I'm an introvert)! All jokes aside, while I was at work I was bombarded by intrusive thoughts. You've ever had thoughts that were too loud? That didn't sound like you? I have many of those. It's so hard to be yourself when your mind is occupied by past, current, and future fears. But, for the past couple of days, my intrusive thoughts were different. Those voices became small...I could still hear them, but they aren't loud like they used to be and for that I'm so grateful. They're still bothersome, but slowly and surely, I'm beginning to hear my own voice and I hope that everyone find theirs too. I can't write to much right now because I'm playing League of Legends lol. I'll be back! Please let me know friends, how did you or how are you finding your own voice?

-XOX
Reverie

 

[Bizzarebitrary]

Hi. Well I've always had intrusive thoughts, at times I'd confuse them with The Truth - but the truth is, we are not our thoughts. It only seems so when we hold on to them and they grow and grow.

There is my illness - GAD - and then there's me. It's taken years, journeys, setbacks, therapies for me to see that there's a distinction. I've also relied on people close to me to help me perceive the difference.

And finally, I'm learning to accept anxiety. It was served to me from the mental illness buffet . Maybe I would've ordered something better had I a choice? I certainly could've been served something worse. Acceptance means two seemingly opposite things can both be true at the same time. For instance I'm going out to a party and I'm super anxious - but I can enjoy it, while being really anxious.

 

[Victorianna]

Reverie, good to hear your intrusive thoughts are quieting at work. Hopefully this keeps up - wouldn’t that be nice! Sometimes when I’m with others, I get irritable, like “interacting with you is really keeping me from concentrating on my worried thoughts!” (ha! - like that’s what I need to be doing). It would be nice just to quiet the thoughts and enjoy the moment. Glad it’s happening for you.

 

[ReverieAnxiety]

Hi. Well I've always had intrusive thoughts, at times I'd confuse them with The Truth - but the truth is, we are not our thoughts. It only seems so when we hold on to them and they grow and grow.

There is my illness - GAD - and then there's me. It's taken years, journeys, setbacks, therapies for me to see that there's a distinction. I've also relied on people close to me to help me perceive the difference.

And finally, I'm learning to accept anxiety. It was served to me from the mental illness buffet . Maybe I would've ordered something better had I a choice? I certainly could've been served something worse. Acceptance means two seemingly opposite things can both be true at the same time. For instance I'm going out to a party and I'm super anxious - but I can enjoy it, while being really anxious.

Hi Bizzarebitrary!

I love how you said you were served from the mental illness buffet. It's true, things can be much worse in life than where we are at now. And although we suffer from anxiety, it's my promise to myself to make the best out of any situation that I'm in. There's just got to be a way for us to win in life somehow. I'm interested to know how long you've had GAD and how have the people in your life helped you differentiate between your truth. Please lemme know!

-Reverie

 

[ReverieAnxiety]

Reverie, good to hear your intrusive thoughts are quieting at work. Hopefully this keeps up - wouldn’t that be nice! Sometimes when I’m with others, I get irritable, like “interacting with you is really keeping me from concentrating on my worried thoughts!” (ha! - like that’s what I need to be doing). It would be nice just to quiet the thoughts and enjoy the moment. Glad it’s happening for you.

Victorianna!

I love your name btw. It's so unique, quite lovely! I totally relate to wanting to be alone with my own thoughts and I think that may be due to being both anxious and being an introvert. Sometimes it feels like a vicious cycle. Also, I'm constantly trying to troubleshoot and solve my anxiety problems. So what kind of moments do you enjoy?

-Reverie

 

[Victorianna]

Reverie- I like quiet times, with my family or alone. I’m definitely an introvert, too, and always have been.
Let me know if you have any good troubleshooting tips for anxiety - besides medicine, right now I’m at a loss as to how to get it under control. I am trying to do what you suggested, just letting the panic be and not trying to struggle against it. It helps a bit.
Anyway, sorry to highjack your journal! I’m enjoying reading what you write.

 

[ReverieAnxiety]

Hello Victorianna!

So far I've just been accepting my anxiety and letting whatever feelings emerge process fully. I have a tendency to "sweep everything under a rug" especially with negative emotions and eventually, so much dust builds up under the rug that I can no longer have a smooth surface to walk out and the dusts begins to spill out from under the rug. It's definitely hard to let myself feel those emotions and yet at the same time trying to be who I really am at the moment. I find myself with obsessive thoughts, but at the same time I know that those thoughts aren't mines. So, I let those thoughts have a voice, but my own voice will be stronger. Forcing myself to be around people and connect with others helped me a lot of well although it takes a lot of effort. But, sometimes those hard things that you have to do are the things that help you the most. I mean how easy would it be to just stay home and eat a Neapolitan ice cream sandwich bar in seclusion? Being honest with myself was definitely a big part to troubleshooting my anxiety. Get really down and dirty with what you really want, what you really need, and it's ok to be afraid. I've watched a couple youtube videos on abandonment, I'm 100% sure that is where my anxiety stems from, and it's helped me learned a lot about my thought process. The videos are kind of lengthy, but see if it can help you! It's an interview from a psychotherapist named Susan Anderson who works with abandonment issues.

Can't wait to hear what you think about the interview!

-Reverie

 

[ReverieAnxiety]

P.s I'm very happy that you enjoy reading what I write! I feel more encouraged to reach out more to the community and look forward to chatting with you even more now.

 

[Victorianna]

I listened to some of the radio program on abandonment. While it’s not a feeling I deal with, I’m so sorry that you do. I’m glad this is helping you.
There are so many paths to being stuck in anxiety! Anyway, good to talk with you about it.

 

[Jules5]

Reverie Thanks for linking tapes on about Attachment. I always I had Reactive Attachment Disorder (RADS). I can not view them now But definitely will when I get out of this "rabbit hole!" lol. I use to have terrible anxiety and then I went I valium and anti depressant it seems to slow the process down. I would go into coughing fits when I became scared anxious. I could not speak just kept coughing. Horrible experiences to go through. Now I just lose my breathe when anxiety pops in my life.

 

[ReverieAnxiety]

I listened to some of the radio program on abandonment. While it’s not a feeling I deal with, I’m so sorry that you do. I’m glad this is helping you.
There are so many paths to being stuck in anxiety! Anyway, good to talk with you about it.

Hello Victorianna!

You're absolutely correct, anxiety can be cause from ao many things! Where does your anxiety stem from?

-Reverie

 

[Victorianna]

That’s a good question. I’m not sure - I just worry a lot.