Revenge helped me bring my self esteem back.

Lyotto1

Lyotto1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 17, 2017
Messages
59
My brother used to molest me and beat me while i was a child. He would beat me for no reason and hit my skull till i have bad headaches during the day. If i cover my head he would then pinch my arms till my skin bleeds. I used to yell and cry asking him to stop and call him you stupid you dog etc...then he ask me to dare call him names again and i do call him again and tell him i'm not scared of you (but i was very scared) and he will beat me even harder. He ask me to go out and by things for him like some slave and if i say no he would kick me with his foot. He once kicked me accidentally in my private parts i was in agony criplling on the floor ( to this day i have chronic prostate pains from that. He literally killed my self esteem and i developped a social anxiety. the sexual abuse stopped at 12 but the beating continued for many years. The only way i was able to stop the physical violence was to protect myself like anyone would in a prison... work out bulk up as much as you to can to ward off any assault on u. Funny many ppl work out to look in good shape. I had to work out to not end up with a bleeding mouth and a sore stomach and crushed spirit. at 17 i was able to throw him to the floor and make him receive his first punch in the face. That made him more violent and made me more hopeful to one day be able to kick his arse. I started learning elbows knees undercuts ans dirty boxing and more offenses then the normal defense i used to do. The other month i was finally able to tell all my family that he molested me as a child.... he denied it and nobody did fuck all about it. That angered me. A few days ago he was sat at home in the living room watching tv. I searched round the house to make sure we was alone. I came back to him sat next to him very close. I asked him (we never talked me and him about what happened in my childood before) do you remember when you used to molest me on this same place where we sat now? he looked at me disturbed and said nobody will ever believe you and then he made a fake smile yet he looked scared trying to not look scared. I acted like i was leaving the room and came back and punched him in the face ...kneed him elbowed his face and dragged him on the floor he thrown punches blindly missing most of them..some landed on my eyebrow and ear and i bled. The burning pain and blood brought me all the painful memories of my childhood and what he did to me and how miserable my life been because of him. I was crying yelling fuckkkkkkk you and beating him to the floor. I wasnt even trying to evade his punches i forgot everything i learnt and just exploded on him with punches and was crying....the more i punched the less he defended himself...he was slowing down till he passed out and i didnt realize it. I didnt know when to stop.. i was extremly emotional and having a break down... i beat him till he was bleeding from his nose, mouth and forehead passed. Once i stopped i was shaking. I walked out the house and left him there... i walked randomly and sat near a symmetry and sobbed for like a whole hour... i kept that all inside me for years and now it came out. I felt liberated i felt that i have took my vengance. I seen him the next day...I was glad he's a life but his face wasnt ok...he didnt even look at me like he normally would he looked away. My sister told me later he broke three of his teeth and was taking painkillers for bad headaches :))))))))) big smile right there. He gave a little innocent helpless child headaches with beating his head all the time..it was time he tasted some of his own medicine!!!! my sister is the only who knows he got beaten by his brother and not a stranger like he says. I still feel good to remember beating him???? does that make me a violent person?? honestly i dont care.
 
Lyotto1

Lyotto1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 17, 2017
Messages
59
For so many years i hated to look in his face as it was draining and disturbing for me and made me feel so dirty and disgusting. Now whenever i come across him i look him in the eye and i grin with joy and he looks away in silence and walk past. DONT forgive your molester give him hell if you can when you can!!!!!!!! Even god in islam asked to seek revenge and said its a sin to not claim justice when you can. I didnt event sin!!!
 
Lyotto1

Lyotto1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 17, 2017
Messages
59
Find myself a new gf...one that i wanna marry. Eraze him from my brain for ever.... I lived with hate and seek for vengance since a child. I deserve a break from hate amd love somone with all of my heart and be loved back same as strongly. Whats next? I work towards being happy. Its not complicated.
 
B

Boring

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 29, 2017
Messages
1,885
Location
Bronx, New York
sometimes violence only seeds more violence, even from others. be careful. you're one of my only friends, lyotto
 
B

Boring

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 29, 2017
Messages
1,885
Location
Bronx, New York
on the upside, you seem like a tough dude. i wouldn't be surprised if you become a professional boxer who attracts all the ladies!
 
G

goodgollymiss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 6, 2017
Messages
368
Maybe you can pray that your brother won't suffer in the next world
 
Lyotto1

Lyotto1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 17, 2017
Messages
59
You need to stand up to violence with violence if you're on your own. I seeked my parents help before and it didnt change nothing. He will take the opportunity when they are not around. He wont dare to get back at me...He's always anticipated my revenge as he knew i was holding a big grudge on him and was very vindictive. Now he will be glad that i took my anger on him so i will leave him alone...Its like some sort of truce. So it will be all ok. Thanx for your concern boring very appreciated. Professional boxer ?? hahahahah. Boxing wouldnt suit me. I like the ground and pound action. MMA will give me that. Havent trained for a while as i got over motivated recently and had some minor muscle tissue tear in my low abdomin from fast track running. Waiting for it to heal to get back to my performance.
 
Lyotto1

Lyotto1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 17, 2017
Messages
59
Maybe you can pray that your brother won't suffer in the next world
Never! He's a demon. Leave that for god to decide. You wont pray for him if he done to u what he done to me.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
E Mental Health Experiences 12
Similar threads
Does Anyone Feel Helped ?
Top