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Returning to work after 9 months off: Impending doom.

m3dsn

m3dsn

New member
Joined
Jan 21, 2010
Messages
4
Location
Midlands
Hello hello.
This is my first post, so I'm just testing the waters really.
I guess I'm just posting because I need to vent. Advice would be great though (if it's allowed?)

Ok, as the title says, I'm due to start work again on Monday morning after being signed off work for 9 months with depression and BPD.
I am still signed off work, at the recommendation of my GP and the CMHT but accidentally landed the interview (and subsequent job offer) after sending out loads and loads of CV's at the request of my Pathways To Work scheme mentor.

Now, I'm as broke as they come. I have debts that need to be paid off, and after sending out CV's with no real desire to actually find work, I've gone and landed myself a job.
The money is shockingly poor and my heads already turned into a snowstorm just thinking about going back to work. I really do not think I am ready.

9 months ago I had a bit of a breakdown with multiple suicide attempts after the stress of work (head chef in France) and a failed relationship became too much. I've been getting gradually better over the past 9 months and after a few slip-ups along the way, feel as though I am progressing. I'm due to get an increase on my ESA payment in a few weeks time and I've been referred to a psychiatrist (1st appointment is on the 27th) so I'm torn.

I don't know what to do.

If I start the job on Monday (shitty minimum wage retail), I can see myself spinning out of control again.
Since the breakdown, I've not been handling stress well. I've been managing to function on a basic level, but only with the aid of notes/alarms and reminders to do simple tasks like going to the shops, doing housework and washing etc. And feeling so anxious and snowed under already makes me think that this is too much too soon.

I really do not think that I'm in the right frame of mind to be starting a full time job just now, especially with the new psychiatrist appointment so soon etc.

Basically, I don't want to start the job and spiral out of control, having to quit again after a week or so. If I do, mentally I'll be back to square one and my ESA claim and Pathways To Work scheme will both stop and default back to square one too, as of 9 months ago.

I accepted the job yesterday and am due to start Monday morning. I don't think I'm ready.
 
DiagnosisBipolar2

DiagnosisBipolar2

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2009
Messages
261
Location
Wiltshire
Hi there and welcome to the forum:)

I'm not one for telling people what they should do as I believe people should make their own decisions. However I believe the answer to your problem is in your posting; it is the wrong time for you and you are setting yourself up for a fail.

I believe you already know what you should do.

It's not to late to change your mind you know Monday is four days away;)
 
KP1

KP1

Well-known member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2008
Messages
1,500
I agree you seem to know what you need to do. I tried returning to work twice unsuccessfully and my health deteriorated each time. Its frustrating not being able to work but sometimes better for us.
KP
 
S

Soren

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 16, 2009
Messages
91
Location
uk
hi,

i'm not sure i understand how you ended up applying for a job - it sounds like you just got snowballed into it. i could certainly understand how that might happen.

my advice is the same as the others' - if you're really not ready, you need to phone up whoever you need to phone, and tell them the whole story - including that you were never sure, and that you felt you had to go along with it all (if that's actually what happened, obviously - i don't want to put words in your mouth).

i've found over the years, that when you're in a bad state of mind, you sometimes can't be assertive about your wishes, especially if you feel guilty about being on benefits etc.

i have massive sympathy with you predicament friend, i hope you end up with a good situation. soren.
 
M

medsn

New member
Joined
May 12, 2009
Messages
4
Hi guys.
Thanks for your words of wisdom:)
As you say, I do ultimately know what's right for me. I just wanted to test the waters and see if I was being irrational or not. I tend to have to gauge my reactions against 'reality' these days..!

Anywhom, I've decided to go in on Monday morning.
If by the end of the day it becomes too much, I'll reconsider then.
I guess I can get away with not phoning the benefits office to cancel my ESA 'till tuesday. That way I don't lose out if it all goes A over T.
Is that wrong?

I've got family breathing down my neck nagging me to go in. I've kept it a secret from the majority of them, all bar one. I thought that would be a good idea, less pressure.
I guess it was one too many!

Thanks again guys.
 
S

Soren

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 16, 2009
Messages
91
Location
uk
glad you're giving it a bash - good luck mate, hope it goes well.:)
 
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