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Returning crises, burn out, depression relapse, or what???

cathy340

cathy340

Active member
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
30
Hi there, so I'll just get right down to it:

I'm doing an access course and so far I'm getting the highest grades on my essays on average. A couple of months ago I had a big meltdown and wanted to drop out and couldn't get myself to write an essay at all because it was like I was not able to come up with any cogent arguments and when I tried it was all chaotic etc. I was on venlafaxine then, I've been off it for about 2 months now and I seem to be having another crisis like that.

I've started having extreme mood swings some 2 weeks ago and my family noticed that I am excessively irritable all the time. I keep cycling between angry, crying, and motivated and it's taking only minutes for my mood to change.

So I'm thinking could the venlafaxine discontinuation have brought this on? I was tapering it down for a few months before I completely stopped. It's really bad, like one minute I am feeling really motivated and inspired to write whatever and literally next minute I'm crying because I can't concentrate or can't write logically or something small upsets me like someone not putting something back in the right place.

I got an extension for the deadline of one of my essays but I don't think I can meet it because I have less than 2 days to finish the essay and I only have one paragraph. And a thing that may have thrown me out of balance is that I need to get the max amount of top grades to get into the uni I want but I know that's not possible because I already have 2 essays at a less than perfect grade and I can't redo them so I'm running on luck. If there's a space left in he course I applied for they might take me. I don't even know if I want to study what I applied for though so I'm just thoroughly confused and this same confusion about my future was a part of my previous crisis.

So anyway, I don't know why I am writing here, I suppose I just want to rant or some advice.

I don't want to go back on venlafaxine or any other meds because I get derealisation and depersonalisation which are unbearable, along with feeling like a zombie. But I also don't know how to keep working despite feeling shit. The worst month is ahead of me - 4 deadlines. I don't know what to do. I don't want to give up now, that's silly, I'm almost done with the year, but I can't physically get myself to do my work. I feel like my cognitive abilities have gone down in the last 2 weeks.

Don't suggest therapy, I've tried it and many different types and I hate it.
 
cathy340

cathy340

Active member
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
30
Also, I didn't tell my gp I was gradually reducing my dose of venlafaxine. I just researched a bit about how to come off it and did what I was comfortable with, so over at least two months I went from 150mg to 75mg, then 37.5mg, and then I started opening up the 37.5mg capsules and I took out the little grains, every week I'd take one out until I was taking something like 9mg a day. Then I stopped completely and had brain zaps and no other major withdrawal symptoms.

Now I'm scared that even if I do decide I need to go back on it, I don't know how my gp will react. I could lie and say my psychiatrist in Poland told me to go off it like that and I couldn't be bothered to inform my gp? (I don't actually see the psychiatrist in Poland any more, it was a year ago).
 
Nikita

Nikita

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jun 20, 2015
Messages
4,860
Hi Violetscarletblue,
It is highly likely the mood problems you are having are due to withdrawals from the venlafaxine, the part where you stop it completely is when the withdrawals are most severe.What I suggest is either going back onto the lowest dose you were on before you stopped or ride it out,it may take three months for the problems to stop completely though.So you might want to restart on the lowest dose you were on just to get through getting your essay work done.It is up to you.

As far as essay work and university goes, you can only do your best ,my thoughts are if you are just starting this access course aren't you being hard on yourself expecting the highest grades right from the start. Aren't we meant to get better as we get more knowledge and practice?Be kind to yourself is my advice and worry about grades further into the access course.

It should get clearer which course,university,direction for you as you go along,it is early days yet.Good Luck!Nikitax
 
C

Coastatsunset

Guest
:welcome: Hi ScarlettBlue,

I hope you find this site helpful.

Have you actually had a diagnosis by a psychiatrist??

The fluctuations in mood sound awful....I'm sorry that it's affecting you so badly.....

Maybe push for a second clinical opinion perhaps?? Could be hysteria???, but I think diagnoses like that went out with the Victorian age???

My best wishes xx
 
W

waitingforsummer

Guest
Hi Violet,

Good luck with your access course. I did one quite a few years ago and it was the best thing i ever did and it got me in to uni. I know you want to get the best grades you can, but in the long term as long as you pass this course the grades don't matter much at all. I hope you enjoy the course and the college experience.

I have tried to come off SSRI medication myself but the withdrawals were too difficult for me. It can really affect you. So, yeah, your current problems may be down to the withdrawals. Im going to stay on them for now until a more peaceful and stable time in my life.

You should tell your GP. Most GPs will understand and are probably used to people taking different doses than prescribed. It will help your GP understand you and your situation so you can work together as a team.

Best Wishes to you xx
 
W

waitingforsummer

Guest
As for essays, putting alot of pressure on yourself to pass 1st time with excellent grades is really hard. Im a perfectionist and used to do that to myself. Then i started using this trick which might work for you too...

I would always end up with nothing written down and running out of time for the deadline. Then the pressure would make my mind go blank and i would feel even more under pressure, panicked and unable to write.

So i used some reverse psychology: At my uni, if you failed an assignment you were allowed a 2nd attempt as long as you had submitted something for the first attempt. So I always told myself that i was probably going to fail the assignment on the 1st attempt. But i knew as long as i handed 'something' in, i would then be able to pass on the 2nd attempt. This massively reduced the pressure on myself and made me just get writing...so that i could hand something in on the 1st attempt. As a result, the pressure lifted and i started to enjoy the whole proccess of putting my essays together.....and i passed everything 1st time with good marks!!

I just thought i would share this with you because it might work for you too.....if it makes sense!

Good luck with the rest of your course :hug:
 
cathy340

cathy340

Active member
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
30
Nikita - The course last only one year and we have less than 2 months left till the end, so no, it's not the beginning of it unfortunately. I applied for a course that asks for 45 distinctions (that's the maximum you can get on the course) but I already got a few grades below that so now the max amount of distinctions I can get is 39. So, this means I might not be accepted onto my chosen course and I won't find out until August. I will think about going back on a low dose of venlafaxine, but right now I probably should ask my tutor for another extension and explain to her what is happening. Hopefully she'll be ok with it.

Coastatsunset - I was diagnosed with clinical depression and GAD a couple of years ago. And yeah hysteria is not a thing any more and it was a rather sexist "condition": "a condition thought to be exclusive to women – sending them uncontrollably and neurotically insane owing to a dysfunction of the uterus".

waitingforsummer - Well, unfortunatelly grades matter a bit in my case because I want to go to unis that offer a wide choice of units within a degree. Not a lot do apparently, and ones that do tend to ask for best grades. I might just try tell myself to relax and I'll apply to another uni that asks for lower grades through clearing in the summer, but that's a bit risky.

Thanks for your replies :)
 
W

waitingforsummer

Guest
waitingforsummer - Well, unfortunatelly grades matter a bit in my case because I want to go to unis that offer a wide choice of units within a degree. Not a lot do apparently, and ones that do tend to ask for best grades. I might just try tell myself to relax and I'll apply to another uni that asks for lower grades through clearing in the summer, but that's a bit risky.

Thanks for your replies :)
Oh...sorry i didn't realise that. When i did my access course the uni's didn't count how many distinctions you got, but it was a while ago i did it. Seems like it's harder now than when i did it. You seem very determined so i hope you get in to a good uni of your choice xxx
 

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