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Returning after many years. Very long in depth explanation &update.am I manic?

antonialost

antonialost

Active member
Joined
Sep 16, 2011
Messages
26
Location
Luton Beds
Hiii

Please be aware this is an extremely long post....please don't be put off.....would really appreciate some insights...thanks in advance!

So...my last post here was in aug 2012. A heck of a lot gone down in 7 years...
In my last post I was under care of physciatrist in Milton Keynes as I had zero luck,help or progress been started on venlafaxine, diagnosed with clinical depression,anxiety and borderline personality disorder .I had tried CBT and talk therapies,but just found they did more harm than good, I was trying out hypnosis as a recovery method....

I'd love to say that things got better, in life and mental health.....no such luck...
Since then I have gone through a relationship breakdown resulting in divorce and house sale, used and taken advantage of by a so called best friend, taking risks ie sexual activity... meeting strangers,strange places,unprotected sex, met so many I lost count ,forgot people I'd met sometimes within days of meeting them <I'd forget details like thier name,~~~~sometimes I didn't even know there name,when wed met ..spent money reclasly...tried MDMA (bad reaction..lesson learned...) Neglected my health in every aspect though I did always take my medication...distanced myself from family and friends...I now have one friend...literally....my relationship with family is strained...I've dug myself into financial mess...debts up to the sky, would go without food ( for a long time relied on food banks and the church for help)...

Present day....I'm now on venlafaxine 300mg (recently been increased by mental health worker) he took me off respiridone as he didn't think I suffered physcosis..(he thinks I have unstable personality disorder. I think he will be re referring me for physciatrist again. Not feeling too positive about this due to history with this, but trying to give it a go,try again ,give it the benefit of the doubt...Suffer badly with insomnia. Tried a few sleeping tablets...nothing worked...(anyone else think zoplicone leaves a nasty taste for literally days) prescribed promethezine 10mg which is a anti histamine with sedating effects....taken for a month now and hasn't done anything for sleep...as an allergy med it's not great either , I have scabs in my nose, extremely itchy ears and terrible cattarah....so I've stopped the promethezine and started my ceterizine again which will hopefully clear the allergy symptoms...

My housing has become uncertain due to my financial strains. I have rental arrears...not yet served with eviction notice...but it won't be long....I'm getting help and support from the council (though they can't re house me till I get my eviction notice and become homeless iminantly) there is a company called Penrose who are also supporting me...
I have been to citizens advice and I'm now in a debt relief period...all being well all my debts and rental arrears will be cleared ...fresh start....I've set up affordable payment plans for bills---have a strict budget so bills will always get paid so I can't get in this mess again...just need to sort housing as can't afford the rent in a 3 bed anymore...

My support network from professionals at the moment is very good...I'm getting all the help and support available to me....
As for family,friends and people i can talk to....that's not so great....infact pretty non existent...

My dad and I are strained at the moment...weve never been massivly close,though I would have always said I was a daddy's girl...hes not particularly affectionate or forthcoming with love or feelings....he is up north, I'm south..havent seen him for about 2 years (not unusal) but do keep in close contact via text , occasionally a phone call (only if I call him) ****that had gotten less as I shut myself away from EVERYONE!.but recently I've been trying to contact more.I've been a huge burden to him financially while in my self destruct state...he and grandma paid off a chunk of my debts ....but since then...for about a year...I'm always asking dad for help with money....in my defence it's always for electric, food, heating,help with travel or medication etc...ranging from £5 to £50 usually around £20-30....I've been asking him too often...sometimes as much as once a week....he used to be in a better position financially,but since being medically retired he only had his pension,he's not able to claim benefits ,he's supported heavily by his wife...
Lately if I ask for money his response 80% of the time is no....regardless of how much or what I'm needing it for...on the occasions he helps, he tells me he's not happy about this,he can't keep doing it and won't do it again....then transfers...
I know I really ought to stop asking him...just get desperate sometimes and I honestly think no matter how old a daughter gets she should always be able to ask her daddy for help) +++please don't hate on me for this,I feel poo about it
I try to keep him in loop with my housing and finances....I do try to keep him up to date with my mental health too....but tbh he don't really get it...offers little sympathy or encouragement...

My boyfriend has his own mental health issues ...I've been supporting him massively....I encouraged him to stop work,so he could get out of an environment that was leading him down a destructive path...he's had some help with his mental health,medicated and they really seem to suit/help him...certainly help with his sleep anyway...he's kicked some serious habits,that were not good.hes waiting on a physciatrist referral.
He doesn't handle stress too well,pretty poor infact...he pretty much leaves me to the finances ,budgeting etc, basically anything that will stress him...I deal with..cos his stress gets me stressed and it's counter productive..
His coping mechanism is to not think about things, try block them out,hides rather than dealing...he needs the TV to distract himself,he can't handle silence ( in this respect polar opposite to me as I need quiet)....
He feels ready to get back into work, but something different to what he did before...generally speaking Hes a grafter...hard working....gets a thrill from earning and having money...also think he needs the routine...I'm just asking him to take his time, and perhaps help me get the housing sorted first...
He is supportive,he's helped me apply for benefits,encouraged me to get mental help again, helped me get on a bus for first time in years,ridded me of the evil so called friend that used me,he makes me laugh...
That said, I can't really talk to him ...it's more like I'm talking at him...most the time I have to repeat myself cos he's totally lost in the TV...he doesn't generally offer much input with things...
On a side note Our sex life has diminished...what once was extremely hot and satisfying is now pretty much non existent....he has completely lost his sex drive, no desire for it at all...I'm trying to be patient and understanding....but I'm extremely highly sexed....need it often....actually physically feel I need it...we have an agreement that on occasion I can see other guys...we are extremely open in our relationship,we have tried swinging,he's been with other women and me other men...it may sound crazy....but it kinda works...that said he hasn't been with other women for some time...but doesn't mind me meeting others...(I don't do it often...once a week at most-id be on it daily if I could...haha)

My one and only friend also has her own mental health problems....we used to be extremely close...we actually met off here all those years back....I text chat with her every day, make sure she's ok..talk on phone occasionally..don't see her as often anymore as her mental health isn't great atm..plus she's always got something wrong with her physically....I do feel sometimes it's abit one sided....it's rare she will text me if I haven't text her....if I try to talk feelings or mood etc she will usually say....I can't talk about this it will bring me down ...so...I can't really rely on her...

Other than that I have my grandma but she is getting old,has her ailments and she would just worry and feel guilty she can't see or hug me....
I have a few people I talk to online...some are people I've worked with or knew in the past, some I met online but never met in person, some guys that I've met in the past...
Some of them have said the usual things like you can always talk to me...any time.....I've occasionally reached out but just find that people generally don't have the time of day or can't be arsed...
So really I guess that's why I've come here tonight....

Currently I'm sorting my debts,trying to secure affordable housing...health appointments for teeth (neglected and poor state) eyes, blood tests, etc etc....all while supporting my bf, trying to control my own mental health and all that goes with it, and chronic insomnia...

Since last Monday at 6am I have been in an almost mental state of mind..Google's symptoms of mania~~ I pretty much have all of them ...I'm no doctor i know,plus internet can be mis leading...but I've certainly felt manic...acting very unusual,hyperactive,euphoric almost,buzzing...felt on a high...acting obsessively with a few things..zero appetite,going days without food..my sleep has pretty much been none existent....3 days in a row no sleep, then since a maximum of 2-4hours a night...was prescribed temazapam 10mg yesterday,to take one a day every other day,given 14 tablets....I was naughty , I took two....simply because no other sleeper has worked previously...plus have major sleep deprivation right now I wanted to pass out for like a day...no luck, it did nothing for my sleep...I had the usual 4 hours rest...little sleep, but not good sleep and not for long...not what I hoped for....my mind however seems a little calmer....bit more relaxed....tbh my mood is surprisingly good, I feel positive,determined,energetic,I'm kind of enjoying it....is that crazy??? It's weird I almost don't want to sleep...like I'm going to miss something....as a rule I live in bed....atm...I just don't want to go to bed....make any sense?
My memory is shocking....if I don't literally write it down straight away,it's gone from my mind seconds later and I can't for the life of me remember what I was thinking or going to do....shocking short term memory...(post it notes are my new friend,both on my tablet and to write on...I've got abit obsessive over it..)
I'm also extremely jumpy, kinda nervous...very sensitive to noise ,need quiet...
Other annoying things with my health....my body aches, all over, pains in back,legs arms...high cholesterol,close to danger zone for diabetes, my appetite is non existent, I'm being physically sick almost every day....

My biggest worry really is that at some point I'm going to crash or get really ill....burn out...worried about slipping into a deep depression...or am I guna snap and go crazy...
This is strange but as worrying and tiring this "episode" has been....it kinda beats sleeping all day,awake at night,no energy,miserable,vegetable.numb.

So....that's a long post....don't really know what I'm hoping for here tbh..just good to get it all out....do hope some of you read,and don't get put off by length...any insight to whether I could be in a manic state welcomed...any advice or thoughts please do message xxx
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Z

ziedite

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 11, 2013
Messages
302
Location
UK
Hi antonialost...you're right it was a long post. But obviously you needed to get stuff off your chest so to speak and see what comfort you might get. I don't know much about mania, but I'm sure our fellow forum-ers will be able to advise. But getting sleep seems like its essential for you right now... and proper 8 hour uninterrupted sleep. The mix of meds you're taking are probably affecting your sleep habits so if you can get to see a psychiatrist rather than your GP to advise about meds that might be a first step. They tend to know more about them in general.

The fact that you are sorting out your housing and your debts is great and courageous news. Be very proud of yourself that you have the strength to do just that. Many don't. Tell us what you need here and we'll try to help. Take care.
 
L

LuC

Member
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Messages
11
Location
Havant
Hiii

Please be aware this is an extremely long post....please don't be put off.....would really appreciate some insights...thanks in advance!

So...my last post here was in aug 2012. A heck of a lot gone down in 7 years...
In my last post I was under care of physciatrist in Milton Keynes as I had zero luck,help or progress been started on venlafaxine, diagnosed with clinical depression,anxiety and borderline personality disorder .I had tried CBT and talk therapies,but just found they did more harm than good, I was trying out hypnosis as a recovery method....

I'd love to say that things got better, in life and mental health.....no such luck...
Since then I have gone through a relationship breakdown resulting in divorce and house sale, used and taken advantage of by a so called best friend, taking risks ie sexual activity... meeting strangers,strange places,unprotected sex, met so many I lost count ,forgot people I'd met sometimes within days of meeting them <I'd forget details like thier name,~~~~sometimes I didn't even know there name,when wed met ..spent money reclasly...tried MDMA (bad reaction..lesson learned...) Neglected my health in every aspect though I did always take my medication...distanced myself from family and friends...I now have one friend...literally....my relationship with family is strained...I've dug myself into financial mess...debts up to the sky, would go without food ( for a long time relied on food banks and the church for help)...

Present day....I'm now on venlafaxine 300mg (recently been increased by mental health worker) he took me off respiridone as he didn't think I suffered physcosis..(he thinks I have unstable personality disorder. I think he will be re referring me for physciatrist again. Not feeling too positive about this due to history with this, but trying to give it a go,try again ,give it the benefit of the doubt...Suffer badly with insomnia. Tried a few sleeping tablets...nothing worked...(anyone else think zoplicone leaves a nasty taste for literally days) prescribed promethezine 10mg which is a anti histamine with sedating effects....taken for a month now and hasn't done anything for sleep...as an allergy med it's not great either , I have scabs in my nose, extremely itchy ears and terrible cattarah....so I've stopped the promethezine and started my ceterizine again which will hopefully clear the allergy symptoms...

My housing has become uncertain due to my financial strains. I have rental arrears...not yet served with eviction notice...but it won't be long....I'm getting help and support from the council (though they can't re house me till I get my eviction notice and become homeless iminantly) there is a company called Penrose who are also supporting me...
I have been to citizens advice and I'm now in a debt relief period...all being well all my debts and rental arrears will be cleared ...fresh start....I've set up affordable payment plans for bills---have a strict budget so bills will always get paid so I can't get in this mess again...just need to sort housing as can't afford the rent in a 3 bed anymore...

My support network from professionals at the moment is very good...I'm getting all the help and support available to me....
As for family,friends and people i can talk to....that's not so great....infact pretty non existent...

My dad and I are strained at the moment...weve never been massivly close,though I would have always said I was a daddy's girl...hes not particularly affectionate or forthcoming with love or feelings....he is up north, I'm south..havent seen him for about 2 years (not unusal) but do keep in close contact via text , occasionally a phone call (only if I call him) ****that had gotten less as I shut myself away from EVERYONE!.but recently I've been trying to contact more.I've been a huge burden to him financially while in my self destruct state...he and grandma paid off a chunk of my debts ....but since then...for about a year...I'm always asking dad for help with money....in my defence it's always for electric, food, heating,help with travel or medication etc...ranging from £5 to £50 usually around £20-30....I've been asking him too often...sometimes as much as once a week....he used to be in a better position financially,but since being medically retired he only had his pension,he's not able to claim benefits ,he's supported heavily by his wife...
Lately if I ask for money his response 80% of the time is no....regardless of how much or what I'm needing it for...on the occasions he helps, he tells me he's not happy about this,he can't keep doing it and won't do it again....then transfers...
I know I really ought to stop asking him...just get desperate sometimes and I honestly think no matter how old a daughter gets she should always be able to ask her daddy for help) +++please don't hate on me for this,I feel poo about it
I try to keep him in loop with my housing and finances....I do try to keep him up to date with my mental health too....but tbh he don't really get it...offers little sympathy or encouragement...

My boyfriend has his own mental health issues ...I've been supporting him massively....I encouraged him to stop work,so he could get out of an environment that was leading him down a destructive path...he's had some help with his mental health,medicated and they really seem to suit/help him...certainly help with his sleep anyway...he's kicked some serious habits,that were not good.hes waiting on a physciatrist referral.
He doesn't handle stress too well,pretty poor infact...he pretty much leaves me to the finances ,budgeting etc, basically anything that will stress him...I deal with..cos his stress gets me stressed and it's counter productive..
His coping mechanism is to not think about things, try block them out,hides rather than dealing...he needs the TV to distract himself,he can't handle silence ( in this respect polar opposite to me as I need quiet)....
He feels ready to get back into work, but something different to what he did before...generally speaking Hes a grafter...hard working....gets a thrill from earning and having money...also think he needs the routine...I'm just asking him to take his time, and perhaps help me get the housing sorted first...
He is supportive,he's helped me apply for benefits,encouraged me to get mental help again, helped me get on a bus for first time in years,ridded me of the evil so called friend that used me,he makes me laugh...
That said, I can't really talk to him ...it's more like I'm talking at him...most the time I have to repeat myself cos he's totally lost in the TV...he doesn't generally offer much input with things...
On a side note Our sex life has diminished...what once was extremely hot and satisfying is now pretty much non existent....he has completely lost his sex drive, no desire for it at all...I'm trying to be patient and understanding....but I'm extremely highly sexed....need it often....actually physically feel I need it...we have an agreement that on occasion I can see other guys...we are extremely open in our relationship,we have tried swinging,he's been with other women and me other men...it may sound crazy....but it kinda works...that said he hasn't been with other women for some time...but doesn't mind me meeting others...(I don't do it often...once a week at most-id be on it daily if I could...haha)

My one and only friend also has her own mental health problems....we used to be extremely close...we actually met off here all those years back....I text chat with her every day, make sure she's ok..talk on phone occasionally..don't see her as often anymore as her mental health isn't great atm..plus she's always got something wrong with her physically....I do feel sometimes it's abit one sided....it's rare she will text me if I haven't text her....if I try to talk feelings or mood etc she will usually say....I can't talk about this it will bring me down ...so...I can't really rely on her...

Other than that I have my grandma but she is getting old,has her ailments and she would just worry and feel guilty she can't see or hug me....
I have a few people I talk to online...some are people I've worked with or knew in the past, some I met online but never met in person, some guys that I've met in the past...
Some of them have said the usual things like you can always talk to me...any time.....I've occasionally reached out but just find that people generally don't have the time of day or can't be arsed...
So really I guess that's why I've come here tonight....

Currently I'm sorting my debts,trying to secure affordable housing...health appointments for teeth (neglected and poor state) eyes, blood tests, etc etc....all while supporting my bf, trying to control my own mental health and all that goes with it, and chronic insomnia...

Since last Monday at 6am I have been in an almost mental state of mind..Google's symptoms of mania~~ I pretty much have all of them ...I'm no doctor i know,plus internet can be mis leading...but I've certainly felt manic...acting very unusual,hyperactive,euphoric almost,buzzing...felt on a high...acting obsessively with a few things..zero appetite,going days without food..my sleep has pretty much been none existent....3 days in a row no sleep, then since a maximum of 2-4hours a night...was prescribed temazapam 10mg yesterday,to take one a day every other day,given 14 tablets....I was naughty , I took two....simply because no other sleeper has worked previously...plus have major sleep deprivation right now I wanted to pass out for like a day...no luck, it did nothing for my sleep...I had the usual 4 hours rest...little sleep, but not good sleep and not for long...not what I hoped for....my mind however seems a little calmer....bit more relaxed....tbh my mood is surprisingly good, I feel positive,determined,energetic,I'm kind of enjoying it....is that crazy??? It's weird I almost don't want to sleep...like I'm going to miss something....as a rule I live in bed....atm...I just don't want to go to bed....make any sense?
My memory is shocking....if I don't literally write it down straight away,it's gone from my mind seconds later and I can't for the life of me remember what I was thinking or going to do....shocking short term memory...(post it notes are my new friend,both on my tablet and to write on...I've got abit obsessive over it..)
I'm also extremely jumpy, kinda nervous...very sensitive to noise ,need quiet...
Other annoying things with my health....my body aches, all over, pains in back,legs arms...high cholesterol,close to danger zone for diabetes, my appetite is non existent, I'm being physically sick almost every day....

My biggest worry really is that at some point I'm going to crash or get really ill....burn out...worried about slipping into a deep depression...or am I guna snap and go crazy...
This is strange but as worrying and tiring this "episode" has been....it kinda beats sleeping all day,awake at night,no energy,miserable,vegetable.numb.

So....that's a long post....don't really know what I'm hoping for here tbh..just good to get it all out....do hope some of you read,and don't get put off by length...any insight to whether I could be in a manic state welcomed...any advice or thoughts please do message xxx
Hi.... wow, how far you have come, you are a warrior! i resonated with somethings and this made me chuckle ...'I honestly think no matter how old a daughter gets she should always be able to ask her daddy for help) +++please don't hate on me for this,I feel poo about it'
I absolutely agree with you, that is what dads are for... I always say to my dad.. 'A dad is for life not just for 18 years' and i bet your dad gets a sense of pride and fulfilment from taking care of you and no doubt feels privileged that you would still consider him someone important and valued enough to lean on!
You have taken your first step by being here. You are strong and i i know you said oh people say i can talk to them but never there. I will be there if you want, i mean it
 
antonialost

antonialost

Active member
Joined
Sep 16, 2011
Messages
26
Location
Luton Beds
Hi antonialost...you're right it was a long post. But obviously you needed to get stuff off your chest so to speak and see what comfort you might get. I don't know much about mania, but I'm sure our fellow forum-ers will be able to advise. But getting sleep seems like its essential for you right now... and proper 8 hour uninterrupted sleep. The mix of meds you're taking are probably affecting your sleep habits so if you can get to see a psychiatrist rather than your GP to advise about meds that might be a first step. They tend to know more about them in general.

The fact that you are sorting out your housing and your debts is great and courageous news. Be very proud of yourself that you have the strength to do just that. Many don't. Tell us what you need here and we'll try to help. Take care.

Thanks for reading and your reply xxx deffo guna take all help I can get with mental health, sleep etc....enoughs enough... They weren't helpful in the past... But really trying to stay positive and open minded, give them the benefit of the doubt... Theres alot more awareness for mental health than when I last had physc involvement... They hot on it.... So who knows... Positive thinking right??
Little worried I'm crashing tonight.... Been a very long spat of increased energy with lack of sleep.... My mood has dipped incredibly... Feeling quite low tonight.... If what I've been going through is mania.... That's usually followed by a major deprresive episode...That's worrying me
 
antonialost

antonialost

Active member
Joined
Sep 16, 2011
Messages
26
Location
Luton Beds
Hi.... wow, how far you have come, you are a warrior! i resonated with somethings and this made me chuckle ...'I honestly think no matter how old a daughter gets she should always be able to ask her daddy for help) +++please don't hate on me for this,I feel poo about it'
I absolutely agree with you, that is what dads are for... I always say to my dad.. 'A dad is for life not just for 18 years' and i bet your dad gets a sense of pride and fulfilment from taking care of you and no doubt feels privileged that you would still consider him someone important and valued enough to lean on!
You have taken your first step by being here. You are strong and i i know you said oh people say i can talk to them but never there. I will be there if you want, i mean it

H thanks for your post hun... Appreciate your kind words.
Not so sure that I've come very far but certainly been through alot and learned alot...
I really wish you were right.... That my dad took pride and fulfilment in caring for me.... But he actually other than helping me finamcially offers basically no support or guidance.... He's most deffinatly not proud of me, quite the opposite... He's dissapointed... In me.... I've massively key him down and been a burden to him... The fact he hasn't messaged in over a week now despite him knowing of my life dramas at the moment... Shows.... He like everyone has given up on me...
Have 1 friend to speak of, too many people have walked away from me... Sometimes literally nothing I've done... Just be born... But eventually everyone walks and gives up..... It's just the way of it
Sorry.... Think I'm dipping tonight... Very fed up...
Thanks for your support xxxx
 
L

LuC

Member
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Messages
11
Location
Havant
H thanks for your post hun... Appreciate your kind words.
Not so sure that I've come very far but certainly been through alot and learned alot...
I really wish you were right.... That my dad took pride and fulfilment in caring for me.... But he actually other than helping me finamcially offers basically no support or guidance.... He's most deffinatly not proud of me, quite the opposite... He's dissapointed... In me.... I've massively key him down and been a burden to him... The fact he hasn't messaged in over a week now despite him knowing of my life dramas at the moment... Shows.... He like everyone has given up on me...
Have 1 friend to speak of, too many people have walked away from me... Sometimes literally nothing I've done... Just be born... But eventually everyone walks and gives up..... It's just the way of it
Sorry.... Think I'm dipping tonight... Very fed up...
Thanks for your support xxxx
Hey, you dip away.. thats how we roll! Look i am a parent to a 21 year old who i feel i only support financially because thats how i feel i can give, only text occasionally because i dont want to be the 'annoying parent'. Perhaps him and myself are new to this situation and doing what we think we should or can without understanding the needs of our children... I feel his intentions are good. He is engaging with no experience. Has he told you he is dissapointed or is that what you think?
I feel the same as you about people giving up. its like the veil eventually slips.
I don't have a veil and i don't think you do and somehow our paths have crossed....we're speaking online what have you got to lose?
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
9,288
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Hi.... wow, how far you have come, you are a warrior! i resonated with somethings and this made me chuckle ...'I honestly think no matter how old a daughter gets she should always be able to ask her daddy for help) +++please don't hate on me for this,I feel poo about it'
I absolutely agree with you, that is what dads are for... I always say to my dad.. 'A dad is for life not just for 18 years' and i bet your dad gets a sense of pride and fulfilment from taking care of you and no doubt feels privileged that you would still consider him someone important and valued enough to lean on!
You have taken your first step by being here. You are strong and i i know you said oh people say i can talk to them but never there. I will be there if you want, i mean it
"A dad is for life not just 18 years" try telling that to my own dad, short version is he didn't care :sorry:

@antonialost it sounds like you got a lot going on, i hope everything settles for you and improves/turns out well :grouphug:
 
L

LuC

Member
Joined
Apr 17, 2019
Messages
11
Location
Havant
Always. i kinda like it that way. And i love a quote reference. good job... kindred mind
 
antonialost

antonialost

Active member
Joined
Sep 16, 2011
Messages
26
Location
Luton Beds
Hey, you dip away.. thats how we roll! Look i am a parent to a 21 year old who i feel i only support financially because thats how i feel i can give, only text occasionally because i dont want to be the 'annoying parent'. Perhaps him and myself are new to this situation and doing what we think we should or can without understanding the needs of our children... I feel his intentions are good. He is engaging with no experience. Has he told you he is dissapointed or is that what you think?
I feel the same as you about people giving up. its like the veil eventually slips.
I don't have a veil and i don't think you do and somehow our paths have crossed....we're speaking online what have you got to lose?
Hiya hun...
Dad hasn't said the actual words I'm dissapointed in you.... But I know I don't make him proud.... I ruined my marriage with an amazing man that took care of everyone of my needs. Partly due to the fact we married young, grew up together, then sadly grew apart.... My mental health led me to do things I'm not proud of.he knows what I did, and that in itself is something to be dissapointed in.. Im diaapointed in myself too.. Since I killed that and on my own feet.... I've not done well... Acted irresponsible and got myself in shit..... He's mad the situation I've got myself in.... I said to him once, I'm going to get straight dad ill make you proud of me again.... His response?? Well you need to.....
9 days now I've heard nothing... Just liked a couple of my status yesterday and this morning....
I was pretty angry last night... Found some quotes that spoke the words I couldn't find myself.... I posted them... I knew dad would see them.... I knew they might strike a note in him.... One saying something like give your children a childhood they don't have to recover from..... And another about the fact people say we're searching for sympathy, pulling the woe is me (dad's wife included) when in actual fact your explaining the place you've been in, the things your going through and feeling. ...
Bad of me hey? Couldn't help it.... Tbh I don't think he cares enough to think anything of it....
Nothing to loose talking with you babe only gain xx I'm glad I came back on here and I'm glad to have connected with you. Thankyou x
 
antonialost

antonialost

Active member
Joined
Sep 16, 2011
Messages
26
Location
Luton Beds
"A dad is for life not just 18 years" try telling that to my own dad, short version is he didn't care :sorry:

@antonialost it sounds like you got a lot going on, i hope everything settles for you and improves/turns out well :grouphug:

Sorry your dad didn't care hun.... I feel your pain....
I think I might use the same line on my dad... If he ever messages.... Im staying strong and not making contact
 
antonialost

antonialost

Active member
Joined
Sep 16, 2011
Messages
26
Location
Luton Beds
yes, it sounds manic. Please get any sleep you can whenever you can. It is so critical.
Hi thanks for your message.... I finally got some sleep last night..broken the 11 day cycle... Hears hoping anyway xx
 
J

Jester

Member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
12
Location
UK
Hi Antonia
I am new to the forum and have seen your thread a bit late but I can relate to you with regards to your family.
My dad has bailed me out on a few occasions with my debts but I am now having problems again. I cannot keep asking him as I feel I am a disappointment to him but I cannot talk to my partner about it.
I am anxious, bad moods, impulse spending and excessive alcohol intake. I feel as though I am currently spiralling but not sure what to do about it.
How are you doing at the moment? I can completely sympathise with you. You were doing so well at your last post. ❤
 
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