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nancys

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Feb 28, 2015
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Hello. I originally became a member of this forum about 8 years ago. I had always believed that I suffered with profound and chronic depression, but suspected there was something else wrong as I felt increasingly 'lost' and 'small' in the world, which got worse with age. The ending of a romantic relationship led to me impulsively uprooting from my home city in the UK four years ago, and moving to small town Ireland. Shortly after arriving I ended up on a psych ward and was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder aged 45. Since that diagnosis I have had DBT, and have been in the care of the MH team over here ever since. I have unfortunately found myself in a very, very dark place again, and am hoping I may find some support on the forum.
 
calypso

calypso

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:welcome: again to the forum. I am sorry you are in such a bad way. I had DBT (rolled out for people with different diagnosis than BPD, I am bipolar) and found it very helpful. I don't remember all of the different categories and suggestions but I have enough still to change my mindset. As you no doubt know, to reprogramme the brain you have to practice and practice the techniques. Gradually, you rethink your responses and can work your way out of repeated behaviours.

Depression though needs help other than just therapy in my opinion though. I know meds aren't the be all and end all but they have their place. Have you tried them? I imagine you have.Has anything triggered this latest problem?
 
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nancys

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Hello Calypso and thanks for the welcome - I remember you from the old days on here! In answer to your question, yes, I have been on and off meds for the depression over the last 20 years. Am not a huge fan, they either do nothing for me, or have made me feel very suicidal in the past. When I got my BPD diagnosis, my initial feeling was that I was glad my life - full of instability, chaos, extreme loneliness - finally made sense. I also felt very fortunate that after nearly 20 years of being fobbed off with meds and being labelled as depressed whilst in London, that I was immediately able to access a community mental health team and offered DBT within 6 months of arrival here. However, I also feel it is all too late. One of the things that is said about people with BPD is that many get better with age, and much of that is to do with finding stability, often with a partner and having a family. I believe that it was my inability to find stability within myself, and sabotaging potential romantic relationships, that has really destroyed my life. Had I know what I was dealing with in my 20s and 30s, and had support, I believe I could have turned things around. I am now 49, have never sustained a long-term romantic partnership, never got to be a mother. I have been on Disability Allowance since I moved over here, was already struggling living in a small town and then moved in with elderly parents in the middle of nowhere during Covid, if anything I have regressed since coming over here. I made choices, but I do feel that I have come to end of the road. I have no financial security, I feel completely in the 'wrong' environment but believe I would struggle in so many ways if I returned to London. But the life I am living at the moment feels like a very slow & tortuous road to the end.
 
ht46

ht46

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Welcome, I am unfamiliar with bpd but I have schizophrenia with depression as a symptom. I find it helpful finding an outlet/goal to distract myself you could try writing poetry or making art that's what I do it sort of keeps you company through the ups n downs/distracting. Since Ive been put on bupropion I found I have been functioning much better.
 
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goodgollymiss

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Maybe you can ask to be a volunteer for the elderly. Like helping with bingo or getting a certificate to help feed. I was let go of that job though
 
calypso

calypso

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thanks for your reply. I think there is a thing called brain plasticity which means we can always retrain our minds. Its never too late for that. It does take a lot of practice. Initially, I thought DBT wouldn't do anything for me, I just gave up and didn't do the techniques they taught. But then I went over it again and got a lot more out of it. I am 64 and did my DBT in my 50s. Its really not too late.

I don't believe meds are the be all and end all but I tried 6 different types of anti depressant before finally getting the ones which suited me. I don't rate SSRIs for me and now take Mirtazepine which suits me and helps with sleep too. But what works for one won't work for another. I have heard that some can make suicidal thoughts worse though as you have experienced.
 
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nancys

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 28, 2015
Messages
46
Welcome, I am unfamiliar with bpd but I have schizophrenia with depression as a symptom. I find it helpful finding an outlet/goal to distract myself you could try writing poetry or making art that's what I do it sort of keeps you company through the ups n downs/distracting. Since Ive been put on bupropion I found I have been functioning much better.
Hello HT46. Thanks for the suggestions. I do enjoy writing, and drawing too.
 
ht46

ht46

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Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
3,999
Location
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Hello HT46. Thanks for the suggestions. I do enjoy writing, and drawing too.
Cool, reading, writing, drawing, art etc, learning are great distractions and theres lots of supportive people.
 
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