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Restless

Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Jul 7, 2019
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Yesterday was a terrible day. Somehow I couldn't post this message. That's why I'm doing it right now.

Last two nights I have been having nightmares all the time. That I am being chased, beaten, mistreated, raped or that I have to hurt people or myself. Also there was constantly a person encouraging me to hurt myself. This makes me super restless.

Yesterday I woke up and was not myself at all. Those words kept haunting my head. I spent 4 hours polarizing in my house. I was completely alone. Thoughts of self-harm and possible thoughts of putting an end to my life up.

Nothing had special had happened. There was no reason other than those dreams...
I was completely confused. Normally it is over after SH but when I had done this I could hardly stop. I wanted to go on... I became terrified of myself.

I don't want to die at all and yet that voice makes me think it does. Very frightening how it can turn so fast.

Something I'm certainly not proud of. On the other hand I'm glad I'm still there. I called my husband after those 4 hours, because I felt that I just wasn't going to make it. I went to his office and just sat here. I think it was the best choice I could have ever made.

Today I'm doing a little better. The SH thoughts are definitely there. Still wants more, but the thoughts are gone. Hopefully forever...

Now I am especially very tired and I want to lie in my bed...
 
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Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi,
Please get help, visit your dr in the morning or go to your local hospital tonight.
You must be very frightened, hope you feel better very soon.
Take care
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Joined
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Messages
685
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Netherlands
Hi,
Please get help, visit your dr in the morning or go to your local hospital tonight.
You must be very frightened, hope you feel better very soon.
Take care
I have An appointment tomorrow. I am not telling this because i go go Thailand thuis friday (for 7 weeks). Yes I am running from myself I know..

I dont want to get alarmbells ringing. I am afraid they don't let me leave..

Next appointment I tell them
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Be careful, as the thoughts might get worse. I hope you have a nice holiday.
Do get help as long term you might need it.
Take care
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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I'm a voice hearer and used to have lots of nightmares where my voice would manifest himself in my dreams and attack me, when I started taking anti-psychotics the nightmares stopped.

If they continue you could ask your doctor for the lowest dose possible and see if they help or there's a herbal remedy you could try called Graviola which does the same as anti-psychotics but much weaker and should be available from vendors associated with Amazon.

Before I was prescribed the more powerful drugs from a doctor I used Graviola for 43 days taking one before bed and not only did they reduce the volume of my voice by around 80% they stopped the nightmares, perhaps they can do the same for you.

Whatever you do, take care and be kind to yourself.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
685
Location
Netherlands
I'm a voice hearer and used to have lots of nightmares where my voice would manifest himself in my dreams and attack me, when I started taking anti-psychotics the nightmares stopped.

If they continue you could ask your doctor for the lowest dose possible and see if they help or there's a herbal remedy you could try called Graviola which does the same as anti-psychotics but much weaker and should be available from vendors associated with Amazon.

Before I was prescribed the more powerful drugs from a doctor I used Graviola for 43 days taking one before bed and not only did they reduce the volume of my voice by around 80% they stopped the nightmares, perhaps they can do the same for you.

Whatever you do, take care and be kind to yourself.
Thanks you. I dont have those dreams every night. Only once in a while. But when I have those dreams I Will Stay in Them. Like IT happend in real Life. I feel guilty and scard at the same time.

Yesterday was really frightening because I feel sad all the time but I never think of dying. And yesterday those thoughts came up. It scared the crap out of me.
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Messages
685
Location
Netherlands
I woke up so restless again..
I litterly got 4 1/2 days and than I go to Thailand.

Because of my burn out/depression I didn't do anything for school the last 4 months. I have to do this before friday... Its so much I get anxiety of the thought... My best Friends is comming wednesday. And tomorrow i have to go to school.

My sister had collepsed yesterday. So I want to go to her and my parents in law are comming into are house lika a vacation. So I need to clean the house big time..

I feel overwelmed, stressed and going into a panic attack again.. I feel sick..
 
Justafriend95

Justafriend95

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Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
685
Location
Netherlands
I can't do this... The urge of SH is so strong.. I want to scream.. 😭🤬
 
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