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Reocurring irrational fear thoughts

L

Luali

Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Messages
11
Location
Lisboa
Hi guys:)

I'm currently not doing too well, its an up and down, but I guess Corona time is for all of us..<3

Since some time there's a quite irrational fear thought reocurring in my thoughts, and even though I know I'm bullshitting myself by comparing and stuff...it keeps on returning in my mind and its rather painful...somehow I can't reality-check myself on that topic...don't know what to do and its eating me up (especially bc' it springs from my anxiety..)

Like there's someone I really like a lot, we're somehow in an undefined relationship to each other, but only because its complicated, living in different countries, not sharing the same everyday life...
So the thing is, he'll come visit me here this winter, what I'm reeally looking forward to! I mean I'm a little nervous showing him my world, my life, my family and friends...but I'm looking forward for him to meet everyone:D but there's something, one fear that just reocurrs...I'm not totally sure what source from...a low-selfesteem?, jeeez, so I mean...please don't judge me but I mean I know what wonderful people my friends are...so I fear...what if he falls in love or gets along better with one of them than me...I could even understand...they're just marvelous peeps
One person especially...like they obvioulsy don't know each other, but because I use to talk of her often, and she's very bold having sent him messages from my phone before (I mean when we're tgt and in groups...which is kinda cool, because for sure I want them to get to know each other and get along, my friends and him) and I mean I sent pictures of me and my friends...he remembers her often most of my friends. I mean she's bold and upfront so obviously she's easier to get in touch with...just, knowing both of them well...I'm quite sure they'll get along soo well, because they're quite similar in many things.... . Which is why, after a few comments of his, like when talking he already has a very good perception of her (gladly for sure), already having described her in a context as a wonderful and lovely person (which she really is but I mean they didn't meet yet)...don't understand me wrong, like I'm glad to hear the openness and warmth for my friends a lot, just it triggered a very freaking unrealistic anxiety) and her already saying that she already see's him standing in their balcony and stuff. (Okay here I might add, that all of my peeps are really looking forward to meet him)

So the moment of him coming closer of visiting, my mind and heart goes crazy...especially seen that I'm not doing too well currently.

The thing is there was this fear thought triggered that, actually what if he likes someone of them more, like for ex. her (just those few comments triggered that fear a bit), what if he finds that they're so much on the same wavelength? what if what if...

Like I could understand, because sometimes I'm not doing well, and they'd be more fun...sometimes I'm shy and not very talkativ, when I'm not feeling well...and well they are more..I guess?

I don't know, I'm feeling quite lost and this reocurring anxiety-thought is really eating me up...
I don't know where that comes from...I really am not sure...but jeeeez its hurting...:/

Did you guys experience such stubbornly reocurring fearful and painful thoughts? How do you manage? and please someone give me a reality-check....I'm so damn lost...

I really don't know what to do...(Like obviously I feel bad and guilty thinking so of my close friends...I don't really know where it comes from...)...I don't know ...:(((
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
1,998
Location
Canada
Well, he's coming to visit you, right? Not your friends. I dunno if I'd expect much at all if he lives in another country. Maybe just keep things casual and friendly.
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2020
Messages
3,321
Location
Glasgow
Hes coming to see you! If he is worth his salt he will be nervous too. Dont let anxiety get in the way of you enjoying somthing good. Look forward to it and savour it when it comes 👍
 
L

Luali

Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Messages
11
Location
Lisboa
Thanks for your answers<3 yes that resonates a lot haha, glad for your input! actually, today as I feel a bit more balanced, it feels already more true to just go with the flow. Its still subtely there this weird fear thought but I guess that's the point...we're anyways not in control how things turn out, worrying didn't ever help anyone, especially when its as irrational as this^^. Doing a bit better today, I can see that much better. Thank you!
 
D

Dispatch

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 9, 2020
Messages
529
Location
USA
I agree with everyone else luali ... he’s coming to see you , he’ll like your friends because they’re your friends and your friends will be very happy for you two. You’ll see, it’ll be a great time , no need to worry at all. They are your friends, they want to see you happy , so shake it off and start smiling again, your boyfriend is coming to visit 😊 woot woot
 
L

Luali

Member
Joined
Aug 25, 2020
Messages
11
Location
Lisboa
I agree with everyone else luali ... he’s coming to see you , he’ll like your friends because they’re your friends and your friends will be very happy for you two. You’ll see, it’ll be a great time , no need to worry at all. They are your friends, they want to see you happy , so shake it off and start smiling again, your boyfriend is coming to visit 😊 woot woot
Yes, I guess that's true!^^ somehow helped me rationalize it a lot to write out this weird energy consuming thought. I'm not used to have such stubborn anxiety thoughts, actually its the first time having such (no wonder though its a very vague time and my life really goes upside down at the moment)...so I was kind of overwhelmed how to deal with it.

Thanks a lot!<3 Already reading your comment resonates a lot within and helped me balance back.
 
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