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Religious Pure OCD, tips?

K

koala

Member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
5
I'm new on here so I'm a little nervous about posting but I'm also hoping to get some feedback.

I suffer from a range of things, generalized anxiety, ADHD, insomnia, PTSD and Harm OCD.

When I was ten it was the first time I experienced death, and it was a slow death where I watched my loved one slowly deteriorate, and I developed basic OCD habits like hand washing and number obsessing, because in my mind that would protect my loved one.
Then they died and my anxiety exploded. The fear of death started to creep in. Then one day I was in my parents living room and this thing came on 20/20 about how this girl had the perfect life but still killed herself and why? I left the room before hearing the story and I didn't understand suicide at all. I started having intrusive thoughts about suicide, because if that girl had a perfect life what kept anyone from killing themselves? I started having very strange ideas that my body would turn against me and I would end up killing myself against my will. I eventually went to my parents about it but they didn't really understand so I didn't get treatment, though the thoughts eventually subsided.

Fast forward to when I was 19, I was raped, and afterwards my anxiety exploded once more and more intrusive thoughts came my way. But this time it was more like unwanted violent images from PTSD.

Then fast forward again, pure ocd started coming back. But this time it attacked the thing thats most precious to me, my faith. Basically, the thought is why didn't God make us Gods? Its caused me an enourmous amount of anxiety. It basically stems from the basic fear that I'll go to hell for thinking that. Also, I don't know how to fight off the intrusiveness of it anymore. I've come to the understanding that pure ocd loves to attack your character and your beliefs. The thought isn't even logical to me but I find myself trying to answer the question not because I believe it but because I can't take the anxiety. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I've come up with thoughts like if He did we would never experience true goodness or love. I'm not trying to preach about God I just am trying to find a way to fight this question and lessen my anxiety.
I am basically just trying to trick my OCD. If anyone has any thoughts, I'm listening.

I'm also struggling because my psychiatrist says I have a slight mood disorder and thats whats causing these intrusive thoughts, but I never get manic or depressed unless I'm feeling oppressed by my OCD or I have relief. Also I feel like my doctor doesn't really understand when I say Harm OCD because he doesn't even comment on it. I feel like my PTSD, ADHD general anxiety and OCD are all just colliding. I've been on countless medications. Benzos helped majorly for a while, but their effect wore off. Now When my OCD gets really bad I have a hard time sleeping which just makes things worse. My doctor prescribed me Ambien CR but now I'm having tachycardia from it. Does anyone have any advice on how to get to sleep while these intrusive thoughts are causing so much anxiety?

I also have questions about Anafranil. I hear good things about it helping with OCD but it also seems to have a lot of side effects such as constipation and insomnia and that worries me. My doctor wants to put me on lithium but I was already on depakote and it didnt address the issue. Is there just a communication problem between my doctor and I? How can I express how much the OCD is directly affecting my mood? Could I have both a mood disorder and OCD or am I just unstable because of how debilitating the anxiety is?

Anyways I think I've said enough. Been reading peoples posts and my heart goes out to other people struggling with this.
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

Well-known member
Moderator
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Jan 2, 2012
Messages
8,175
Location
Teesside
Hi and welcome to the forum :welcome:
I cant offer any advice as i dont suffer from OCD, i feel thankful that its one condition i dont have.
You seem to have been through a lot of trauma in your short life.
Has your doctor offered you any kind of talking therapy? CBT?
can be helpful to challenge your negative thoughts.
Talking helps
Hugs
Fox
 
nutri

nutri

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 11, 2011
Messages
1,154
Location
UK
remember that many of our thoughts are garbage

we dont make them, they just appear (from somewhere)

learn to ignore them,

Anxiety is a very complex thing, & requires several false beliefs of which we are unaware

also learn about religions.
This fear of hell is just a con

you can think of thoughts as being like a TV channel that you are watching
(& we know how much garbage there is on TV)

If you take lithium, I would recommend taking 1 mg of lithium orotate

you could also try (organic) coffee or cocoa as they have a calming effect

why didn't God make us Gods?
how do you know that he didn't?

it also helps to consider the idea that:
where you are now, is where you are supposed to be, even if that includes trying to solve anxiety
 
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