• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Relieved and Scared by BPD Diagnosis

H

HoggieMum

New member
Joined
Jan 3, 2020
Messages
1
Location
United Kingdom
Yesterday I was diagnosed with BDP. After years of being told I’m bad tempered or nuts or anxious or depressed how I feel and act finally has a name and I don’t know how I feel about it. Part of me is so relieved but part of me is scared to death and another part just feels ashamed. I’ve been told so many times to be normal but I don’t even know what normal is. Why do I appear to embrace conflict or go from lovely to psycho is ten seconds flat. Why do I push people away and then beg them not to leave. Why do I feel such intense feelings yet feel empty inside. I want to overcome this but at the moment I don’t see how, the way I am has been me for so long how can I ever get better or feel like other people do. Have relationships where I don’t feel paranoid 24/7, have a life where I’m not worried about everything. Until yesterday I barely knew what BPD stood for now it’s what defines me and my life and I feel so alone. I know people are judging me for not getting it sorted sooner but mental health has always been something to be ashamed of in my life being diagnosed with depression and anxiety was hard enough but this is a whole new world a world I don’t understand or want to be part of.
 
Annelis

Annelis

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
92
Location
Slovakia
I know it sounds scary, but I don't think it defines you. You are the same person you were before, but now you know what the problem is and perhaps it will help you find a way to live a nicer life. It can't be any worse, can it? I know judgement of others can be terrible but I'm sure those who love you will not stop just because your diagnosis have a name. Take care.
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
1,515
Let the diagnosis empower you. Read all that you can about bpd, then find a good therapist and start reviewing your traumas in order to let them go.

It is not a life sentence, your disorder is a result of terrible things that happened to you, that were beyond your control. It is not your fault.

But it is your responsibility to get better. And you can get there with therapy.
 
R

RandomAspergerDude

New member
Joined
Jan 10, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Scotland
@HoggieMum Congratulations, although you may not consider a bombshell being dropped worthy of praise.
You have successfully bested the toughest challenge of bpd - getting a diagnosis in the first place in regards to something you cant self identify, and dont have the brain wiring to notice the problems it causes until it's already been discovered in an age where mental illnesses or abnormalities are common and misdiagnoses are just as regular.
Aspergers is the same, something that cant be self diagnosed except in the rarest of circumstances.

Im not going to misinform you by saying it'll be smooth sailing now that you have a bpd diagnosis, but its far easier to manage something once you know what you're dealing with. While it cannot be cured, it can easily be treatable and managable once you get help. Don't give up.

You're most likely not as alone as you think, there will be people in your life you can turn to for help or advice, or even a shoulder to cry on, despite what you may or may not have done.
Why do i know this? My ex (whom i very strongly suspect has bpd) has caused some amount of carnage over the years to many people. This normal-ish, and its not the individual's fault. Yet despite the trouble shes caused me and all the shit shes put me through - if i got a message from her out of the blue asking for help, i'd be there in under 10 minutes, because I care about her and understand all the nasty shit she done to me wasn't actually her - it was a self defence thought process that was near uncontrollable once triggered. I'm not the only one that would rush to help either, people unaware of how bpd affects decision making have went out their way to help her, and i dont doubt they would do so again.

I also understand where you're coming from thinking mental health issues are some form of shame or embarrassment. It isn't. Mental health problems that are caused by self infliction with blatant disregard to the consequences time and again are a source of shame(like the personality disordered old man that couldnt stop relentlessly snorting cocaine for 40 years straight). But bpd? No chance. Nobody can create it in themselves. I've just recently accepted the fact that i shouldn't be holding onto shame over something i had zero control over, try and throw away your shame. It'll only hold you back, speaking from experience.
Finally, it only defines you if you let it. While there are 4 main types of bpd, there are hundreds of thousands of bpd people worldwide, people with a multitude of different tastes, interests, and life experiences. 2 individuals with bpd are not the same. Bpd isn't who you are, its just a fragment of you, one that can treated.
I may be a bumbling socially awkward monotonous easily distracted fool due to Aspergers - but give me a stage and a speech, and i'll rock that shit in front of thousands. AS doesn't define me anymore than bpd defines you. Limits were meant to be broken :)
-First ever post, so far longer than i predicted, i apologise. With saying that, if a part of any of this is even slightly helpful then it's not a waste of time in the slightest.
 
J

JNP

New member
Joined
Jan 13, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Ohio
I understand. I feel the relief and the dabilitating fear at the same time. It is very hard to begin to see things differently. It is the first step to a better life.
 
E

ellaella

New member
Joined
Jan 13, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Alabama
Yeah all your BPD diagnosis is is a roadmap to feeling better. You just go on down that list of symptoms and you realize you finally know what's causing them and then you can start to address them. It scared me, too, but it turned into really such a relief.
 
Top