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Relationships when you have borderline personality disorder. Are you really polyamorous/ENM or is it just the borderline personality disorder?

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Melxx101

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Mar 6, 2021
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I know that I am definitely not polyamorous. 💯

I have a very hard time with emotional relationships(mainly because I have borderline personality disorder and other mental illnesses)with just one person, I could not imagine an emotional relationship with multiple people. 💯

With having borderline personality disorder, have you ever questioned being polyamorous or non monogamous because of your extreme fears of abandonment?

You feel like those fears of abandonment would not be as bad(or even close to nonexistent) because if you were polyamorous or non monogamous, you would always have multiple people in your life when you fear that one or more of them could eventually leave you.
 
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Dagoon

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I have had polyamarous relationships in the past. I dont have a problem with it. At least back then. Now not so much. Jealousy wasn't an issue for me. I could never stay faithful if im honest. I loved living the dangerous life. I even had sex with a guy in mine and my girlfriend at the times bed. I didnt care. I also took a lot of drugs etc.
 
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celticlass

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I have had polyamarous relationships in the past. I dont have a problem with it. At least back then. Now not so much. Jealousy wasn't an issue for me. I could never stay faithful if im honest. I loved living the dangerous life. I even had sex with a guy in mine and my girlfriend at the times bed. I didnt care. I also took a lot of drugs etc.
Just wondering how you view things now? Polyamarous relationships would need to be between fully consenting, aware, adults? No? I think it is acting in secret behind someone's back that causes the most hurt and confusion. If somebody told me that was what they were looking for I would have the choice to sign up to it or not. In my case I would not have the slightest interest. Not that base really.
 
R

RTLP

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I have had polyamarous relationships in the past. I dont have a problem with it. At least back then. Now not so much. Jealousy wasn't an issue for me. I could never stay faithful if im honest. I loved living the dangerous life. I even had sex with a guy in mine and my girlfriend at the times bed. I didnt care. I also took a lot of drugs etc.
Maybe it's fine with you but not with others.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Prettyroses99

Prettyroses99

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I could be in a relationship with one other person. Having 3 people in a serious relationship together doesn't seem bad. I'm not interested in sex parties or switching out partners. But I'm definitely poloymorous in terms of wanting a man and women in my life. I'm bipolar and not borderline though.
 
D

Dagoon

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Just wondering how you view things now? Polyamarous relationships would need to be between fully consenting, aware, adults? No? I think it is acting in secret behind someone's back that causes the most hurt and confusion. If somebody told me that was what they were looking for I would have the choice to sign up to it or not. In my case I would not have the slightest interest. Not that base really.
I don't think like that now. I believe it was the bpd and not how I really felt. Its a very complicated illness. Im only now coming to understand how it has effected my past.
 
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Dagoon

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I have had polyamarous relationships in the past. I dont have a problem with it. At least back then. Now not so much. Jealousy wasn't an issue for me. I could never stay faithful if im honest. I loved living the dangerous life. I even had sex with a guy in mine and my girlfriend at the times bed. I didnt care. I also took a lot of drugs etc.
This was my past i quite clearly stated this. Its how my bpd presented itself. I have been shamed in this and I think the person that shamed me is obviously having issues themselves in their past. And shouldn't throw stones!
 
C

celticlass

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This was my past i quite clearly stated this. Its how my bpd presented itself. I have been shamed in this and I think the person that shamed me is obviously having issues themselves in their past. And shouldn't throw stones!
I am sorry you feel that way. When we gain insight into how our past has helped shape our actions in the present, we are really making progress. And progress is good. Have a good day.
 
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Dagoon

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I am sorry you feel that way. When we gain insight into how our past has helped shape our actions in the present, we are really making progress. And progress is good. Have a good day.
Yeah. The persons post had now been edited. I think we shouldn't attack each other. We know what we are going through. 😁
 
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Kodiak22

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Mar 7, 2021
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I've been in relationship with someone who has BPD. At the beginning, she made it clear she was seeing other people and I accepted it. Later on, she started saying she didn't want to see anybody else and would be jealous if I got involved with someone else. I thought this was a sign we were growing closer and closer. But just as I thought it was getting serious, she slept with an ex, hid it from me and said I had no right getting upset over something that didn't concern me. The timing of it and the fact she hid it from me while leaving bread crumbs, makes me feel it was a kind of statement, as if she were struggling with an internal conflict. On the one hand she wants to be with me, but being with me makes her feel trapped.

Am I making any sense? Is my interpretation insensitive to the BPD reality?
 
D

Dagoon

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I've been in relationship with someone who has BPD. At the beginning, she made it clear she was seeing other people and I accepted it. Later on, she started saying she didn't want to see anybody else and would be jealous if I got involved with someone else. I thought this was a sign we were growing closer and closer. But just as I thought it was getting serious, she slept with an ex, hid it from me and said I had no right getting upset over something that didn't concern me. The timing of it and the fact she hid it from me while leaving bread crumbs, makes me feel it was a kind of statement, as if she were struggling with an internal conflict. On the one hand she wants to be with me, but being with me makes her feel trapped.

Am I making any sense? Is my interpretation insensitive to the BPD reality?
I have bpd. Its normal behaviour for someone that has bpd. Always keep an escape plan just incase you get hurt. Always one foot in one foot out. It took my partner years to gain my full trust. He wasn't unfaithful to me nor I him. But the thoughts feel very real. You start seeing 'proof' everywhere. The phone calls the changing of plans. Not your fault but we see the negative in everything. How could he love me? Im nothing. Its a disease that we can't get away from. Im only just managing it and im 46. But I have been in a relationship for over 15 years. Im not saying its easy. I doubt myself all the time. Just be honest with her. And if she can't deal with that part ways. We just want to be the centre of someone's attention. Hope things work out!
 
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Kodiak22

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Ottawa
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this. It means a great deal to me. Going through this, I wonder if it's my head because she tells a different story. Having your perspective helps me, maybe not understand her, but appreciate the struggle she is facing to be with me. It's a huge weight partly off my shoulders.
 
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Blackwolf

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Dec 27, 2020
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Poland
In a relationship I'm fully involved. I have never been with more than one person at a time. I was in one relationship for 3 years but it was toxic as hell. Now I'm in a relationship for nearly 2 years. That's my only experience so far. I wouldnt cheat, I would definitely end a relationship first.
 
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