Relationships if you aren't particularly flush with cash

R

ranger

Guest
I have been round to one of my sisters' today and I certainly needed to talk to her about the difficulties in the family.

My sister is very laid back and I get on really well with her and all the kids like me. I love in particular the youngest two who are five and three. They were mucking about with me and jumping all over me and it was great fun. She is very lucky her husband earns mega bucks, they go on very expensive holidays and they have a six bedroomed house.

My other sister who I don't get on with so well also is married and has kids. All the kids I absolutely love. Again they are well off as my brother in law is in a top job.

My parents have also always been absolutely loaded and go on probably four expensive holidays a year and have a lovely house.

Although I had a great time with the kids I came away slightly sad. I have only had one long term relationship and it was the relationship from hell and then after that I have had several female friends who I have spent a lot of time with but basically they have always just moaned to be about their blokes.

I have a female friend at the moment who I have sort of been holding out for, but basically if I am honest at times she too hasn't treated me with too much respect.

I realised in counselling I have some kind of death wish with who I have been associated with and in a way this sadness has been the main factor in my poor mental health.

Perhaps I would have coped better with work if I had had someone at home who cared about me, had a laugh about things and didn't take things too seriously.

Because in my head and because of my family background I have always felt women are only interested in a man who can provide financially for her and her children.

I have never felt because of this belief being installed into me that this is what women are most interested in.

On my way home I thought I will treat myself to a meal and went to an upmarket pub and sat there on my own billy no mates. Thinking I wish I was on a date, but I have a massive downer on myself because I am not earning and therefore no one will be interested in me. Obviously there were a lot of women in there, most were very well dressed and probably in very good jobs and I just felt shit.

Because growing up we always went to top places I have always had such a downer on myself because of my constant inability to make money and therefore because of this have never been very confident in a woman being interested in me at all.

Both my sisters have married rich men and even most of my cousins are rich. When I was younger I had money and went on expensive holidays but in the last twelve years money has been very tight therefore I never pursued a relationship.

Even though I am trying to convince myself that someone will be interested in me for who I am, I still can't convince myself this basically because I don't work. I am if I am honest a bit too scared to try because of constant rejection and every woman I have ever known has been keen on the money side.

Please people if you are in a solid fun relationship where you both support and love each other, please can you explode the myth I have about this, because at the moment my mind doesn't work like this.

I don't want to spend most of my waking days on my own. I am not massively lonely. It just can be incredibly boring though. I was always out when I was younger and now my social circle has drastically reduced, which is excuse my french a tad shit.

Please enlighten me people.:p
 
OobieMoobie

OobieMoobie

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Hi Ranger,

my family's financial situation is pretty awful. It was never good, but then my stepdad worked up gambling debts about 8 years ago. Recently my mum was made redundant.

I went to a school in a middle class area were most of the kids were given about £200 a week as pocket money and a bit extra if they actually went out anywhere. The moment they turned 17 their parents bought them a brand new car and paid their insurance and whatnot.

I first got a job when I was 13, just a summer cash in hand thing that I still do now. I worked in a McDonalds during my A Levels and my parents borrowed the majority of my wages every month. My boyfriend at the time was also from a well off family and had the luxury of not being worried about money.

So basically, I know how it feels so struggle with cash when people around you are rolling in it.

Do women need a guy with money? no. There are some women out there who have the unfourtunate perspective that they need a rich partner. To be blunt, that's their problem. In my opinion, any woman who would judge a potential partner on the size of his bank account isn't worth pursuing (if he sits around unemployed and spends his JSA on x-box live I guess that's a different matter). Ultimately, both people in a relationship are responsible for their financial stability.

Perhaps I'm wrong, but I always thought that to most people eating out somewhere that isn't nandos or something is a luxury, not a regular thing.

You're a person not a bank balance, Ranger. :D
 
R

ranger

Guest
Just needed to write that out. Hope it doesn't wind anyone up. That was just what was running through my head after seeing various members of the family and feeling like the total outsider loser. I am certainly not materialistic. My family are. I am not. Sorry if that was how it came across. I am just writing out my thoughts to help me in a way what I want from life as I feel at the moment I am at the start of something, but at the moment I just don't know what it is. Perhaps that's why I am more in contact by text with most of the family rather going round to their big get togethers. Perhaps I was the son of our milkman. Good looking chap the milkman. Ha ha.:D
 
2

22vince22

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 8, 2012
Messages
182
Hiya Ranger

Hope you are well.

Perhaps one suggestion you may want to follow is make a distinction between, occupation and re-numerated occuptaion.

What I mean is, being occupied is a must for all of us must have something to do. Being re-numeratedly occupied doesn't necessarily bring happiness.

In fact, from what I have seen in life people at work always seem to be longing for the day they are set free from their occupation.

A re-numerated occupation doing something we value is a blessing. But for others' it's mere slavery. That said, all of us need to have an occupation, re-numerated or otherwise.

If we are occupied in something worthwhile we will hardly notice we are without means to buy the Eifell Tower :)

As for ladies, I know quite a few who are not ambitious or money-orientated. I think it's about being occupied primarily, Ranger, and then once we have an occupation, maybe a female would want to share in it at least in some tiny way. Who knows what runs through ladies' minds' ? I don't for one :)

Money itself can be a nuisance. But somehow we do seem to pull though. If, however, we let it determine how we regard people, then that is wrong. Poor and rich alike are human beings . Even so, lots of people judge others' by the house they live in and the car they drive. TBH, I don't want those kind of people in my life.

Have a good evening Ranger,

Vince :)
 
R

ranger

Guest
I seriously know I am a person not a bank balance Oobie. It only comes into my head when I see my sisters. Perhaps because although there is a lot going on around me and I have been signed off for quite a long time because of my conditions, I just need to get out more and be around people more instead of spending all my time at home alone. It is quite frankly sending me round the bend a bit. I phoned up for a voluntary job today to try myself in the work place again.

I tried a while ago but got totally freaked out. I want to try again but it is a little bit scarey because for the majority of the five years I was in my last job I was absolutely unbelievably stressed beyond belief. I somehow need to be brave. Because spending all my time alone now is frankly sedning me round the twist.Two people nearly being at deaths door, another severely depressed and another about to lose his home and I am just sat here at home with it all going round in my head when others are out there having fun. That's complete bollocks.:)
 
R

ranger

Guest
Thank you

Thank you Vince. That helps a lot. I actually a while book was writing a book and it really helped me when I was also working part time. I have recently been just browsing the internet but I do really enjoy writing and I find it motivates me and keeps my mind occupied.

I would say to you Oobie lots of guys your age don't mind too much about money but at my age women either have kids and are looking for a bit of support or they are career women. I do find it very difficult for women to be interested in someone who has mental health problems who is older and has not a lot of money and I have mixed in many circles. Christ knows where that woman is. Fuck knows. Don't think she exists. Even though I love kids I don't want to meet someone who has them themselves. Someone who is similar to me. I think I am fairly different to most and fuck knows where she is. Christ I think I am going to pray for deliverance/ Lol/:)
 
R

ranger

Guest
Having been in many different workplaces over twenty years I have seen a lot of ugly sides to people motivated by getting ahead. There have been a few exceptions who have been motivated for the good of the people but in general it is a fact of life most in todays society are more motivated by cash and what it can get you rather than pure honest good manners and kindliness. I am very fortunate that I have some people in my life who are mainly motivated by caring for people, wanting them to be well and happy. These people are rare.

Even working in vulnerable adult settings most people who work in these fields are out for themselves, quite often if they can get away with less work for more money that is what they will do. Most employers these days I have to say are total arseholes and even having worked for charities and social enterprises, I have seen the ugly side of people. Money does that to people. If you work merely for the pursuit of money, then you are not going to have fun.

If you can find something that you enjoy and get paid for it then as far as I am concerned you are halfway there. Money does seem to rule over being happy for some. I am ok. Money only gets you so far. You see lottery winners who screw it all up and end up back to being broke.

Christ I am flipping boring myself now. I haven't got a clue what I am going on about.Bollocks and balls.:)

You only get one life. Have fun. Force a smile if you have to. You will feel better.Dancing and singing. That is cool. Church is a complete load of tripe. Finally worked that bull out.Time for sleeps.:D

On Monday, I am going to make sure I get in to see the volunteer centre once more and get out there. I hope I do it. I will be nervous, but I need to do it. I really can't spend all my time on my own.

I think this maybe my last time on here. I have said that before but I feel it is holding me back now and I want to move forward once more.

Thank you and all the best.

Ranger:cool:
 
SidewalkProphet

SidewalkProphet

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Aug 3, 2012
Messages
238
Location
Surrey, UK
Hi ranger, having spoken to you a bit you strike me as a lovely guy! :hug1: and I can tell you from my personal experience that money is certainly not everything!! My last relationship we were both pretty much paupers but we managed to do so much together, museums, parks not everything costs ,only and we would buy each gifts but they were often silly and from the heart and not flashy and trying to impress!! When it comes to it I believe that heartfelt things mean much more than expensive things, if a girl wants u to buy her things and take her places all the time she's not worth it but if someone sees in you the great heart you have then she's a fool not to give you a chance!

I'd rather have someone who loves me and treats me well than someone who thinks money can cure all ills but maybe that's coz I have nothing to offer financially either :sorry:

:hug5:
 

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