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Relationship troubles

C

coco25

New member
Joined
Nov 27, 2019
Messages
3
Location
England
Hello everyone, this is my first post so bare with me :)

I have BPD, PTSD, depression and anxiety.

Me and my partner of 3 years split up 8 weeks ago, we lived and worked together and had a cat and a dog. Things had started going bad a few weeks earlier and he kept saying he didn't want to split up and that he loved me so we didn't split up and I was desperately trying to keep it going, I was trying everything whilst feeling like I was walking on egg shells not knowing what to do or say and constantly apologising.
Things came to a head on the 7th October, we got back from work and hadn't spoken all day, we were supposed to be going to a concert the day after. He said he couldn't do it anymore, took some stuff and our dog and left. I was in utter shock and was hysterical, wailing and screaming. I begged and begged him to come home. The next few days are hazy, but I wanted to die, I wasn't eating, drinking or sleeping. I ended up being admitted into a crisis house for a week where I managed to calm myself down and start eating.
I relied on him for everything, including all my emotional and physical support, I never went anywhere without him.
In the days I was there, my ex took his things from our house and my parents packed up my things and moved me back to their home. Its a hell of a lot of change in one go and I really struggle with change, my ex, house, pets and life as I knew it have gone. We still work together which im struggling with.
I always asked him if he'd ever leave me and he promised he never would; now he has and its my worst nightmare.

Fast forward to 4 weeks ago and I decided to get onto some dating apps. In hindsight this was a big mistake and was more because im feeling so alone and missing a relationship that I craved someone. I spoke to a few people and went on a date with 2 of them. The second one I met had told me he'd split from his ex 8 weeks ago, our stories were eerily similar and we got on so well. We went on our first date last Sunday and this weekend just gone I travelled down to his to stay and spend some time with him. It went so well, he told me he loved me, we discussed me moving in with him in the future and the possibility of kids and marriage. I knew this wasn't right, having only met twice, but I get so attached to people that I truly believed he was the one.
I left his Monday morning to go to work, by Monday evening he told me he couldn't stop thinking about his ex and couldn't see me again. I felt the familiar sense of grief and sickness. He blocked me on everything so I cant even talk to him.
I know its crazy because we only met twice and I obviously didn't really know him but I saw my future with this person, I believed all the stuff he said to me and truly believed he wanted me. I feel used and broken, I haven't slept or eaten since Sunday and im so depressed and embarrassed that ive believed this yet again. My parents are disappointed in me that ive done this again, and they are telling me I am effecting them and my sister with my mood, they gave me advice and I didn't listen and now I feel like im having to pretend im okay and im really not.
I feel so trapped and alone and im so suicidal. I just want my old life back with my old support. I feel so alone and I don't know what to do with myself.

I really would love to hear from anyone who's been through something similar so I don't feel so alone and know im not going crazy. Im running out of energy and drive to keep going.
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
1,511
Location
A galaxy, far far away..
You're not going crazy and you're not alone. You were on a classic rebound romance, and so was the guy you met. It was too soon for you to get into another relationship.
Give yourself some time, and you'll start to feel better, and maybe even establish some independence.
I wish you well.
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,068
Location
Norfolk
Hello everyone, this is my first post so bare with me :)

I have BPD, PTSD, depression and anxiety.

Me and my partner of 3 years split up 8 weeks ago, we lived and worked together and had a cat and a dog. Things had started going bad a few weeks earlier and he kept saying he didn't want to split up and that he loved me so we didn't split up and I was desperately trying to keep it going, I was trying everything whilst feeling like I was walking on egg shells not knowing what to do or say and constantly apologising.
Things came to a head on the 7th October, we got back from work and hadn't spoken all day, we were supposed to be going to a concert the day after. He said he couldn't do it anymore, took some stuff and our dog and left. I was in utter shock and was hysterical, wailing and screaming. I begged and begged him to come home. The next few days are hazy, but I wanted to die, I wasn't eating, drinking or sleeping. I ended up being admitted into a crisis house for a week where I managed to calm myself down and start eating.
I relied on him for everything, including all my emotional and physical support, I never went anywhere without him.
In the days I was there, my ex took his things from our house and my parents packed up my things and moved me back to their home. Its a hell of a lot of change in one go and I really struggle with change, my ex, house, pets and life as I knew it have gone. We still work together which im struggling with.
I always asked him if he'd ever leave me and he promised he never would; now he has and its my worst nightmare.

Fast forward to 4 weeks ago and I decided to get onto some dating apps. In hindsight this was a big mistake and was more because im feeling so alone and missing a relationship that I craved someone. I spoke to a few people and went on a date with 2 of them. The second one I met had told me he'd split from his ex 8 weeks ago, our stories were eerily similar and we got on so well. We went on our first date last Sunday and this weekend just gone I travelled down to his to stay and spend some time with him. It went so well, he told me he loved me, we discussed me moving in with him in the future and the possibility of kids and marriage. I knew this wasn't right, having only met twice, but I get so attached to people that I truly believed he was the one.
I left his Monday morning to go to work, by Monday evening he told me he couldn't stop thinking about his ex and couldn't see me again. I felt the familiar sense of grief and sickness. He blocked me on everything so I cant even talk to him.
I know its crazy because we only met twice and I obviously didn't really know him but I saw my future with this person, I believed all the stuff he said to me and truly believed he wanted me. I feel used and broken, I haven't slept or eaten since Sunday and im so depressed and embarrassed that ive believed this yet again. My parents are disappointed in me that ive done this again, and they are telling me I am effecting them and my sister with my mood, they gave me advice and I didn't listen and now I feel like im having to pretend im okay and im really not.
I feel so trapped and alone and im so suicidal. I just want my old life back with my old support. I feel so alone and I don't know what to do with myself.

I really would love to hear from anyone who's been through something similar so I don't feel so alone and know im not going crazy. Im running out of energy and drive to keep going.
First of all you are definitely not alone. Most if not all of us have suffered in our relationships. Do not be too hard on yourself it is the BPD making you think and act in the way you do. You are using something called Emotional Reasoning, that is thinking only with your feelings that then distort the reality of a situation causing you to suffer. Your emotions are extreme at the moment so try to do nothing but calm yourself and regulate your breathing. The more you calm yourself the better you will feel and eventually this wave of emotion will subside.
 
1

1989Dawn

Member
Joined
Nov 28, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Ontario, Canada
Hello everyone, this is my first post so bare with me :)

I have BPD, PTSD, depression and anxiety.

Me and my partner of 3 years split up 8 weeks ago, we lived and worked together and had a cat and a dog. Things had started going bad a few weeks earlier and he kept saying he didn't want to split up and that he loved me so we didn't split up and I was desperately trying to keep it going, I was trying everything whilst feeling like I was walking on egg shells not knowing what to do or say and constantly apologising.
Things came to a head on the 7th October, we got back from work and hadn't spoken all day, we were supposed to be going to a concert the day after. He said he couldn't do it anymore, took some stuff and our dog and left. I was in utter shock and was hysterical, wailing and screaming. I begged and begged him to come home. The next few days are hazy, but I wanted to die, I wasn't eating, drinking or sleeping. I ended up being admitted into a crisis house for a week where I managed to calm myself down and start eating.
I relied on him for everything, including all my emotional and physical support, I never went anywhere without him.
In the days I was there, my ex took his things from our house and my parents packed up my things and moved me back to their home. Its a hell of a lot of change in one go and I really struggle with change, my ex, house, pets and life as I knew it have gone. We still work together which im struggling with.
I always asked him if he'd ever leave me and he promised he never would; now he has and its my worst nightmare.

Fast forward to 4 weeks ago and I decided to get onto some dating apps. In hindsight this was a big mistake and was more because im feeling so alone and missing a relationship that I craved someone. I spoke to a few people and went on a date with 2 of them. The second one I met had told me he'd split from his ex 8 weeks ago, our stories were eerily similar and we got on so well. We went on our first date last Sunday and this weekend just gone I travelled down to his to stay and spend some time with him. It went so well, he told me he loved me, we discussed me moving in with him in the future and the possibility of kids and marriage. I knew this wasn't right, having only met twice, but I get so attached to people that I truly believed he was the one.
I left his Monday morning to go to work, by Monday evening he told me he couldn't stop thinking about his ex and couldn't see me again. I felt the familiar sense of grief and sickness. He blocked me on everything so I cant even talk to him.
I know its crazy because we only met twice and I obviously didn't really know him but I saw my future with this person, I believed all the stuff he said to me and truly believed he wanted me. I feel used and broken, I haven't slept or eaten since Sunday and im so depressed and embarrassed that ive believed this yet again. My parents are disappointed in me that ive done this again, and they are telling me I am effecting them and my sister with my mood, they gave me advice and I didn't listen and now I feel like im having to pretend im okay and im really not.
I feel so trapped and alone and im so suicidal. I just want my old life back with my old support. I feel so alone and I don't know what to do with myself.

I really would love to hear from anyone who's been through something similar so I don't feel so alone and know im not going crazy. Im running out of energy and drive to keep going.
You’re not alone. Some people think they’re ready to meet someone new, they find someone awesome like yourself and that can be scary for them. They may realize they are not ready to commit to a relationship yet and they’re not truly over their ex. (I have been the person who has done this, shamefully. I’ve definitely learned my lesson.) But at least they didn’t enter a relationship with you and string you along. They told you the truth. It would have been nice if they didn’t cut contact with you but maybe it’s for the better. You don’t want to be with someone who does that anyway.
 
B

Billy Idol

Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Yorkshire
Speaking as a Man i will give advise not normally given. In Western society we gloss over this stuff i am going to give ya.

Men like a chase, like a whirlwind, like a romance. Buttttttt if it's TOO easy, very soon after the initial excitement and sex. Men then see the Woman as 'Easy' and no longer have respect for them.

Just when you are on a rebound like you have been, you have to learn to slow it down a lot. Yes it is very difficult, but just a couple more weeks before the crazy weekend sex together would probably made a VAST difference. Because he would respect you, and consequently want to stay with you.
 
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