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Relationship Troubles and Depressed Partner (depressed boyfriend)

C

Cassafrass

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Joined
Jun 14, 2021
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Hello! I would love to hear from you all about my situation.

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. During that time my boyfriend has had several severe depressive episodes to the point he considers suicide. He does not think anyone can help him and tends to be treatment-resistant to medication. On several occasions, he begins to pull away and become distant. When I check in with him on this distance, he says he has not been attracted to me and is not feeling the relationship. This always comes as confusion and 180 as he has usually been affectionate and attentive right before. We broke up for a couple of months after one of these episodes because I was hurt and didn't want to be with someone who said they didn't love me and never had, despite the evidence otherwise. I realized during our time apart it was likely anhedonia from his depression as he said he didn't really feel anything for anyone or anything.

It has now happened again Friday, even though he was very loving and acting fine towards me and our relationship during the previous weekend and week. It is so confusing because he says he doesn't want to break up but can't force a feeling that isn't there and he doesn't feel much of anything. He says he is just going through the motions.

Situationally he hates his job and said he doesn't care if he is fired or not, is bored with his life, is selling his rental property because he doesn't want the responsibility anymore, and his current living situation's lease is up and said he doesn't care where he lives next.

We currently do not live together and I am trying to give him time and space. I have not been texting him since Friday night unless to say goodnight.

I am trying to decipher if this is a result of his untreated depression or if it is something else. If you have depression have you ever felt this way towards your partner? If you are the partner of someone struggling with depression have you ever been in this conundrum?

Help :/
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
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Nov 10, 2019
Messages
8,501
Location
England
Hello,

How is everything now?

I think some people with depression just go through the motions. Depression certainly muddles the thinking so if someone says they want to divorce when depressed, it is very likely due to the illness and probably not what they really want, for example.
 
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