• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Relationship suspicion and irrational fears

R

ramenpolanski

New member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
3
Location
UK
Hi I'm new here (F) and would like to know if anybody has experienced similar issues to the ones i'm going to mention, or can relate to the thought processes. Would just like to know that I'm not alone.

I experience intense fear of abandonment with my partner of a year, so much so that if I know they are around new people, people who neither of us have met before, if i am not with my partner at the time i because extremely anxious to the point of an anxiety attack and tears that they are going to find someone better than me to replace me, and that if they ever mention the new friends theyve made in a positive light, then i feel extremely jealous but also insignificant, as if theyre going to leave me for these new people who are probably more attractive and more interesting than i am.

These feelings are super intense and can often trigger panic attacks and the like, even though my partner an i have a really healthy relationship and nothing has happened to warrant these suspicions, i struggle to articulate it to them because i know in my head that im not being rational, although just because i am aware of my irrationality doesnt mean that i can banish these thoughts and i just get mad at myself for feeling this way.
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
46,318
Location
Lancashire
:welcome: to the forum. I don't have borderline but I can understand what you are saying. Its awful to feel that way. I was wondering if you could write your boyfriend a letter. I know that sounds odd in a place where you live together. But it can give you space and time to think through what you would like to say and give him time to really understand what you are going through.

Have you ever heard of DBT? Its Dialectical behavioural therapy - made for people with BPD. It might be an idea to look it up and see if you can find help through it.
 
collectingfeathers

collectingfeathers

Member
Joined
Feb 6, 2020
Messages
20
Location
FL
I struggled with this for a long time and what it took was just exploring myself more and becoming more comfortable in my own skin. I realized I was unhappy with myself, I cut out social media which worked WONDERS it’s crazy how images can effect our subconscious. Wanting things or to look a certain way that’s not your own. My advice is to find a hobby or new routine you enjoy and see how it goes, because the biggest thing that does is preoccupies the mind and allows to stop ruminating on these fears.
 
R

ramenpolanski

New member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
3
Location
UK
:welcome: to the forum. I don't have borderline but I can understand what you are saying. Its awful to feel that way. I was wondering if you could write your boyfriend a letter. I know that sounds odd in a place where you live together. But it can give you space and time to think through what you would like to say and give him time to really understand what you are going through.

Have you ever heard of DBT? Its Dialectical behavioural therapy - made for people with BPD. It might be an idea to look it up and see if you can find help through it.
thank you, i've been advised to do this before (both the therapy and the letter) so thank you so much for your advice, i will look into both xx
 
R

ramenpolanski

New member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
3
Location
UK
I struggled with this for a long time and what it took was just exploring myself more and becoming more comfortable in my own skin. I realized I was unhappy with myself, I cut out social media which worked WONDERS it’s crazy how images can effect our subconscious. Wanting things or to look a certain way that’s not your own. My advice is to find a hobby or new routine you enjoy and see how it goes, because the biggest thing that does is preoccupies the mind and allows to stop ruminating on these fears.

thanks so mcuh for your advice regarding social media and the like, really appreciate your time and your words
 
Top