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Relationship problems and BPD

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Fragile81

New member
Joined
Dec 2, 2018
Messages
1
#1
Surprise, surprise. I'm having relationship problems and I need help. Every single time I meet someone I like I begin a very unhealthy pattern. I feel so intensely that I message them or seek them out all the time. Sometimes, in the beginning, they're flattered and seem to enjoy the attention. But inevitably the frequency of contact drops off. I know what's coming. I'm going to be alone again. So I do what I can to hang on. I find excuses to message them. I like every status they post. I *know* that this isn't helpful. I *know* I look crazy. But the anxiety is so overwhelming and contact, even if it's not reciprocated, makes things bearable for a minute. I also *know* this is an unhealthy coping mechanism. Right now I'm at the threshold staring down this rabbit hole again. I met a guy that I really like, and we hit it off and we talked for hours everyday. But then he started to pull back because he was busy, and I started to cling. Now, I'm certain he's ignoring me. I know he's been online, but he hasn't even read my message. I am very tempted to lash out and tell him he's being cruel and insensitive. But also I'm in agony. I hate myself for doing this every time. Every time I think I've learned my lesson. However, I know that if I lash out or keep messaging, nothing good will come of it. So my question is: 1) what do I do instead of messaging and/or lashing out and 2) how do I stop this from happening? Is it even possible to stop it before I alternate someone I like? Thank you.
 
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LittleEll

Member
Joined
Nov 27, 2018
Messages
12
Location
Staffordshire
#2
Hi!

I have this exact same problem. The amount of people I’ve met who have said they either “don’t understand me, I’m a mystery (not necessary a good thing)” and how many people have said I come on too strong is beyond belief. I’m currently in a relationship and when we first met I was the exact same. Constantly wondering whether they liked me or whether he was ignoring me. I was going insane.
I decided to take a step back. I went for walks etc to distract myself from constantly checking my phone. Then wait. If they message they message and if they don’t they don’t. You can’t control how you feel but you can control what you do with those feelings. If you’re hurting, then cry. Cry till you can’t cry anymore. If you’re angry, write it all in a letter that you’ll never send. Accept how you feel and then start to move on. If they can’t handle you now then they won’t in the future when things get more serious. DO NOT BELIEVE THAT BECAUSE YOU HAVE BPD YOU WILL NEVER SETTLE IN A RELATIONSHIP. It’s finding the person that loves you and loves your BPD. My partner says it keeps things exciting because he doesn’t know what he’s going to wake up to in a morning and finds it interesting how my mind works and reacts to things. Don’t think you’re a problem, you just haven’t found the person to be with.
 
tragicpink

tragicpink

Active member
Joined
Nov 22, 2018
Messages
42
Location
Canada
#3
to answer your first question, i think it might be a good idea to write down all of your feelings elsewhere like in a journal or something to sort of process how you're feeling to avoid say, lashing out at someone.it might also be a good idea to busy yourself up with other hobbies and interests so you arent constantly craving affection and using your time toward some things that you enjoy
 
BPDevil

BPDevil

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 7, 2018
Messages
180
Location
Hell
#4
I do this too and I guess before you message or lash out, you have to consider how they will feel when they read it and ask yourself if it is really their fault or problem on how you currently feel or how you would react if someone sent you similar messages or lashed out at you about something you have no control over

but its easier said than done I know
 
Tired Daisy

Tired Daisy

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 30, 2016
Messages
10,148
Location
5,437 miles from Hollywood
#5
I do this too and I guess before you message or lash out, you have to consider how they will feel when they read it and ask yourself if it is really their fault or problem on how you currently feel or how you would react if someone sent you similar messages or lashed out at you about something you have no control over

but its easier said than done I know
Its a problem that lays within society and not necessarily the individuals themselves. When bad things happen to a person it creates a whole lot of other problems for them that are out of there control.