Relationship OCD ? Not sure

P

pfoel

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#1
I've read about this and it seems to be where you're unsure of yourself and the other person. Is this always the case?

Bit of background. Got a LONG history of anxiety/depression - on and off meds etc for 20+ years. Married 2)+ years been together nearly 30 years.

Yeh we've had our ups and downs in our time but generally good.

Every couple of months I don't know what triggers it but I get an idea in my head that my wife has been unfaithful in the past. I remember something she said or did maybe 10-15 years ago. Nothing concrete or definite. Shes the type though to do something which is harmless but could be misconstrued then say "what've I done" and not see that it could look bad.

In the past we've had chats and shes sworn on our young daughters life that shes never been unfaithful. Of course, well aware that being paranoid and badgering her is not a good thing.

Then it'll pass and it won't bother me for months and months. Its weird.

I do try to separate myself and say to myself, yes ok this is not real, this is all in your head. And try to say the old saying "go with your gut instinct" which 95% of the time doesnt worry about only when I'm having a bad spell.

Does this sound typical?
 
H

Helena1

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#2
How long does it last when you have these thoughts? How much time do you spend thinking about them and how much does it affect you at that time? How much is it affecting your relationship?

I think to a certain extent it is normal to occasionally think that your partner may be cheating, but if it affecting you or your relationship a lot then it is an issue, whether it can be classed as ROCD or not.
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

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#3
I wouldn't call it Relationship OCD. A lot of people in relationships may occasionally have doubt, but they realise that they should trust their partner and that they've put a lot of work into making the relationship as good as it is. If you don't have any evidence for your partner cheating and you keep asking if she has, there may come a day where she will decide enough is enough, and leave. It's a dangerous thing to do without any reason - I get that you'll randomly think of it and you have less control over that, but don't jeopardise your relationship based on a fleeting thought that you recognise happens regularly. <3
 
J

JD

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#4
This is definetely ROCD.

It has all the features of it.

Considering the fact that you have anxiety/depression also fits, meaning that your amygdala is hyperactive at the moment, a part of the brain giving you the feeling that something is wrong and has to be taken care of.

Unfortunately this is avery primitive part of the brain with the mind and intellect of a little baby and so there is now way to reason with it.

And though this part of the brain is very mighty and can give you a very hard time by sending you uncomfortable feelings, it would be irresponsible of you to let it control your life as no one with a healty mind would ever allow a little child take control over your behaviour and how to deal with everyday life problems.

Your amygdala is stupid and so from time to time makes proposals to think about something, in your case if your wife has been unfaithful in the past. Though this comes with bad feelings and feels (what by no way has to mean that it indeed is a real problem, its just a feeling) very important it is still your choice how to react to that and your responsibility to react correct.

And if your conscious, reasonable mind does not see any reason to be worried about this issue then you have to treat those doubts and nagging feelings as wrong signals from your amygdala and not to buy into it.

The good news is that your amygdala is stupid and so somehow depending on your conscious decisions as it cannot make reasonable decisions by itself and so will watch attentively how you will react to the proposed topic

If you buy into the it proposes, the amgdala will also consider it as important, if you don't, if you ignore it, it will learn to give this topic less importance and bother you less and less.

Based on your reaction you indirectly have the ability to direct on how this topic will develop for you in the future and become more (by reacting to it) or less (by not reacting to it) disturbing.

But be prepared that your hyperactive amygdala will go for other topics (and I am sure it has done so in the past) after you dealt with this topic.

You have to show endurance not buying into any topic that you not fully agree with to have it calmed down in the long term.
 

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