- Oct 13, 2017
I have been in love with my boyfriend for about a year now. When we first met and started dating everything was perfect. Every moment we got together was like heaven and it still is. It pretty much is my number source of happiness in my whole life. He takes away my worries and makes me feel safe and so very loved. I swear he is like a dream come true. I’ve always had OCD. The type of OCD where you overthink everything and your mind convinced you of things. Lately it’s been so bad but only focused around my relationship. It’s like every single thought I think or feeling I have is true or real and I believe it just for thinking it. A thought might go through my mind that I’m capable of cheating on my boyfriend then it turns into if I’m in a situation would I be able to say no then it turns into I’m basically not capable of not cheating on you because I have no control and I’m a horrible terrible person. It has gotten so bad I have told him my thoughts and he has trouble understanding them too but he tries as hard as he can. I notice all his flaws and stuff when I never ever used to and I really don’t care about him having flaws because everyone has flaws. I have so many flaws it’s ridiculous. All I know is I want him... and my brain doubts everythingggg. It’s killing me. It’s killing us. I can’t live with these intrusive thoughts anymore. I only told you about a couple but it’s so bad. I cry all day and want to die the rest of my life.