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Relationship going well, but depression is clouding my assessment of it

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theotherjefflebowski

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Nov 26, 2014
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Relationship going well, but depression is clouding my assessment of it

Hi all,

As the subject header says, I'm currently in a promising relationship, which has lasted around 5 months thus far. She is a kind, generous and adventurous person with a determinedly cheerful outlook on life. We get on very well, and the sex is great.

The issue is this. She has twice told me she loves me, and insisted I don't have to say it back. The unfortunate thing is that I don't feel I can say it back. If you asked me today whether I was in love, I would have to say no. In all other respects, I think she is fantastic. It's an impossibly miserable thought that I may have to pass on something so good, and I am trying hard not to succumb fully to my usual depressive cycle before I know what to do.

This also harks back to a relationship many years ago I was in which lasted for 6 years, and was very similar. A great person, loving and kind, but I wasn't in love. I wasn't honest about those feelings (a case of telling myself not to be ungrateful for what was otherwise a good situation), and it went on for far too long. Crucially, I've never regretted the decision to end it.

Maybe it's not the same situation as that one. I am not looking for validation or an excuse to split up with her, far from it. I am kind of desperate for it to work, because I've been spectacularly unlucky in love over the last 5 years. I am very fond of this person, but am worried that anything less than love is a waste of everyone's time. Or perhaps I'm overthinking everything. It's all a bit exhausting, and in itself, depressing.

Any thoughts, folks? Apologies if this doesn't belong in this subtopic. I'm not sure where to put it, but all I know if that the thoughts about it are slowly crushing me. Happiness has never come easily to me.
 
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BAGGPUSS

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Forum can we bump this to the top of the posts I think it got burried under my silly posts

thanks
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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I don't feel in love with my partner, I think once I was but now I just feel like we exist in the same house. I believe like you depression has definately clouded things for me. If she loves you she will stick with you regardless of you saying love you back as when you do shell know you mean it. I think people these days say it far too easily as a throw away thing. Try not over think things and take each days as it comes, I hope for you the cloud will lift soon.
 
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theotherjefflebowski

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Nov 26, 2014
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:welcome: to the Forum, I hope you find it helpful.

xx
Thanks Bagpuss! I think it will be a great help to be able to talk to people familiar with my particular condition. My family try their best, but it is tough on them.
 
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theotherjefflebowski

New member
Joined
Nov 26, 2014
Messages
3
I don't feel in love with my partner, I think once I was but now I just feel like we exist in the same house. I believe like you depression has definately clouded things for me. If she loves you she will stick with you regardless of you saying love you back as when you do shell know you mean it. I think people these days say it far too easily as a throw away thing. Try not over think things and take each days as it comes, I hope for you the cloud will lift soon.
Hi Wildflower, sorry to hear about your situation. Depression never fails to affect everything in life to a degree, but I hope you two can find a way through to something that satisfies you both. Thanks for your advice - I am relentless over-analyzer!
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Whatever will be will be!! I'm too, not afraid, i guess maybe overwhelmed by everything and life and it not necessarily being what I'd hoped I duno. I feel more and more disconnected from who I was everyday and I just don't know who I am anymore.
How are you feeling now? Anymore clarity? :)
 
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