Relationship counselling?

[Wynn]

My partner (of 20+ years) and I are thinking of going to relationship counselling. He has recently, over the last year, come out of a major depression. Our relationship was a roller coaster whilst he was depressed (nothing unusual there though, I suspect) but unfortunately, over the last year, as he has recovered, the relationship has really gone down hill.

We find it really difficult now to talk about 'us' without arguing, so I think a counsellor might help in that respect. I imagine counselling will either help us move forward a step in our relationship, or help us to split more amicably. Just wondering what other people's experience of relationship counselling has been? Some people have suggested to me that it only works if both partners have been to seperate counsellors first, so that they know about / have dealt with all their own 'baggage' first - do you think this is true?

 

[schiz01]

I think it would be a good idea to see a therapist by your self as they would be able to concentrate just on you and help you where as with 2 of you the therapist has to take you both into consideration.

 

[Ben]

a late reply, but just read your mssge now. Did you make any decisions? or saw already a therapist?

Me and my wife also had some heavy times. Ones she had a period of depression and this also shaked things between us. it is several years ago, and we went for a few months to a couple therapist who worked with the method of Harville Hendrix (or Hendrikx). Here it is called 'imago-therapy'. It helped both of us to explain what bothered or hurt us in the relationship, to look at what we wished from a relationship and to really listen to each other and contain each other. Even though you go together this method helps each one to discover where are your sensitivities and what makes it great is that the other one is present and sees what is the source of your pain so it also creates much more understanding for each other (and for yourself). I think it is almost five years ago.

Hope you'll manage to work things out together, at least to understand each other and not have arguments. many things, also depression, can make mayor pressure on your relationship. Hope you'll stay close. good luck