- Jan 31, 2021
I have been married for almost a 10 years now, we have several kids together. I have been unhappy in this relationship for years. We have not had a real connection for about five years now. I tried to leave several times, I tried because I knew that's what I needed to do for myself. He wouldn't allow it, he didn't think that was the right choice. Not realizing what he was doing he pushed me deeper into depression. After months of fighting I finally gave up. I made up my mind to stay and to forget about my own happiness. It worked for awhile but then that feeling of needing to find happiness kept creeping up on me, I tried to ignore it. Recently my doctor decided to put me on anti depressents because I showed several signs of being depressed. The meds worked they shut off my feelings but that also shut off why I was willing to stay. I had horrible side effects from the meds though so I decided to get off them after only a few days. Then the feeling of needing to leave to find my own happiness came back but with a vengeance. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I'm trying to ignore it, to push it back, but it's eating at me. He keeps wanting to talk but I can't because if I bring any of this up we will just start fighting again and I have no fight left. I'm tired, this is draining any energy I have left. I know this is starting to effect my kids too I can see it, I can feel their pain. I just don't know how to make this better. I can't keep my head above water anymore. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I need someone to talk to but I know nobody will understand. What am I supposed to do???? I feel so alone in this world.