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Relationship baggage

M

motts

New member
Joined
May 2, 2009
Messages
1
Hi. Im new to this site and wondering if anyone has had a similar experience. A few years ago I was married to a woman with bipolar. To say it was a rollercoaster is an understement. When she was stable it was the most loving, fulfilling relationship of my life. But when she was unstable it was like living in a nightmare you couldnt wake up from. I tried my best to be calm, loving and supportive especialy when she was at her worst as I always believed it was a moment in time and I thought I could handle the extra stress. Besides as I said, I was in love with her. Anyway, things went from bad to worse and in the end and on top of everything else, I found out she was seeing an old ex of hers. (even right before and after the wedding!). He was married too and about 20 years older than her. This stunning betrayal was excrutiating. And we had had a wild and passionate sex life up to that point. Well, painful as all that was, as soon as I found out about them I had had enough and filed for divorce. I went through a deep depression for a few months after. I swear, there were days when I thought about suicide. Anyway, eventually I came out of it and felt OK again. Ive since met another woman (much more stable) and things are pretty good except. Since the whole horrible experience with my ex, Ive noticed that I dont really trust women anymore including my current GF. Theres no logical reason for this and I have no reason not to trust her. Ive never had jealousy, trust issues with girlfriends in the past but now I do. This is not just baggage from a past experience and I know it all stems from the above story. Has anyone had a similar experience and can you give any advice? This is really bothering me. Thanks Jim
 
D

Dollit

Guest
This may sound a little shallow and a bit obvious but the only way to trust is to trust.

I don't trust people easily and I have reason not to trust them. When I do it's because they've proved to me that it's okay. I have a very close friend. He's the first person I turn to when I need someone and we talk about everything together. But it took a long time to get to the point where I could truly relax. He has told me he will never deliberately hurt me. And that was my starting point. If I can believe that then the rest will follow. And it does. So don't focus on a target way off in the distance just look at the here and now. Today she won't deliberately hurt you and if she doesn't you can trust that she won't do it tomorrow.
 
ThatCleo

ThatCleo

Member
Joined
May 2, 2009
Messages
21
Location
Australia
You have been very hurt and I understand your reservations. But as Dollit says, " the only way to trust is to trust". That takes a leap of faith. There are people out there who will hurt us - bipolar or not. But to withdraw is not good for anybody.

So please leap in a good positive way. :love: I hope, you can be more self-aware, but not 100% 24/7 distrustful.

Good luck. You may have a keeper with the current girlfriend.
 
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