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Relationship anxiety - Has anyone been in a similar situation??

L

Las5678

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Joined
Aug 2, 2016
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2
I have never felt so depressed and lost in my life
I have an amazing boyfriend who is really trying to help me through my mums attempted suicide. My mum overdosed on pills and this has affected me a lot. When I think about my boyfriend I feel so anxious about our relationship that I have become depressed and can't eat anymore.
He is my first boyfriend and we have been going out for 2 and a 1/2 months. The first 2 months were good. Now he has told me he loves me, but I don't love him yet and this is making me feel really sad and guilty. I don't see a future, mainly because I don't see a future with anyone at all, which makes me so sad. I try to imagine myself doing things with him, like going to family gatherings, even for meals but it just makes me feel stressed. He would probably be a great person to help me through all my problems but Im not letting him. Every time I see him I feel dread and feel sick at first, i even have been sick 3 times that I have seen him. I feel better when I'm with him but then as soon as I leave him I feel so down about everything again and it's just getting worse. I really don't want to hurt him but I see no other way out of my pain and panic. I know that I have a phobia of commitment and I really don't know how I'll ever get over it. I just wish I felt the same about him and could make this work, but I'm just becoming more depressed. None of this is his fault but he's the one that's going to get hurt. And if he know how I was feeling he'd be so shocked. I feel so bad about feeling how I feel.
Has anyone been in a similar situation??
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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Jun 13, 2015
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Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
Years ago I had a boyfriend but I didn't love him the way he loved me. I kept him because he had long hair and access to marijuana. He was in college and I was in highschool. So it was very cool to be with him. I use to write him letters when he was away at college. I wrote very eloquently about finding love and giving the great love we have hidden inside of us. But when he came back into town for the summer, I didn't really love him. I think it was because I was too young. Your situation reminds me of that time. You get older and you change and making a commitment becomes possible.
 
Nikita

Nikita

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Jun 20, 2015
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Hello Laz,

I am sorry to hear of your troubles and losing your mum in that way is a terrible loss.

You say he is your first boyfriend and you have been together two and a half months.

It isn't surprising you haven't developed deep feelings yet.Ithink you should tell your boyfriend it is early days and you need to go slowly,especially as you are still grieving your mother.

There is no pressing need to end things with your boyfriend if you don't want to hurt him,just let him know the L word isn't something that is happening for you and you are not sure how you will feel in the future and leave it at that.

You certainly shouldn't feel you need to make any commitments based on your boyfriend supporting you through your mother's death.

Your fear of commitment does need to be addressed though,are you seeing a therapist?You certainly have strong reactions to the though of it and to actually be sick when you see your boyfriend is a serious reaction.

I do think you need help with this.Do not worry about it because I am sure a good therapist can help you to get over it.Still then if your boyfriend is not the one for you there isn't any obligation.

I hope you overcome these issues meanwhile be kind and patient to yourself as losing your mother is a big thing and you need time and space to grieve, consider bereavement therapy.I am not surprised commitment is an issue for you as losing someone like you lost your mother must have triggered many fears.Best wishes,Nikitax
 
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