Relationship Anxiety, Confused, Please Help

S

slm5592

New member
Joined
Dec 18, 2018
Messages
1
Hi Everyone.

This is new to me but I'm really in need of some help from people who might understand how I'm feeling because I'm at a loss.

I've been with my boyfriend nearly two years. The first year was a struggle, he is a year and half younger than me and is finishing uni. Within the first year he struggled to cope with juggling everything and he left me twice. After the second break up we spent two months apart then he told me he still loved me and if we got back together everything would be different. I know I probably sound like a mug going back a third time, but we genuinely love each other and I guess it just wasn't our time.

Credit to him, he's been amazing since we got back together. He's stuck to his word, he's made all the changes we discussed and I've been so happy - it's been 8 months.

So I don't understand why I worry every single day. I worry that I'm not good enough, I worry that he's going to leave me again, I worry that he's going to meet someone better. The list never ends. I also bring up the past a lot which isn't fair but I don't know how to let it go. I'm so scared of getting hurt again.


It's got to the point where it's really coming between us and it's pushing him away. I don't really understand what's going on inside my own head so I don't know how to help myself. It's really getting me down. I never thought I was an anxious person but after doing some research I think I have an anxiety issue.

Has anyone else experienced anything like this and can help me cope?

Thank you
x
 
somedaymaybe

somedaymaybe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 28, 2018
Messages
227
Location
Australia
I think for anyone that has been betrayed or hurt by someone they love, more than once, it's going to have an affect on our trust in others. This can cause anxiety if it's what consumes our mind a lot. It's good that your partner has been proving for 8 months that he has changed, but sometimes it can still take a bit of time for us (the ones who were hurt) to fully put our trust in someone again. There's no set pace to these things, and I think you just need to give yourself time to observe and see that he's trying and he's being amazing. Definitely discuss this with him; communication is key, and sharing how you feel can help in the process of building back that trust and moving on from the past. Good luck!
 
C

Cody1596

New member
Joined
Dec 22, 2018
Messages
2
Hey,

It's absolutely a tough situation to be in. I actually just joined today because I had an anxiety relapse. It's so great that you've both worked things out though. I've struggled with an anxiety disorder that manifested into different variations of OCD depending on the situation. Back when in high school which was like five years ago now, I was in a relationship with a girl that I thought I loved. I contemplated and overanalzyed every feeling I had with her. I would nitpic the relationship and notice it's flaws religiously. Fair to say, I was so preoccupied in my own thoughts I couldn't function and started to have panic attacks that were intense and had emerged through the relationship. I went to years of CBT therapy which has turned me literally into a different person. I'm so thankful that there's help out there and I know that you will find a way through it too. There's different techniques for everyone. There's an emotional attachment to your thoughts. If you learn certain techniques through cognative behavioral therapy you can deal with the emotional foundation that underlay the reaction to certain thoughts. I also attempt to mediate frequently as that can help relieve some of the tension your feeling, just realize that some thoughts are irrational and counterproductive and that they can be dissociated from yourself with some training. We all have problems, I'm sorry that this is happening to you, but just know that there are millions of people with anxiety and the first steps, which you've already done, is acknowledging that you may have anxiety. If I were you, I would talk to your doctor and see if you can meet with a psychologist, or even a licensed clinical social worker. Just having someone there to listen makes a world of difference. They're like a third party source that lets you mediate your own thoughts and they're there simply to help draw out your subconscious thoughts which you can learn to reflect on. Medication is also an option in coordination with a therapist. With medication, such as antidepressants, which help alleviate anxious tendencies, you can learn to think in a way that's completely different than the neurochemistry you've ever had. It's a change of brain flow and helps uncover what emotions may have been missing and/or dampen the irrational tendencies of an anxious state of mind. I hope you found this useful and I hope that you feel better soon!

Best,
Cody
 

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