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Relationship Advice

D

dke

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Aug 20, 2020
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31
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My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship but had the chance to live together for a year as I was able to study in his city. I didn't know anyone and he used to always go out with his friends and be okay with the fact, that I was going to be by myself at home. This was multiple times a week and made me feel very insecure as I started to think that something is wrong with me because he didn't want to spend time with me.

Since I'm back in my home country, we talk about 30 minutes every day from Monday to Friday due to his busy work schedule. But instead of taking time to talk to me on the weekends, he has his entire weekend (Friday till Sunday) planned out with his friends and family. He mostly talks to me when he is driving from one spot to another.

I have been going through depression and major sleeping problems (that I kept mentioning to him) since august and haven't got any support from him since he is too busy with his social life.



What do you guys think?
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
i think if you are feeling neglected you should tell him ,that doesn't sound like a lot of time to spend together ,he might not even know you feel this way x hope things get sorted x Lu x
 
F

Freesong

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Sep 30, 2019
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It sounds like you are saying "He mostly talks to me when he is driving from one spot to another." It does not sound like you are his number one priority.

It still may be good to have someone like him that talks with you. Everyone needs socializing. Do you have a commitment you made to him or are you free to pursue other social interaction? It seems like you are dependent on him more than he is dependent on you.

Have you considered talking to a therapist?
 
D

dke

Active member
Joined
Aug 20, 2020
Messages
31
Location
Germany
i think if you are feeling neglected you should tell him ,that doesn't sound like a lot of time to spend together ,he might not even know you feel this way x hope things get sorted x Lu x
Thank you @Fairy Lucretia for your answer. I have been telling him since September-October 2019 on a consistent basis. I tried it the angry and nice way nothing seems to work.
 
D

dke

Active member
Joined
Aug 20, 2020
Messages
31
Location
Germany
It sounds like you are saying "He mostly talks to me when he is driving from one spot to another." It does not sound like you are his number one priority.

It still may be good to have someone like him that talks with you. Everyone needs socializing. Do you have a commitment you made to him or are you free to pursue other social interaction? It seems like you are dependent on him more than he is dependent on you.

Have you considered talking to a therapist?
He honestly just makes me feel unworthy and sad with his behavior. Especially because at the beginning of our relationship we would spend 3-4 hours on the phone every day. But since we started to live together I have been always begging him to spend time with me.

I had a therapist for a couple of months, but honestly can't really say that it transformed my life.

I'm actually at a point, where I don't want to spend time with him anyway, cause I feel like he only does it to avoid fights. I'm just really wondering if I want to live my life like this forever. He might not be the right one for me.
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

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Joined
Mar 3, 2020
Messages
1,642
Location
USA
My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship but had the chance to live together for a year as I was able to study in his city. I didn't know anyone and he used to always go out with his friends and be okay with the fact, that I was going to be by myself at home. This was multiple times a week and made me feel very insecure as I started to think that something is wrong with me because he didn't want to spend time with me.

Since I'm back in my home country, we talk about 30 minutes every day from Monday to Friday due to his busy work schedule. But instead of taking time to talk to me on the weekends, he has his entire weekend (Friday till Sunday) planned out with his friends and family. He mostly talks to me when he is driving from one spot to another.

I have been going through depression and major sleeping problems (that I kept mentioning to him) since august and haven't got any support from him since he is too busy with his social life.



What do you guys think?
I think you need a new boyfriend. It's apparent where his priorities lay and that is not with you.

But, you already know that-right? Find someone closer to home.
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

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Mar 3, 2020
Messages
1,642
Location
USA
Thanks for sharing your opinion @Alexander Ypsilantis.

I guess I do, just need some time to admit it to myself.
I understand, it's not easy to end a relationship. But, if it isn't meeting your needs now even though you've made it clear to your bf that it isn't, it likely will not change. In fact, it'll probably get worse.

Sometimes it's better to just cut your losses and strike out in a new direction, even if it creates some immediate stress. The bf of your dreams may be right around the corner, waiting to meet you. Best of luck.
 
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