• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Relationship advice

B

bnmaxi

Member
Joined
Jan 10, 2015
Messages
8
Location
Bucks, England
I'm so confused on what to do. I don't want a relationship because I've always been unhappy previously and seen how damaging they are to everyone involved. I've seen and been through some horrendously abusive and destructive relationships and never want to put myself through that. I want a nice guy but I can't commit.

I'm scared of commitment, I don't want to get hurt...but I also don't want to hurt them.
I use guys as my comfort mechanism, when I feel ugly or low I go out and flirt with guys to make me feel better and give myself a confidence boost but that often leads to me having sex with them or at the very least kissing. I don't want to give this up and I just don't think a boyfriend no matter how much I loved them and cared about them could ever change my mind. I have cheated on my previous boyfriends. I wouldn't be honest either and that fucks me up in the head because then I get upset and angry.

But sleeping with guys for an ego boost and to make myself feel better is really stupid and now makes me feel a bit used and upset. Though I'm not that regretful of any one particular incident or in general because they all seemed kinda right or somewhat justifiable at the time and I don't see the point in sacrificing my future by living with the past.


I do want to change and have a happy exclusive relationship but the sort of guy I go for are not nice guys! They are always bad boys who cheat, lie and are players. I'm not attracted to nice guys!

Please give me some advice I don't want to be like this and I want to change.
 
bulbie

bulbie

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 21, 2010
Messages
18,476
Location
Ayrshire
You sound conflicted. Nice guys are out there. And one day you will fall for one and he you. It's not the niceness you're not attracted to, they just previously haven't been your sort of people.
 
B

bnmaxi

Member
Joined
Jan 10, 2015
Messages
8
Location
Bucks, England
Yeah I get you but I think it genuinely has a lot to do with the fact that I do quite like bad boys. I guess it's cuz I'm kinda messed up myself and want to help others as well I guess, so I put too much faith and understanding in just down right horrible people!
 
Top