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Relation-ships...... poem by a friend of mine.

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telemetry9

Guest
Relation-Ships.

How can I learn to love myself,
How can I learn to be loved,
Can I ever learn to forgive myself,
the child in me so broken
so wanting love and yet so afraid
a giant house so far away
the doors all locked
and outside it is so cold

it seems so easy for them inside
through the windows i can see them
smiling in a family way in one part
in another they are lovers opening wine
healthy people with rights to passage
unlike me so unlike my life
theres absolutely no way
i'm barred from there forever

it would hurt me to love someone again
so undeserving and shameful a thing
a broken hound of love in chaos
struggling with the thing called love
i can never make fit inside my heart
it doesn't want me
it's like it never did

i am beginning to learn
beginning to see
the broken dreams of that child
the tears and heartache of those years
have barred me from the gates of relationship
i don't think now that it will ever change

i look at men and want them so
to love me and touch me and see me for who i am
but how could i
to do that would be to let them in
to see the broken person so afraid
a damaged heart and mind still healing
who would accept a gift of brokenness.

If only I could forgive me
a stupid broken piece of meat
to blame for all the things that broke me
a weeping sack stuck in a corner
a dirty rag thrown and tossed over
but i know i'm worth more than this
if only the reality could overcome the core of me
the sense of being nothing.

it seem that even they have problems
what hope for some maniac like me

no - the door is closed for me
no use pretending i could be loved
the evidence is ghastly from past mistakes
like a city after an earthquake
the smoking ruins are laughable
i can't raise above the rubble
i'm not strong enough to rebuild

relationship - what a dirty word it seems
a broken tactless thing with teeth
savage in its exclusive and successful nature
primed for health and for vigour
walking gaily past the lonely strangers
wanting the dream of the world and forever
of sweet hearts and icing real love upon the layers

the audacity of these people to be in love
what makes them think they can get away with it
like the child i used to be
looking at families and those who seemed happy
wondering what happened to me
how can a dream become a nightmare
how can you die and still be living
whilst the world smiles and buys each other presents.

I sometimes hated them
I really did
the perfect family still held close in the street
i could see them a mile away
how they broke my heart
each and every time.

the bon voyage of the relation-ship.




ps. i've been told to apologize for the reference to earthquake
the poem was written some time ago.
 
A

Ainsworth

Guest
thats a very powerful and moving poem, thank your friend for writing it and give them a hug (if they can) :hug:
 
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telemetry9

Guest
Thank you - she wanted me to delete it because of the reference to the earthquake but we couldn't find a way to do it. We both felt it was too soon maybe for that reference. Anyway - it's up there now.

The reason for posting it was perhaps to connect with other people who might find a comparison with themselves or something they could relate to. That's all.

Thank you and I will give her a hug...

robert.
 
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