Relapsed

B

Beautiful-Disaster

Guest
#1
Feeling like complete shit. Hurt myself again, haven't done it since just before christmas. I feel guilty yet relieved, Can't handle anymore, can't cope any longer, i'm tired and worn out, i just can't go on anymore :-( I don't want to go in to work and don't know what to say to them, as far as they are aware i just have depresison...they have no idea about the BPD or adjustment disorder. :-( why is it all so fucking hard and complicated!!!!!
 
speckles

speckles

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Joined
Nov 9, 2012
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Uk
#2
They have no need to know about the other problems they wouldn't understand them any way. Beauty you know your thoughts and mood go up and down and you have better times and worse times, you need to try and hold on in those harder times that you do have better days. It takes time to deal with the difficulties you face but in the end you can, you just have to keep going despite the toughness. SH is just the way you are coping at the moment at somepoint you won't need it.
 
B

Beautiful-Disaster

Guest
#3
CBT ended on Friday - she said if I feel really suicidal then to ring GP as they can refer you to services, but they dont. I have asked before and they refuse. I feel lost and unsure who to turn to for help before i get really bad again like I was at Christmas :(
 
speckles

speckles

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Joined
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1,680
Location
Uk
#4
Haven't you got a new gp? If so they may take a different view they do not always take the same views about things, you could go to A and E they have to assess you the duty psychiatrist for crisis team has to come, I am not saying they will offer you support but they do have to come and see you and will talk to you at least then. You have a psychiatrist you could ask to make an appointment sooner than the one you have, explain what is going on, they can access some services. Could you phone that person at fdl again? Ring the samaritians. What you have to remember is that you have a trigger for feeling worse with CBT finishing it is a change which your problems mean you find hard to deal with, it is a loss you need time to come to terms with, but you won't always feel so intense about the ending, this part of the BPD talking, in the long term in order to be able to get better you need to be able to know that you find these things hard but that you can get through them.
 
B

Beautiful-Disaster

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#5
wow how have u remembered so much about me? FDL wont see me again as they are only a secondary care and only deal with therapy. I didn't change GPs in the end as wanted to carry on with my CBT, shes advised me to go to my GP app next week and ask how they are gonna help in a crisis, and if they wont, then move for good. I dont know what to do about work, part of me wants to ride it out and see how i go, but the other part of me couldnt care less and im too tired to be bothered about it :-(
 
speckles

speckles

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Joined
Nov 9, 2012
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#6
Her advice about the gp seems sound and a good idea. Try to find yourself that you new therapy is now closer to starting than it was. I would suggest with work to try and ride it out, however, tough because it serves other helpful functions of building a new life, and getting money, and so although it provides stress it can also help remove stress, and the routine usually helps and having a job helps with self esteem. I guess with depression although it is really hard to do you have to try a fight the feelings of tiredness and not feeling bothered because that is the illness and it is easy to make spur of the moment decisions to help short term which are not helpful in the long term.

P.s I guess I remembered those things about you because that it what you have written and said about, and I have read about it and I suppose it is not that helpful to try and help if you don't listen to what has been said, and a forum is really just like listening to someone in a conversation and having a conversation, you just don't literally open your mouth!
 
B

Beautiful-Disaster

Guest
#7
Thank you for remembering that means a lot. To know i am being listened to somewhere!

It is really hard cus im so tired but i know deep down i cant quit which adds to my frustration. Only been there 3 weeks. 4 weeks on Thursday.
 
speckles

speckles

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Joined
Nov 9, 2012
Messages
1,680
Location
Uk
#8
Well you need to think it is amazing that you have kept going, despite your feelings and difficulties and she should feel good about yourself to have done this and award yourself a wow sticker like you get in school! (i used to have stamps that I put on my students work when they did good, the wow one had a stamp of a whale). Usually the best way through is the hardest way in the short term but gives the best chance of recovery. Also mh services and gp's are often more responsive to bpd and depression sufferers if they feel you are trying to help yourself and they see this in very superficial terms and you trying to keep a job may encourage them gradually to give you the support you need to help you stay there. ( I know services shouldn't be like this, but sometimes they are)