- Mar 7, 2021
- United States
Recently I have relapsed with my *disordered eating* (I'm not officially diagnosed but I do go into cycles of losing weight and starving myself).. After being at university for the past few months, I have lost around ten pounds and counting- mostly due to my anxiety of having to go out and get food for myself which eventually led me to only eating occasionally or then one day I would stuff my face and then not eat anything but drink coffee. I dyed my hair three times (having to bleach it twice) since being here and at first I thought that's why my hair was falling out but now that it seems pretty healthy I don't think that dying my hair is the reason why. Its terrifying me because I'm used to getting better but its hasn't really been getting better. I feel like I can't talk to my friends about it because they both have eating disorders and I am the smallest- every time I bring up my own struggles my one friend will end up talking about how skinner people with eating disorders are more privileged than those who are fat which I agree with but idk I feel like I cant talk about it and the fact that I'm losing hair is making me feel so much worse. It hasn't been this bad since I was fourteen and idk I keep getting better then getting far worse like I'm subconsciously making up excuses for myself not to eat at different moments (like someone will give me food and I'll get up and clean instead and I realized this recently) or forgetting to eat which might be part of ADHD but I think I'm just making up excuses for myself IDK. A lot of my hair has just been falling out in the shower whenever I run my hands through it but like at an abnormal rate. I don't know if this is a vent or if this makes any sense or if I'm even asking for advice but if anyone could help in any way, I would appreciate it.