relapse of depression please help

[inthemiddle]

Hi everyone, you will have to bear with me as this might be quite long, but i really need someones advice if possible? This is my history:

AGE 15- i started to suffer depression and self harmed due to being moved house, badly bullied and not getting on with my family, i felt alone and worthless and weak and i blamed myself for having no friends and a family that i didnt love.

AGE 16- My self harm got worse i was doing it every day, and at every chance i could. I hid it very well and made friends who i became dependant on, almost like an obsession. During college, a friendship broke down and i got threatend and i tried to kill myself and ended up in hospital with a very angry unsupportive mother and no follow up.

AGE 17- I went to the doctors and got some medication, and a referral with a mental health team who didnt help at all and "abandoned" me so I found myself a third counsellor because i wasnt comfortable enough with the others to open up.

AGE 18- The medication had been working but the effect had worn off so i was put on a different one which made me do crazy things like walk along the motorway and constant thoughts of doing stupid things. By then id been having visits from the crisis team every other day to check i wasnt going to kill myself. At the pub one night a boy asked me out and at first i said no because i didnt feel like i deserved anyone and i thought he would abandon me if he found out about my self harm as it was so bad. Eventually i accepted he genuinely liked me and we are a couple. My medication continued to make me feel out of control and i drove to a quiet spot and took it all in one go and ended up in hospital AGAIN.

I thought thats it, something snapped inside me and i just thought i dont want to do this anymore, its not how i want to live my life. I stopped all my medication and my counselling the day i came out of hospital (not recommended), I even suprised myself and stopped self harming! at first it was hard but with the love and care of my boyfriend i felt loved, respected and valued and thats what i was missing before.



AGE 19 - Me now It has been 8 months since i the day i made that vow and i stuck to it and i have felt very strong and happy and got my energy and bounce back. Ive been with my boyfriend for 9 months now and hes my rock i love him to pieces.

This is the bit that is scaring me though, the past two weeks i just havent been myself ive been really emotional and down in the dumps and ive lost intrest in everything. I hate the routine of every day, everyone seems to be in thier own world going faster than me and im somewhere else if that makes sense?

Ive lost intrest in any kind of sexual activity with my boyfriend, hes upset and even though it looks like he understands and he never forces me he thinks its him thats the problem and thinks im angry at him? Truth is every time he touches me i feel it might lead to something else and im scared as sex has always been very painful for me.

And today i got really angry and hit myself causing it to bruise, I havent done that in 8 months, im scared. I think i can see the signs but should i swallow my pride and ask for help? everyone thinks im better now and i dont want to accept defeat, who do i go to? who do i talk to? how can i stop this?

Thanks so much if you can help me xxxxxxxxx

 

[yakuza]

Hi inthemiddle and to the forum

I think the first 'professional' person that you should be discussing this with is your General Practitioner.

In the meantime posting on the forum can be very helpful

 

[Fedup]

Hello and inthemiddle

Firstly don't look at as defeat , you've been good for months so just look at as a helping hand to keep you good

Never mind what others think , you speak to your gp and take it from there.

 

[Dollit]

Hello and welcome to the forum. Thank you for sharing things with us. First talk to your boyfriend who sounds lovely and understanding and will probably like to help you.

Next go to the GP and explain how you've had a good period and now are afraid you are heading for a down period again. At this point you don't have to take medication if you don't want to but it would be a good idea to discuss various options. Take your boyfriend with you if you feel you'd like the support.

And keep coming back here and talking to us - we'll listen and if we can we'll help.

 

[Libra1]

Hi inthemiddle and to MHF we are here 24/7, hope you make lots of new friends.

Forums are friendly and supportive. Hope to see you join in when you are ready

 

[inthemiddle]

thanks everyone "hugs" ive just had an idea, i started the contraceptive pill 2 months ago for my Polycystic ovaries, its called Mercilon, i wonder if the side effects of that are depression?

 

[Dollit]

It says on this link

http://xpil.medicines.org.uk/ViewPil.aspx?DocID=7296

that you should consult your doctor before taking it if you have suffered severe depression in the past. Get an emergency appointment with your doctor as soon as and take the link with you - they can get the internet from their desks.

 

[inthemiddle]

thanks, my doctor knows i have depression as he diagnosed it but wheni went to get the contraceptive pill i went to the familly planning, they did look at my medical history and didnt warn me about it?

The next family planning is monday, i will pop in then and insist they change it. I need the pill for hormones to stop my cysts on my ovaries growing, stopping it isnt an option, yet my depression is worrying to me as i am capable of hurting myself badly if it gets too deep.

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Dollit]

There should be a pill that is more suitable for you. I know you say you went to family planning but it may be good to talk to your GP as he will be able to assess your depression for you. Tell them at family planning that the depression you suffered was severe and if there is a doctor on duty ask to speak to them. Good luck and let me know how you get on.

 

[inthemiddle]

thankyou, i will go to my GP and let you know, youve been really helpful thanks

 

[jackskellington]

Hi inthemiddle... welcome to the forum.

Hope you're ok this evening