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Relapse of anxiety/panic/depression

M

MamaMax

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Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
89
Location
Inverness
You're incredibly brave, Max. You don't want this mental illness but you're dealing with it. Like you said; you've done it before! The new dose won't begin to work straight away, it will take a bit of time. Any effect will be gradual so no need to worry about starting a different dose. It's a positive thing, Max! We've both made positive steps today like you told me earlier.

We still have our problems though. I felt like I was on cloud 9 as we turned around from heading to the hospital this afternoon, but I'm in severe pain again now with my stomach and worrying if I'm going to be able to sleep tonight. I had a bit of porridge which was good though, might try a bit more later hopefully. My stomach needs something in it.

Here if you need to chat!

Sparrow
We are all brave, I said to my mum last night how some people think mental illness is a sign of weakness (and as seen in my earlier post when I am anxious I think that too!) But actually I think it's a sign of people being too strong for too long.

I've given myself a good talking to and am now in a better place. I know the increase will be fine, I've been on 100mg before so this is not new and not new for my body either. I have also been reminding myself to put my crystal ball away (figuratively) as I cannot predict the future as much as my anxious thoughts like to tell me I can!

I had diarrhea to tonight, my first time in the evening but I think it's the porridge I ate around lunch time (my first time eating before the evening since this episode began) and the spiking anxiety over dose increase. Porridge is such an easy food to eat and is so good for you, definitely try to get some down you sparrow and hopefully it will stay put for you.

I'm just playing some Minecraft now, it's such a simple game, you can kind of space out and grind away, good for distraction.

Thanks for chatting with me sparrow, you have been such a help to me, I was telling my mum earlier how we are both increasing our doses and I was pleased I wouldn't be doing it alone as such.
 
ShySparrow

ShySparrow

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Joined
Jun 4, 2018
Messages
91
So sorry I didn't reply last night, especially after saying I was here if you needed to chat. I was in agony with this gastritis and couldn't even think. The good news is I slept all night. I woke up often to readjust my position but fell straight back asleep again. 11pm to 9am!

You sounded much more positive in your last message. I hope you slept well and you're having a good morning.

My sister in law plays Minecraft with her daughter, they love it. I watch them play sometimes, it does look relaxing. Some of those other games you play sound good. I did like The Long Dark, I played it when it was still in beta years ago! Not good for my anxiety though.

Sparrow
 
M

MamaMax

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Joined
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Messages
89
Location
Inverness
So sorry I didn't reply last night, especially after saying I was here if you needed to chat. I was in agony with this gastritis and couldn't even think. The good news is I slept all night. I woke up often to readjust my position but fell straight back asleep again. 11pm to 9am!

You sounded much more positive in your last message. I hope you slept well and you're having a good morning.

My sister in law plays Minecraft with her daughter, they love it. I watch them play sometimes, it does look relaxing. Some of those other games you play sound good. I did like The Long Dark, I played it when it was still in beta years ago! Not good for my anxiety though.

Sparrow
Don't apologise or feel obligated to reply sparrow, things are tough enough without adding any more pressure!

I'm so glad you got a better sleep even with the gastritis, that will have done you the world of good. I also slept fairly well and I increased my dose.

I have had a fairly good morning, I do feel a little wired and on edge but I know it's probably my anxiety about the dose increase so I am just muddling on. I read Matthew 6:34 this morning and am holding on to that. One day at a time.

Im avoiding games like the long dark for that reason too at the moment, no jump scares etc. I haven't actually played Minecraft in quite some time until this blip, but I have set myself the task of trying to get all the achievements and it's something that keeps me going.

It's a strange thing, I'm doing all the things I used to do really, crocheting, playing with the baby, watching rubbish, housework, cooking, gaming, yet it all feels different just now, like it's not something I used to do. Or like I'm pretending to do it. I don't know how to describe it. Anyways it will be the anxiety and I'm so hopeful that in days to come, this kind of detached feeling shifts.
 
ShySparrow

ShySparrow

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Joined
Jun 4, 2018
Messages
91
It's a nice scripture, one that I have read and thought about many times. The whole chapter is full of wonderful direction from Jesus. (Check your private messages. I have left you with a question)

You're not yourself at the moment, so things won't feel as they used to. They will again though.

Sparrow
 
M

MamaMax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
89
Location
Inverness
It's a nice scripture, one that I have read and thought about many times. The whole chapter is full of wonderful direction from Jesus. (Check your private messages. I have left you with a question)

You're not yourself at the moment, so things won't feel as they used to. They will again though.

Sparrow

I've just had the worst panic in years. I don't know if I can do this.
 
ShySparrow

ShySparrow

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Joined
Jun 4, 2018
Messages
91
I've just had the worst panic in years. I don't know if I can do this.
You CAN do this! Deep breaths. Refocus.

Yesterday was a big day for you, it might be a result of that. It will pass and you will feel much better very soon. Ground yourself. Pick your baby up and give them a big cuddle.

Sparrow
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Mar 31, 2015
Messages
1,935
I've just had the worst panic in years. I don't know if I can do this.
I think your body is in a state of high anxiety combined with the new 100mg dose of Sertraline, which is making you feel sort of distant, surreal, not really present, AND anxious to the point of more severe panic. Because it's new right now. The increase to 100mg. You're right - you have been on that dose before and you were ok. Your body just needs to adjust. And it will. It really will.

I know what anxiety / chronic panic do to the stomach and digestion. I can't eat during the day and that's with my normal resting anxiety levels when nothing bad is happening. When my anxiety spikes, I physically can't eat and when I must, it ah...doesn't last very long. Very "efficient" digestion.
 
M

MamaMax

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Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
89
Location
Inverness
Thank you so much you guys, your support means so much to me. I'm calmer now, but I ended up very distressed and on the phone to my poor mum, who reminded me that I've been like this before and got through it before.

I have been crying a lot and generally feeling sorry for myself. Im trying everything to distract me from how I am feeling but the only thing I seem to be able to do is play Minecraft or sit on my front door step. I feel so utterly useless and a lot of my anxiety revolves around my husband. I have abandonment and rejection issues (so I've been told) and these thoughts really dominate when I am like this. That my mum will get fed up of me, that she doesn't like me, that my husband will leave and I will end up on my own. I feel like I am a burden.

Oh man, I really hope I'm doing the right thing upping this dose. I am so scared I will go through this next week or two like this and then find out it hasn't worked. I don't want to put my family through this.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Messages
1,935
Thank you so much you guys, your support means so much to me. I'm calmer now, but I ended up very distressed and on the phone to my poor mum, who reminded me that I've been like this before and got through it before.

I have been crying a lot and generally feeling sorry for myself. Im trying everything to distract me from how I am feeling but the only thing I seem to be able to do is play Minecraft or sit on my front door step. I feel so utterly useless and a lot of my anxiety revolves around my husband. I have abandonment and rejection issues (so I've been told) and these thoughts really dominate when I am like this. That my mum will get fed up of me, that she doesn't like me, that my husband will leave and I will end up on my own. I feel like I am a burden.

Oh man, I really hope I'm doing the right thing upping this dose. I am so scared I will go through this next week or two like this and then find out it hasn't worked. I don't want to put my family through this.
Your family love you unconditionally, and they understand, as they've been there themselves too.
 
M

MamaMax

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Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
89
Location
Inverness
Sorry guys, I'm no use at all today. I calmed down for a bit but now it's back and I'm really struggling. I called 111 but they said to call pharmacist. I called pharmacist and he said it was not likely to be the increase causing this, that tablets are not the solution and I should have therapy. Easier said than done, I can't afford private and the waiting lists for any other are full and closed.

I just cannot settle, keep getting dizzy, things look strange and literally a hot crawling sensation in my skin. It's only day 1 of the increase, I can't see how I can possibly keep doing this. I was living for my evenings but looks like they are gone now too.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Oh no. I don't know what to suggest, seeing as I'm pretty much hopeless in terms of my anxiety myself. And I don't have any obligations really! I sleep most of the day when I can. That tends to keep a lot of potential side effects from meds to a minimum, as I'm simply not awake to notice them!

That's not good advice though. I DO find that when I first start a new med, I NEED to eat something. I never eat in the day due to chronic lack of appetite from long term anxiety, but I can't do that if I'm up during the day and taking a new med. If I don't eat (even just a small thing, or a flavoured milk drink or something), I'll feel so weird. Floaty, light headed, faint, just...not good. Eating fixes it a lot.

I keep waiting for someone (your GP) to offer you a benzo, to tide you over. They often do that. Maybe I've already mentioned this. My brain is dumb.

That 111 operator you called sucked, by the way.
 
ShySparrow

ShySparrow

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Joined
Jun 4, 2018
Messages
91
Sorry guys, I'm no use at all today. I calmed down for a bit but now it's back and I'm really struggling. I called 111 but they said to call pharmacist. I called pharmacist and he said it was not likely to be the increase causing this, that tablets are not the solution and I should have therapy. Easier said than done, I can't afford private and the waiting lists for any other are full and closed.

I just cannot settle, keep getting dizzy, things look strange and literally a hot crawling sensation in my skin. It's only day 1 of the increase, I can't see how I can possibly keep doing this. I was living for my evenings but looks like they are gone now too.
It must be horrible for you when you're in that agitated state. I know it is for me when I'm like that. It's absolutely terrifying.

I agree with Stevie, I think you should ask for some diazepam (or something similar) or maybe some beta blockers. Just for a short period to give you some help. I don't think it is the increase making you feel like this, so please don't give up!

I hope you're a bit more settled now and tomorrow is a better day for you.

Sparrow
 
M

MamaMax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
89
Location
Inverness
It must be horrible for you when you're in that agitated state. I know it is for me when I'm like that. It's absolutely terrifying.

I agree with Stevie, I think you should ask for some diazepam (or something similar) or maybe some beta blockers. Just for a short period to give you some help. I don't think it is the increase making you feel like this, so please don't give up!

I hope you're a bit more settled now and tomorrow is a better day for you.

Sparrow
Thanks Sparrow, I'm a bit better. I found my old thread on another forum from when I had my very first episode and I can see I was on lorazepam back then, however it is spelled. The problem is that my anxiety is really bad about medications, I still haven't put in a prescription for something else unrelated I was given months ago. I don't know how I'm going to take the dose again tonight in all honesty.

I hope you are doing better? Managing to keep food down? Did you increase your own meds?
 
M

MamaMax

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 10, 2021
Messages
89
Location
Inverness
Oh no. I don't know what to suggest, seeing as I'm pretty much hopeless in terms of my anxiety myself. And I don't have any obligations really! I sleep most of the day when I can. That tends to keep a lot of potential side effects from meds to a minimum, as I'm simply not awake to notice them!

That's not good advice though. I DO find that when I first start a new med, I NEED to eat something. I never eat in the day due to chronic lack of appetite from long term anxiety, but I can't do that if I'm up during the day and taking a new med. If I don't eat (even just a small thing, or a flavoured milk drink or something), I'll feel so weird. Floaty, light headed, faint, just...not good. Eating fixes it a lot.

I keep waiting for someone (your GP) to offer you a benzo, to tide you over. They often do that. Maybe I've already mentioned this. My brain is dumb.

That 111 operator you called sucked, by the way.
At the start of this episode the GP did offer me anxiety medication but I wouldn't take it because I'm too anxious about taking anything that makes me feel sedated. Why I don't know, I had a traumatic experience with a general anesthetic when I was a child and ever since I've a fear of anything which sedates. I'm my own worst enemy.
 
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