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Relapse, need advice/reassurance.

B

Bystander

New member
Joined
Sep 26, 2018
Messages
1
Hi guys, this is my first ever post in here and I know this is going to be doing me no favours looking for reassurance, but any advice that can be given would help greatly.

Since I was about 16/17, I had symptoms of pure O OCD, I however did not learn this was a thing until I was at least 18. The thoughts were/are sexual in nature, and I'd be having constant conversations in my head about how they're disgusting, "not me", irrational and life ruining. I ended up googling how I felt after years of hell and was so shocked to find that pure O was actually a thing and I wasn't abnormal. As well as OCD, I believe I have been suffering from BDD. I've been obsessed with my hair since it's onset. Obsessed that's either falling out, or I have imaginary bald patches and am thinning. I was anxious to ever wear my hair down out of fear someone would notice what I saw, I never spoke to my friends about it, I did speak to my family. However they they thought I was crazy. Things like this tend to run in the family, but anyway I digress. I suffered with this silently until a couple of months ago, when I went to talk to a doctor about my hair, he looked over it all and thought I was crazy as I have long, thick hair with no thin patches at all. I then told my doctor about the thoughts I was having, and he agreed with me that it was OCD. He prescribed me Zoloft/sertraline and I took this for a month, with great effect. The thoughts subsided and I felt much better about myself. However, I have recently gone away from home and I won't be returning for a couple months. I forgot to pick up my prescription, that was about two weeks ago. I have not taken any medication since those two weeks and now I believe the symptoms are coming back. Sexual intrusive thoughts are starting to return and hair obsessions are making a comeback. Ironically, after stopping my meds and these Thoughts coming back it has made me doubt whether this is actually OCD/BDD/Anxiety despite all logical signs pointing to it. Does anyone here relate to this post? I feel like everytime I see someone online asking if they have OCD it's a dead ringer for this disgusting disorder. I'm sick of thinking these thoughts and want to get on with my life, I know what I am experiencing is all in my head but I just can't seem to internalise the logic, it's like my brain won't accept it. I just need help, the thoughts don't really cause me much anxiety anymore but there is always that feeling in the back of my mind that they are actually true and that my life is gonna spiral out of control. Would CBT be able to help? Or have I reached the peak mental relief I could achieve? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
A

AbandonD4Purpose

Member
Joined
Jul 13, 2018
Messages
9
Thanks for your honesty in sharing. I struggle with destructive thoughts and anxiety as well. I thought I was going nuts. However through Christian counseling and mentoring and the help of some medication I've been healing. I want you to know that you can find healing. And you aren't alone or abnormal. We all have issues and there are great resources to help us through it. I can share reading material and resources if you'd like. Let me know. Blessings my friend.
 
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