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Relapse and Shame

A

aero89

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 18, 2020
Messages
127
Location
england
I only seem to come here when I'm struggling just to vent and complain.for my own needs and don't help others.

I had a friend visit. I feel a lot of shame and frustration about going back to old patterns during his visit. Right now ny mood is low and anxiety high. I drank alcohol, I feel that I crossed his boundaries. I was nasty about sensitive information which he shared i went back to negative patterns of interacting. I pushed conversations he didn't want to talk about and controlled/ criticised/manipulated. He is struggling with depression too. I invited him to stay but that don't think I could cope. I have this desire to surround myself with others unhappiness to feel better about my self.

I have been neglecting myself again and choosing to withdraw to my bed.

I know what I need to do again (exercise, eat properly, get outside) but right now I'm stuck in victim and self punishment.

Im having therapy but I just constantly self sabotage. I make 1 step forward and 3 back. Hate all these childish patterns.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
7,733
Location
Nashua NH
I’m sorry you seem to be on a backward slide at least you have insight into it. Is there anyone you can turn to to help you hold account for these things or is it just yourself?
 
A

aero89

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 18, 2020
Messages
127
Location
england
Hi @JessisMe

I think I'm the only one who can really do the work to change anything. There's only so much a therapist can do. She is trying but I don't feel that I am right now. Even though I go through the motions of doing the tasks which we agree. The key is properly doing these tasks and self care. I've given up with these the last week or two

I'm in a f* it place as I don't believe anything will change. Self fulfilling prophecy.

Im dancing around your question
 

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