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rejection amd self harm

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Mime

New member
Joined
Nov 5, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Uk
Hello !

I wondered if anyone else has a similar experience as me with self harm and rejection in a relationship ?

My partner/fiance ends our relationship nearly every time we fall out. He says he can't deal with me anymore and then physically walks away and refuses to speak to me, or he leaves the house and doesn't come back for a day or more.

Up till this point, when we aren't agreeing about something, I'm generally quite softly spoken and subdued even. Because he's quick to upset and anger, which I want to avoid.

But when he rejects me by walking out and / or ending the relationship, I loose all control - I beg and plead for him not to leave (or to come back via text if he's already gone).

When he ignores me still, which is usual - I get crazy / suicidal (extremely) and then I self harm. Mainly to stop myself from acting on the suicidal impulses because the urge to die is very strong and, it frightens me and I feel unsafe.

The trigger for the suicidal urges and self injury is always my partners rejection of me. Either through his ending the relationship / walking out, or by his talking over me and not letting me speak / telling me to shut up etc.

Is anyone else dealing with this ? I'm a middle aged adult female, I have a responsible job, but this situation makes me feel crazy - I'm not sure what to do and I feel scared and alone

Mime
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
33,769
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
hi welcome I wondered if you had ever tried CBT which might help control this kind of behaviour?
to be honest I might do the same if I was in your position as I just cant handle any kind of rejection
is your boyfriend aware of your self harming when he leaves?

maybe also some kind of couples counselling could help you both understand why he leaves and you feel the need to self harm when he does?
you are very welcome here
love Lu xxx
 
S

Sarabi_Gyarados

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 20, 2019
Messages
226
Location
UK
Your partner sounds emotionally abusive which exacerbates your response.
 
M

monsterjoe

New member
Joined
Nov 5, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Indonesia
Hi Mime,
I feel the same and have been through the exact same situation as yours with my husband.
My husband has done some research about BPD and understands my behaviour. But when in the middle of an argument with me, it does get him upset and frustrated really quickly. He tries so hard not to leave or asking for a break up to avoid me being suicidal or doing self harm. But it's difficult and I tries to understand him as well.
Eventhough I'm not under any medication, I tries to avoid any drama/arguments/fights with my husband because I realize that it could escalate really fast and frustates my husband really quickly.
I even lost my job for trying to maintain my relationship with my husband because I always failed in relationships in the past. I was divorced once and always gets cheated on. I want my current relationship to work and last forever, that's why I work so hard to maintain this relationship even if I have to leave my job. I often fails in avoiding drama/arguments, ends up fighting with my husband, and in my frustration I do self harm and it frustates my husband even more.
Have you talked to him about your BPD? Because being in a relationship with someone with BPD is difficult. The partner should be aware and understand when the BPD is taking over.
 
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Necroticah

Member
Joined
Aug 31, 2011
Messages
19
Hi there Firstly I want to say that I am so sorry you have a partner that walks out on you. This would drive me insane. Does not sound like he is very supportive. :(
As for BPD and rejection I can agree with you on this so strongly, my partner / favorite person That idolize Is not nearly as mean or ugly to me. He is super supportive of me. But If I get into the slightest argument with him or feel slightest rejection from him, I spiral out of control.
Him fighting with me is like the worst thing in the world with me, I just want to die when it happens. I can not handle it. I feel overwhelmed, and normally self harm in situations like that. And It is hard after a self harm insedent it defnatly shakes our relationship a bit It sucks that my Favorite person is normally the reason I self harm. cant believe he sticks around, poor guy walks on eggshells sometimes.
 
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