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Rejected by a bartender! Worst feeling of my life

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nickyj19

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Aug 5, 2021
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Hi, im 26. I moved to a new area 6 months ago and i have nothing. No friends. I go to a very cool local poppin bar here. Probably 2-3 times per month. Sometimes i go with my dad, sometimes with my brother, sometimes with my cousin. And yes sometimes i sadlgo alone.

The bartender here is 26 also and she is so cool. Shes gorgeous, short with brown hair & blue eyes. At first i thought she was nice to me for tips$. But the last month or so she has been very flirty and touchy with me. My dad suggested i try and get her number next time. My cousin said not to cause if she rejects me, itll never be the same. I came across her instagram and she has “single” on her headline.

I decided to try. 3 nights ago i was there, sure i got drunk, but so was everyone else there. After i paid i asked if i can get her number. She said “noo im not giving you my number, i have a boyfriend” in the most shocking/upset/creeped out tone i ever heard from her. She walked away quickly. I was more upset that she lied about a boyfriend cause i know shes single. And the harsh way she rejected me. But i was pretty upset cause i thought she was interested all this time. And a regular customer next to me who heard it all (who was always cool with me) said “dude, just go home man”.

i never felt like such a piece of trash in my life. Absolute loser/worthless person. 3 days later and i still feel absolutely horrible about it. I cant get out of bed, i cant workout. I feel so depressed about how it went down. Im depressed she lied to avoid giving her number, im depressed cause she just walked the hell away from me, im depressed cause a bar buddy embarrassingly told me to just “go home”. Not only that, but now i probably shouldnt go to that bar anymore. I ruined it all. We had some great fun times at this bar and itll never be the same. There is no better bar to hangout in the are.

Anybody any advice or input would be nice
 
Bod

Bod

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Hey Nicky19 I know rejection is bloody hard going but it sounds like you were lucky as she says she's single on the internet but then says she has a boyfriend is wrong. Please don't feel bad about it as some people in this world play games and it hurts us to hell and back, so try and move on and you will meet someone one day.
 
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nickyj19

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Hey Nicky19 I know rejection is bloody hard going but it sounds like you were lucky as she says she's single on the internet but then says she has a boyfriend is wrong. Please don't feel bad about it as some people in this world play games and it hurts us to hell and back, so try and move on and you will meet someone one day.
Sure the rejection is hard but this was another level. Her tone was harsh. Then the customer next to me said “just go home man” to top it all off.

Thats not a normal rejection. That was cruel. I dont think i deserved that.
 
Bod

Bod

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No you did not deserve to be treated like that I agree, but maybe time to move on from it and be a better person than them. It will be hard but it can be done.
 
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nickyj19

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No you did not deserve to be treated like that I agree, but maybe time to move on from it and be a better person than them. It will be hard but it can be done.

Think its best to never go there again? Although there are no alternative bar options in the area!
Its the only spot i have to socialize/possibly meet friends or women. But after what happened, maybe smarter to avoid that bar?
 
Bod

Bod

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That might sound a good idea to leave it for good or even a while, then have a think on it.
 
milliewillie

milliewillie

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Hi, im 26. I moved to a new area 6 months ago and i have nothing. No friends. I go to a very cool local poppin bar here. Probably 2-3 times per month. Sometimes i go with my dad, sometimes with my brother, sometimes with my cousin. And yes sometimes i sadlgo alone.

The bartender here is 26 also and she is so cool. Shes gorgeous, short with brown hair & blue eyes. At first i thought she was nice to me for tips$. But the last month or so she has been very flirty and touchy with me. My dad suggested i try and get her number next time. My cousin said not to cause if she rejects me, itll never be the same. I came across her instagram and she has “single” on her headline.

I decided to try. 3 nights ago i was there, sure i got drunk, but so was everyone else there. After i paid i asked if i can get her number. She said “noo im not giving you my number, i have a boyfriend” in the most shocking/upset/creeped out tone i ever heard from her. She walked away quickly. I was more upset that she lied about a boyfriend cause i know shes single. And the harsh way she rejected me. But i was pretty upset cause i thought she was interested all this time. And a regular customer next to me who heard it all (who was always cool with me) said “dude, just go home man”.

i never felt like such a piece of trash in my life. Absolute loser/worthless person. 3 days later and i still feel absolutely horrible about it. I cant get out of bed, i cant workout. I feel so depressed about how it went down. Im depressed she lied to avoid giving her number, im depressed cause she just walked the hell away from me, im depressed cause a bar buddy embarrassingly told me to just “go home”. Not only that, but now i probably shouldnt go to that bar anymore. I ruined it all. We had some great fun times at this bar and itll never be the same. There is no better bar to hangout in the are.

Anybody any advice or input would be nice
I'm just going to give some perspective to how she may have felt, as a lady. I'm definitely not saying she handled it well at all, it sounds like that was really hard.

Just consider that you're making moves on her while she's working and while you're drunk. I absolutely can't speak for every woman or every man, but in my experience, rejecting men, especially when they're inebriated can be really really scary. Humans are unpredictable and most of the women I know as well as myself have plenty of stories where we turn a guy down and he reacts in a way that's verbally abusive or straight up violent. Again, I'm not saying she was in the right or that I agree with how she handled it, I just think its something to consider, yknow?

Nobody really knows other peoples stories or their feelings unless they tell us, so I'd say try not to let it weigh on you too much. Rejection happens and it sucks, but I promise you'll find someone one day.
 
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dansell123

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Hey, it took serious courage to do what you did. You put yourself out there with the possibility of being rejected. Yeah it didn't work out, but life is about taking risks! You'll move past this episode, just keep going and drop the incident from your mind.
 
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Keesha

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I'm just going to give some perspective to how she may have felt, as a lady. I'm definitely not saying she handled it well at all, it sounds like that was really hard.

Just consider that you're making moves on her while she's working and while you're drunk. I absolutely can't speak for every woman or every man, but in my experience, rejecting men, especially when they're inebriated can be really really scary. Humans are unpredictable and most of the women I know as well as myself have plenty of stories where we turn a guy down and he reacts in a way that's verbally abusive or straight up violent. Again, I'm not saying she was in the right or that I agree with how she handled it, I just think its something to consider, yknow?

Nobody really knows other peoples stories or their feelings unless they tell us, so I'd say try not to let it weigh on you too much. Rejection happens and it sucks, but I promise you'll find someone one day.
Exactly. This is her place of work. You are going there to enjoy yourself like other customers. She is going there as an employee at a job.

Do you realize how unprofessional it would be for her to accept a date from one of her customers who is clearly drunk? Even if you weren’t drunk, it’s not the least bit appropriate for either one of you. It’s a business. Period.

Do you realize how many people probably hit on her? Can you suggest a better way she could have handled it?

And do you really think that was appropriate now that you are straight?
If you are that is?

I don’t want to be too harsh on you but you need a bit of a reality check. Woman have to protect themselves, especially in certain jobs and dealing with advances from drunken men is unfortunately one of them.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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I wonder how many happy couples met at a bar. My guess is plenty.
 
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nickyj19

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I simply asked for her number.. after months of flirty behavior and signals from her end. I dont know any man on the planet who wouldnt at least ask for her number after getting clear interest and attention. I do feel bad about it, for sure, it sucks. I felt horrible walking out. But to be honest i cant blame myself for trying.
 
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flabbergasted

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I know quite a few people who show themselves as "single" online but do in fact have a partner. I don't think it's right - but it is out there like that sometimes. If she was touching and sitting on your lap, I definitely think she led you on and can understand you asking for her number from the way she acted toward you. Could be that you should just feel sorry for her boyfriend and definitely try and forget about it. And it could be that the guy who said "dude just go home" might have actually just meant - go home, cause she ain't worth it....if he's a regular there, then he's probably seen how she acts and has seen her with the touching and sitting in your lap. Your lap may not be the only one that's been sat in...go easier on yourself. Since you are going with family to this place, go back if you want - but try and not get "too full" and just play it cool with her - let her do her job and ignore the rest of it. Or actually you could apologize and tell her that you didn't realize she had a boyfriend at the time she was sitting in your lap and would have never asked her out had you known of the boyfriend. Then enjoy the night..
 
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nickyj19

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I know quite a few people who show themselves as "single" online but do in fact have a partner. I don't think it's right - but it is out there like that sometimes. If she was touching and sitting on your lap, I definitely think she led you on and can understand you asking for her number from the way she acted toward you. Could be that you should just feel sorry for her boyfriend and definitely try and forget about it. And it could be that the guy who said "dude just go home" might have actually just meant - go home, cause she ain't worth it....if he's a regular there, then he's probably seen how she acts and has seen her with the touching and sitting in your lap. Your lap may not be the only one that's been sat in...go easier on yourself. Since you are going with family to this place, go back if you want - but try and not get "too full" and just play it cool with her - let her do her job and ignore the rest of it. Or actually you could apologize and tell her that you didn't realize she had a boyfriend at the time she was sitting in your lap and would have never asked her out had you known of the boyfriend. Then enjoy the night..
Thanks for your comment.
Actually, he said “just go home”. Cause i dont think he liked that I asked for her number. Hes been a regular for years. He knows the owners, etc.

i just didnt know he was there listening in. If i knew, i honestly wouldnt have done this. The “just go home” comment was the kick in the guts while i was already down.
 
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flabbergasted

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Would he be okay then, with her touching and sitting in your lap?? Doesn't make sense that he'd think that was okay (as a regular for years and knowing the owners) - but take offense to you simply asking for her phone number.. I think if you and your family decide to go back, eventually you'll get a clearer picture of it all - in meanwhile, quit beating yourself up over this. You didn't commit a crime. There will be another cute one to cross your path and she'll give you that phone number so fast it will make your head spin!
 

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