Regretting my life choices today...

GoghTardis

GoghTardis

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I've been with the same guy for 9 years, married for six. We have two kids, two cats and a dog. Financially things are not quite working but our life looks like something other people strive for.

Every time I walk the dog I start to think of a better life. When I sleep I dream about people from the past. I wake up or come home regretting the life I chose.

I want to travel, be out in nature more, make more art. I want something else right now. And based on what I have, it doesn't make sense.
 
cpuusage

cpuusage

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The future is not the past, & we don't know what we'll create, or how our lives will be at a later time. We do have free will & choices. I suppose that when children are involved, rightly the primary responsibility is really to them, their needs & welfare.

I find it helps to try & accept things as they are, & allow things to be. Allowance of everything as it is. From there we can look at what we can change, but things change anyway, our perspectives & understandings change, things happen. We can change certain things, but often I feel 'we' get very frustrated at wanting certain things to be different, that we'd be better to just accept. When we can genuinely let go of & accept things for what they are; then that in itself can lead to change.

& how much is it true that all we can only really change is ourselves?
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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some of the things you say you want to do ,you can still do?
being out in nature doesnt cost money
xx
is there a way you could afford to pay for an art class or buy some art materials?
and travelling one day when your children are older could you not trravel?
i dont think you should feel guilty it might not be more you want but it might be you want different than to what you have now
or more like you want what you have now and all of those other things?
most people want things and a life they dont have but all of what you say you would like sounds fairly attainable to have one day
xx
its not like you want to walk on the moon or be a brain surgeon
xxx
 
D

deadflowers

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Hi

Sounds like the dreaded 7 year itch creeping up on you. Life is a bit of a drudge sometimes and especially with kids as you're the stability provider. But this doesn't mean that you would be better off running away to a new life. Think about if you do and your wife then finds a new man to take your place-that's your family gone. Have you spoken to your wife? maybe she feels a bit the same and some couples counselling and injecting a little fun back into the relationship might just do the trick. Make a list of things you'd both like to do and work towards it or maybe brake with the routine and you and the kids do some stuff out of the ordinary. I hate normality and I love being silly and not doing what I supposed to-fun and laughter is the key to feeling more forfilled in my book

I hope this helps xxxxx
 
GoghTardis

GoghTardis

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Hi

Sounds like the dreaded 7 year itch creeping up on you. Life is a bit of a drudge sometimes and especially with kids as you're the stability provider. But this doesn't mean that you would be better off running away to a new life. Think about if you do and your wife then finds a new man to take your place-that's your family gone. Have you spoken to your wife? maybe she feels a bit the same and some couples counselling and injecting a little fun back into the relationship might just do the trick. Make a list of things you'd both like to do and work towards it or maybe brake with the routine and you and the kids do some stuff out of the ordinary. I hate normality and I love being silly and not doing what I supposed to-fun and laughter is the key to feeling more forfilled in my book

I hope this helps xxxxx
It helps but I am the wife. :)

And Lucretia I have the supplies and space to make art, just not the time or drive to.

I think what I am saying is I want to be alone, to travel alone just be free. I think I just need to get away for awhile....
 
F

fallen

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Hey Gogh,

The other posters have given good advice there.

I just wanted to add that I've been where you are so understand the feeling. In my case this feeling got a lot worse before it got better, a bad bout of depression, lots of rash decisions and the near end of my marriage to realise that what I had was very special-I had to do a lot of soul searching and self development (on self esteem, assertiveness etc) to get through and life is a lot better now. So, my advice would be along the lines of what others have said here and to not take the same route I did! lol

Take care. :hug:
 
D

deadflowers

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It helps but I am the wife. :)
Oh well in that case...bugger off leaving him with the kids and go somewhere on holiday and have an affair with a gorgeous waiter.

Sun, sand, sangera and sexy waiter is a cure for any 7 year itch:D

Sorry i'm just joking

xxxxxxxxx
 
GoghTardis

GoghTardis

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Oh well in that case...bugger off leaving him with the kids and go somewhere on holiday and have an affair with a gorgeous waiter.

Sun, sand, sangera and sexy waiter is a cure for any 7 year itch:D

Sorry i'm just joking

xxxxxxxxx
Perfect! ;)
 
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diddypinks

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heres a poem I wrote
its called carpe diem sometimes not

cape diem sometimes not!
you've got to be happy with what you've already got.

desire its just human nature we always want more.
 
E

Easy Rider

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If it helps any - I'm free ,single, have zero responsibilities and as you know live in China so get to do lots of traveling.

To be honest it gets old after a while and I'd love to have what you have, a partner to come home to every night and to and share my life with, doing things like watching movies together with someone rather than alone, I really would.

One of my best friends in America just got married and is moving into a really nice house etc and is realy happy and excited and I really envy that.

Free floating is something to be honest I've needed to do to work my crap out, there has been no point where i could have sustained a relationship well - but it can be lonely also, having total freedom.

So anyhow, I think instead of going to extremes, why not ask hubby to look after the kids one day and go to the mountain or river, whatever's nearby and visit a gallery or something, have a day of 'treating GothTardis.'

Sure that would help.

All the best.
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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This is a common feeling, especially for us BP bods. I have 4 longish relationships behind me and the BP has led me to believe there is better for me out there. This was pre diagnosis so I know much better now as a lasting, loving relationship is the life goal I have now.

You life may be better elsewhere. It may not and these are a fact. But what is important is you understand what YOU want from life and make that happen either with what you have or something new. I find, personally that hypersexuality when I am manic doesn't help much either and has led me places I should not have gone. But I know better now and I have so much love to give the right woman. Forever this time.

Good luck and remember that you only live once. If you do it right, once is enough x
 
julietoolie

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I didnt know about the sex thing x only been diagnosed two months i just thought i liked sex more lol x
 
Davey Blueeyes

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Hypersexuality is very common symptom of mania and one that I 'suffer' (seems like wrong word) along with paranoia, spending and making very big plans

It has also got worse as I have got older and can lead to risk taking (in my case) that isn't always helpful. If you can keep it within your relationship, great but many of us have been unfaithful because of it
 
julietoolie

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Not in a relationship now but was not being unfaithful that did that and not sure it was my illness either jusr a bad judge of men lol xbut maybe jumped in too quick into some because of sex and thought it was love x
 
GoghTardis

GoghTardis

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Hypersexuality is very common symptom of mania and one that I 'suffer' (seems like wrong word) along with paranoia, spending and making very big plans

It has also got worse as I have got older and can lead to risk taking (in my case) that isn't always helpful. If you can keep it within your relationship, great but many of us have been unfaithful because of it
Cheated on a fiancé because of it. Years back, I told him I felt out of body, it wasn't me etc. but I did not have a Bipolar diagnosis back then. I don't think it would have helped.

Today I'm down and depressed, yesterday I could not get the idea of another guy out of my head I am very back and fourth adjusting to the meds. Somehow I have not cheated on my husband, I keep all of the bad thoughts in my head. Occasionally it is overwhelming. Which is when I feel like I want a whole new life. It's horrible...
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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Not in a relationship now but was not being unfaithful that did that and not sure it was my illness either jusr a bad judge of men lol xbut maybe jumped in too quick into some because of sex and thought it was love x
Hi Julie,
This illness can make you a bad judge but we live and try to learn. Hypersexuality is very common tho so I wouldn't feel bad about it :hug5:

What is love, anyway? Sometimes being close to someone is enough. It would be enough for me right now and I'm not talking about sex :low:
 
Davey Blueeyes

Davey Blueeyes

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Cheated on a fiancé because of it. Years back, I told him I felt out of body, it wasn't me etc. but I did not have a Bipolar diagnosis back then. I don't think it would have helped.

Today I'm down and depressed, yesterday I could not get the idea of another guy out of my head I am very back and fourth adjusting to the meds. Somehow I have not cheated on my husband, I keep all of the bad thoughts in my head. Occasionally it is overwhelming. Which is when I feel like I want a whole new life. It's horrible...
It's OK sweetie. You are just balancing yourself. You will become obsessed by people you shouldn't, you will fall in and out of love and lust and that's just the game hunny. As you are taken I can't offer more than a cuddle but cuddles are the best! (((((goghtardis))))) xxxxx
 
GoghTardis

GoghTardis

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It's OK sweetie. You are just balancing yourself. You will become obsessed by people you shouldn't, you will fall in and out of love and lust and that's just the game hunny. As you are taken I can't offer more than a cuddle but cuddles are the best! (((((goghtardis))))) xxxxx
That is exactly it! I feel obsessed! I have done this before off meds. I'm glad I never told those crushes about it... Ad feeling his way makes me think I need a different life. I guess that's why I am depressed today.

Thanks for the cuddle!
 
julietoolie

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Now i am confused so none of my life has been actually my personality has been my illness when i told my friends i said hope these pills dnt stop my nice crazy they replied no julie that is definately just you x oh golly
 
GoghTardis

GoghTardis

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Now i am confused so none of my life has been actually my personality has been my illness when i told my friends i said hope these pills dnt stop my nice crazy they replied no julie that is definately just you x oh golly
I am right there with you, I like my hypomanias but I would like to lose the racing thoughts and maybe that will include thoughts about other men, if not I have survived long enough with them only being obsessive thoughts to assume I won't actually screw up. I haven't been this sick in 7 years though.
 
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