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Recurring dreams about old classmates

voidisronery

voidisronery

New member
Joined
Jan 20, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Russia
Hello and sorry in advance if this is a bit irrelevant.

As background info, I moved countries when I was 10. I was an active kid who participated in anything and weirded out everyone else (small town, 2 schools, no one is used to things that are "different"). My mother died when I was 11, leaving me to live with my older brother.
I was ruthlessly bullied until at 14, I discovered that skipping school wasn't nearly as bad as being in school. At which point I proceeded to skip 2 years of it.
As everyone outgrew the middle school bullying, I grew into an inadequate human being who didn't know how and why to talk to people. I'm still battling that now.
I still went to school occasionally, and would essentially say nothing. Many people would try to get along with me. There were 4 girls in particular who have always been intelligent and friendly, as well as to me. They would usually try to convince me to say hi when I see them outside of school. I had no idea how to deal with any of that. That actually led me to saying hi to a male classmate, who ignored me quite demonstratively. Fun fact, I still sometimes spend a long time planning a phrase I would say to someone, even if it's just "Hello", or wondering if I should say it at all.
I then lost my brother to suicide when I was 17 and about to be forced into uni, where I treated everyone aggressively during the 1st year because I thought everyone was against me again.

So recently, more than before, I've been dreaming about being at school with the old classmates. Also, I'm on quetiapine, which gives me super vivid dreams.
Well, now that I've learned to fake openness and being adequate, my mind seems to be stuck on those school interactions. I would usually dream that I'm my 26-y.o. self just going to school normally, as if it's a routine. After a brief google research, I figured most people dream about walking in circles looking for the classroom, or failing a class. That's not the case with me.
I would dream about simply interacting with my old classmates, as I would now. Our first school was in horrible condition. I think we moved to a new building in 9th grade. My dreams take place in the old building. I feel like my brain never moved on from when I was 16, which involves my social inadequacy. So it puts me in those situations when I sleep to give me a chance to prove to my classmates that I'm not someone who can be bullied, and that I can react to their words and actions adequately.
As I have no friends to discuss this with, I was hoping to see if someone could offer some insight.

Thank you for reading in either case =)
 
AnxiousE

AnxiousE

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 8, 2020
Messages
504
Location
USA
Hello!
Oddly, I've been having similar dreams, although not exactly. But similar in that it has to do with past rejections and I feel like I'm living it now and getting positive results rather than what actually happened. I'm super curious why I'm doing this and what it means. Hopefully others will be able to provide more insight. Thanks for sharing!
 
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