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Recurring Dream

valleygirl

valleygirl

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I've been remembering a lot of things lately--things that I pushed into the background, things I didn't want to remember. One of these things is a dream I've had about 5 times. In my dream, it is my wedding day, and I am standing at the back of the church, about to walk down the aisle. And as I am standing there, I am flooded with fear. I feel I am walking into something from which I cannot escape. And it's not so much the fear of a lifetime commitment--what I fear is the wedding night, losing my virginity, not being in control of what is happening to my body, being overpowered physically and sexually and having no choice about what is happening to me. But it's too late. I can't back down now. Everyone is there at my wedding and they are all happy for me. I can't disappoint them. I have to walk down the isle. I am filled with a dreadful resignation, and that is where the dream ends. I didn't feel anything yesterday when I told my therapist about that dream but now I'm feeling it like I just dreamed it again last night.
 
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Caro5

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Something there about not wanting to let people down and feeling you 'should' be happy. I can identify with that!
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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It's not just about feeling like I should be happy. For me, the most disturbing part of the dream is feeling resignation about not having any control about what happens to my body and how my body reacts to sexual touching. It's this fear of being physically trapped and not being able to escape.
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

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I think were all the best analysts of our own dreams. From your second post i think you've hit the nail on the head with what your dream is telling you. The fear of being trapped and loss of control. Feeling we have no control over something or everything in our lives can be really uncomfortable/painful. Or perhaps its more the fear of giving up control? Things happening around you or to you and not doing anything to stop it even though you physically able your mentally restricted?
- just throwing out some idea's

Sorry you keep having the dream though, reoccuring dreams are really anoying and distressing, i hope you get to the bottom of understanding it though and then hopefully it will go away.

Xx
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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I think in the dream, and in my life, there is a huge fear of being sexually violated. But I've never been raped or experienced any kind of sexual violence. The only thing that comes close is being abused by a babysitter who wouldn't stop tickling me. She had me pinned down on my bed and I was crying and begging her to stop. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like I was being suffocated. She did the same thing to my sisters. We told our parents what had happened, but they still asked her to come back and babysit the next week, and she did the same thing.
 
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