- Apr 5, 2015
- Valley of dry bones
I've been remembering a lot of things lately--things that I pushed into the background, things I didn't want to remember. One of these things is a dream I've had about 5 times. In my dream, it is my wedding day, and I am standing at the back of the church, about to walk down the aisle. And as I am standing there, I am flooded with fear. I feel I am walking into something from which I cannot escape. And it's not so much the fear of a lifetime commitment--what I fear is the wedding night, losing my virginity, not being in control of what is happening to my body, being overpowered physically and sexually and having no choice about what is happening to me. But it's too late. I can't back down now. Everyone is there at my wedding and they are all happy for me. I can't disappoint them. I have to walk down the isle. I am filled with a dreadful resignation, and that is where the dream ends. I didn't feel anything yesterday when I told my therapist about that dream but now I'm feeling it like I just dreamed it again last night.