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Recovery from attempted suicide

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Christobel

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I have been living with the memory of this for so many years and there does not seem to be any way of dealing with it and putting it away to rest. I expect there are other people on this forum who have gone through similar trauma. Now I have started this post I am afraid to go on, As I don't want to upset anyone.
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

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Christobel, lots of us understand, if you want to talk please do.

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M

Mastiff mom

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Welcome Christobel---I can certainly relate to you. I have attempts in my past, too. There are times I can't believe what I did. Working through it with a good therapist can help. I hope you can share here without fear. Many will relate to you and are very supportive. Hugs.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Christobel, i'm really sorry to hear about your experience.:hug:
You are absolutely right though in that there are lots of people here who understand.

To be honest, I think attempting suicide in itself is a huge trauma that needs a lot of work to move forward from (I am reluctant to use the term "get over", because I personally don't think it's something you can get over).

The "after-care" when someone has made an attempt is non-existent, and I find that really disgusting.
In my experience, even mental health professionals won't address or be willing to have an open, honest discussion about someone's experience when they've attempted to take their own life.
The fact that people are left to go back home and carry on their life as normal is really fucked up. :(

Not to mention how members of staff treat you whilst you're actually getting treatment as a result of attempting suicide..
I'm really traumatised at how I was treated by members of the crisis team when collapsing on the floor in a hospital corridor. I can remember them laughing and asking if they should get me a bed. Horrible bastards.


Sorry for hijacking your thread. :redface:
It's a huge trauma though and I can understand that we need to talk about these things.
 
C

Christobel

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That sounds awful Somerset. I found no support in the aftermath even though the attempt happened in hospital too. It was due to a bad visit with my husband after seeing the consultant. After three weeks I was allowed home on leave and made another abortive attempt. No-one actually mentions it - not even your psychiatrist. It is like the proverbial 'elephant in the room'.
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

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Yes my experiences have also been bad - consultants shouting at me, nurses screaming. There was one particularly caring nurse though, I thought they should all be like her.

The crisis team in my experience are also awful - what is their excuse and why are they in such a job?

You should talk about your experience with the psych and your workers and make them listen.

It is nothing to be ashamed of, it is where you were at at the time and that's just traumatic in itself.

Take good care
KS
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C

Christobel

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Yes, the aftercare is non existent. I went straight into a locked ward where there were uniformed 'guards' to take us along the corridors to OT and back again. I don't remember a nurse coming anywhere near me, let alone saying a kind word. In the previous ward I was allowed out to take my lovely walks down by the Grand Union canal and look at all the barges. I have never been able to discuss my attempts, not even with my husband. I have been to psychotherapy some time ago but couldn't stop myself putting on a 'happy' front, and they spent most of the time telling me how successful they were at helping people.
 
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Christobel

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The thing I remember most about that awful hospital stay was that my concentration was all shot to pieces. I suppose it could have been because I was quite heavily medicated. I remember wandering down the ward and picking up a Take a Break to read. I couldn't even manage that.

I read somewhere that some antipsychotics can cause suicidality and I wonder if that was the case with me? One thing though, when I moved to Bristol, although I was still very ill and regularly in hospital, I never again wanted to end it all.
 
U

utter madness

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Aww I've been there myself as many on the forum have it's a safe place for u to talk at least u will get listened andcunderstanding it doesn't seem to matter what part of the country we all live comes to the same conclusion the mh services and particularly the crisis team r pretty rubbish but don't be frightened to bring up your attempted suicide with ur therapist try make them listen I've also experienced being laughed at and mocked by nurses I had voices in which they replied I hadn't it was my own voice I pretty much cried after that but yet again I'm waiting for an appt as my illness has a grip again just ignore some them that work in the mh services they don't know what there talking about us on the forum will always be here for u good luck
 
R

randomguy2015

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Totally understand.

A few months back I lost control. All my anxiety and panic took over. Didnt really care what I was doing, just wanted to stop feeling the way I did.
As I lost consciousness I texted my then girlfriend as I passed out.


Woke up in a hospital bed with an IV. She was next to me looking at me witj disgust.

I reached out to grab her hand and she pulled away, got up and left.

That trauma still affects me sometimes too.

I totally understand your pain. I didnt sleep for weeks after that and no one wanted to talk about it.

My advice: forgive yourself. You are a survivor. To be honest after that experience so many things that used to scare me dont anymore.

For example.needles. I was terrified of IV. Blood test. Certain heights. None of that terrifies me anymore. I faced my near death experience and survived it.

I suppose it made me less afraid to live. If you can survive that, then what is there to be afraid of?

Death no longer scares me. I will die one day. Until then Id like to enjoy things without the fear of death, which I now can because of my experiece.

Hope this helps
 
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Christobel

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Dear randomguy - thank you for your post. It has given me food for thought. I am lucky in that after my attempt my husband came to see me and brought me in a portable TV (I was in a room on my own, on watch) but we didn't discuss what had happened. I don't know why, as to me it was a major statement.

Like you I have found it has altered my feelings towards dying and am no longer afraid, and feel calm about it. But life changes and things slowly get better. I have got my little grandchildren now. The psychiatrists used to mention them to try to get me out of my depression, and it never worked. Now they are a great joy to me.

Very many thanks.
 
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Christobel

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I believe I had a good reason for my first suicide attempt. I went in to see the psychiatrist with my husband and he said it was all to do with a chemical imbalance in the brain. When we came out of the consultation I kept asking my husband, who is a scientist, what it all meant. Finally he said if I didn't stop asking him questions he wouldn't come and see me any more. That is when I went back on the ward and pulled the plug.

The second attempt was not so forgivable and there is no real explanation, except that when I wanted to co home for a bank holiday they would've let me at first. I made the mistake of saying 'You can't stop me because I am a voluntary patient'. Of course they said they could section me. I was so naive, the only time I had heard of someone being sectioned were when they were found to be criminally insane. (I now know better, of course). They did let me go home - I couldn't help but see their look of pity at the absolute horror on my face. I will never know what made me go home and plan and execute another attempt, but I am so glad it didn't work. I think God must have been looking after me!

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest. I know it's only fellow sufferers who can really understand.
 
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cherbear

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Hugs I don't think you ever fully recover from it . I'm so sorry to hear that so many of you have had such terrible after care .
After my first attempt I had little sympathy and rude Doctors and the two therapists came to the conclusion I tried to take my life because wait for it .......I was bored ! Seriously utter ignorant pisch . After my recent second attempt completley different story the nurses , Doctors and in particular the two psychiatrists were amazing . It has still been a traumatic experience but lessend by the fact that there are those who cared . My other half and his Mum have been really supportive and been there for me . The people on this forum are terrific too so good to be able to talk about it openly .
 
SarahD

SarahD

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I don't understand why MH services are so useless at helping with regard to suicidal feelings or suicide attempts. If you make an attempt the treatment you get is often cruel when you are at your most vulnerable. Then you are told to talk about it if you feel suicidal, but the so-called mental health professionl, whoever it is, just ignores what you say, really ignores it s if you haven't said anything. Being allowed to talk about it could help avoid doing it. This forum is good because whenever people are suicidal other members try very hard to offer support.
 
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