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recovering <3

F

failedvibecheck

Active member
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
33
Location
USA
hi, long time no see hehe . i’m trying to recover now. i’ve relapsed 2 times since but i’m 6 days clean :) right now i’m trying to be happy about it, but most days i’m not. it’s hard. i still think about self-harming, don’t know how to get rid of that yet. a part of me is disappointed in myself for recovering. i don’t really see it as an achievement. it’s just...there. also, i know correlation isn’t causation but ever since i started recovery i feel like my depression is slowly getting worse. i officially got diagnosed with it btw. it’s affecting my academics a lot and i’m just overall not feeling that well. don’t have motivation to study or do anything besides lie in bed. i’ve talked to people about it. i don’t think any of it really helps. i’m just trying to get by, day by day.

also, 19th birthday is coming up. not looking forward to it. little eleven-year-old me vowed not to live past 19 so i’ve just been...thinking. i don’t know if i’ll do it :’)
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
4,434
Location
England
I have always thought i wouldn't reach the next birthday, next christmas, but somehow i keep getting to the next thing over and over. I like to think that there are reasons i may not get to the next thing, like covid, accidents, apocalypse ;) who knows what will happen. WW3, anything can happen which is why we need to stay in the now.

Can you get up and walk in the morning. I have breakfast and get out before i have time to think of all the reasons why i shouldn't. It sets the day up well. If i stay in bed, i never get anywhere. I think exercise and sunshine are essential for depression.
 
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