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Recognizing and dealing with 'Unhelpful thoughts'.

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Ratgirl

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May 31, 2018
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Wow no I did not... Thanks for the heads up...
 
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Samesheetdifferentday

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This is absolutely spot on, thank you for sharing all of that information!
 
PAULA120

PAULA120

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thanks for this article. post. My mother often has such negative assumption of this happening. Sometimes it's paranoia. I have to show it to her
 
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TinyWeeMouse

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Thanks for posting this. I feel like this could have been written about me. I guess in a way, it's a comfort because I know I'm not unique. Other people have felt the same as me before.

Being judged negatively by others:
•They think I'm useless
•They won't like me


This is one of my main sources of anxiety - worrying about what people think of me or more accurately, what I think they think about me. I like myself but I sometimes get it into my head that my friends don't like me. I know it's paranoia but the thoughts still creep in.

Mind Reading:

This means that you make assumptions about others' beliefs without having any real evidence to support them. For example: •My boss thinks I'm stupid.
•People think I'm weird.
Such ways of thinking naturally make us apprehensive.


I'm also guilty of this. Again, it's paranoia in action. I know that my friends and family do like me and that just because they haven't liked or commented on one of my Facebook posts, it doesn't mean they don't like me in real life. However, it doesn't stop the niggling thoughts creeping in every now and again.


How you feel: Nervous, stressed and apprehensive.

Yep. Thankfully I don't feel like this every day. I do need to get better at recognising my thought patterns and realising that some of my thoughts are not helpful. I can't stop them coming but I can stop ruminating.
 
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FizzyCustard

FizzyCustard

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From experience, I know that some unhelpful thinking patterns have come out of bad relationships and interactions with people, but actively stopping those thoughts and finding ways to deal with them is a challenge. I tend to use journaling a lot to clear the unwanted thoughts from my mind; I get them down and then respond to them (in the journal entry) in a rational way, sometimes even talking directly to myself through the words.
 
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anyajp

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Thanks very much...this is the sort of thing I needed to read to get round and help me with my thoughts etc.
 
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Ramya0914

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Thanks for sharing. It could be really helpful.
 
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Scooby2times

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Thank you for the check list
 
NancyKhosla

NancyKhosla

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Thanks for sharing these. I never asked questions to myself this way before. It's really helpful for many.
 
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Patricialynn7

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Hi have problems with unwanted negative thoughts. I’m trying to pray more and practice my faith.
 
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Lila B

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Challenging unhelpful thoughts

The way that we think about things has an impact on our anxiety levels. Many of these thoughts occur outside of our control, and can be negative or unhelpful. It is therefore important to remember that they are just thoughts, without any real basis, and are not necessarily facts. Even though we may believe a lot of our unhelpful thoughts when we are anxious, it is good to remember that they should be questioned as they are often based on wrong assumptions.


Being judged negatively by others:
•They think I'm useless
•They won't like me
Being unable to cope: •I'll make a fool of myself
•I'm too anxious to manage that
•I'll have a panic attack
Something terrible happening: •What if I have an accident?
•What if I lose my job?

It is clear to see how this kind of thinking might make us anxious. Do you ever think in any of the ways outlined above?

Patterns of unhelpful thinking

First you need to be able to recognise an unhelpful thought. Then you can challenge it. Being aware of the common patterns that unhelpful thoughts follow can help you to recognise when you have them. Here are some of the common patterns that our unhelpful thoughts follow:



Predicting the Future:

When we are feeling anxious, it is common for us to spend a lot of time thinking about the future and predicting what could go wrong, rather than just letting things be. In the end most of our predictions don't happen and we have wasted time and energy being worried and upset about them. For example: • Assuming you will perform poorly at your job interview.
•Spending the week before an exam predicting you will fail, despite all your hard work studying and your previous good grades.

Mind Reading:

This means that you make assumptions about others' beliefs without having any real evidence to support them. For example: •My boss thinks I'm stupid.
•People think I'm weird.
Such ways of thinking naturally make us apprehensive.

Catastrophising:

People commonly 'catastrophise' when they are anxious, which basically means that they often blow things out of proportion. For example: •They assume that something that has happened is far worse than it really is (e.g. that their friend is going to dislike them because they cancelled a night out).
•They may think that something terrible is going to happen in the future, when, in reality, there is very little evidence to support it (e.g. I'm going to get into serious trouble for calling in sick).

Focusing on the Negatives:

Anxious people often have a tendency to focus on the negatives which keeps their anxiety going. For example: • They focus on the one person at work who doesn't like them, ignoring that they are very popular with the rest of their colleagues.



Should Statements:

People often imagine how they would like things to be or how they 'should be' rather than accepting how things really are. For example: •I should have got an A in History.
•I should never be anxious.
Unfortunately when we do this, we are simply applying extra pressure to ourselves that can result in anxiety. Instead it can sometimes help to accept that things can't always be perfect.
Over Generalising:

Based on one isolated incident you assume that all others will follow a similar pattern in the future. For example: • When enrolling on a college course, you meet a future classmate who you find irritating. As a result, you worry that everyone in the class will be the same and you won't make any friends.

What If Statements:

Have you ever wondered "what if" something bad happens? For example: •What if I have a panic attack at the party?
•What if I don't make friends when I start my new job?
This type of thought can often make us avoid going places or doing the things that we would like.

Labelling:

Do you find that you attach negative labels to yourself? For example: •I'm weak.
•I'm a waste of space.
•I'm always anxious.
Labels like these really influence how we see ourselves and can heighten our anxiety levels.

Patterns of unhelpful thinking

First you need to be able to recognise an unhelpful thought. Then you can challenge it. Being aware of the common patterns that unhelpful thoughts follow can help you to recognise when you have them.

Once you have recognised an unhelpful thought the next stage is to challenge it. To do this, you can ask yourself a serious of questions. See the example below:



Situation: The end of year exams are approaching.



How you feel: Nervous, stressed and apprehensive.


Unhelpful thought: I'll definitely fail my exams miserably!




Challenges to an unhelpful thought


Now you can challenge your unhelpful thoughts by asking these questions.


Is there any evidence that contradicts this thought?
•I've always done well in my previous exams.
•I've been scoring well in my coursework.

Can you identify any of the patterns of unhelpful thinking described earlier?
•I'm 'predicting the future'. I have no evidence to suggest I'll fail.

What would you say to a friend who had this thought in a similar situation?
•I'd say don't be silly, you've always done well. As long as you've studied hard, you should be fine. Besides, you can only try your best.

What are the costs and benefits of thinking in this way?
•Costs: It's making me feel sick with worry.
•Benefits: I can't really think of any.

How will you feel about this in 6 months time?
•I'll probably look back and laugh about how silly I was being.

Is there another way of looking at this situation?
•I've always done well in the past so I should be ok. I can only do my best anyway; after all I've studied hard. At worst, I'll just have to re-sit next year.

Once you have asked yourself these questions, you should read through your answers. Try to come up with a more balanced or rational view. For example:



Worrying about failing is doing me no good. I've always done well before so I should be fine, especially since I've prepared properly.

Try to apply these questions to the unhelpful thoughts that you notice. It can help to reduce your anxiety levels. You can use this technique to test your thoughts are realistic and balanced.

(MOODJUICE - Anxiety - Self-help Guide)
Thanks for posting this. However

What if you ARE a fool? (Last week I tripped over a carpet at a cafe where I work and fell completely flat out on my side...right in front of about 15 customer!)

What if you are a shitty teacher? (that’s why I had to retire. I failed my evaluations.)

What if no one likes you? (They don’t. I have zero friends. I could die in my condo and no one would know for about a week)

What if you are a terrible horseback rider? (I am. It was really important to me to be good at riding but I suck. Fell off my horse twice, broke my elbow and shoulder. The got PTSD so I gave it up.)

Believe me when I say I’m not good at ANYTHING! NADA!

What if all the negative thinking is actually TRUE?!
 
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FridaFreedom

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Joined
Mar 11, 2019
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Location
Gold Coast. Australia
Hi everyone, I had the same problem with overthinking all the time it was giving me anxiety. I knew that the key to be in the present is to raise my awareness and skill of attention, but this understanding was not solving the problem, I didn't have an instruction. Medication and visits to psychologist didn't change my perception on life and I felt separated from myself. I tried Osho meditation and it was kind of helping, but doing this by myself through web resources is like trying to learn how to swim online. And I found this practice with alive teacher in Europe about a half of year ago and just came back from the retreat. Thanks to the technique of the Givin School I feel happier than I ever was before, I am easily bringing myself back to what is happening right now, the world around me seems so colourful and interesting even the little things that I never used to notice previously, my friends and relatives have noticed how much calmer and confident I act in everyday life. Theory is good but there I actually tried it on practice, so I recommend everyone that tried everything and got disappointed to try tis practice, It brought my anxiety level to zero.
 
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EddyL81

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Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
1
Location
United States
Wonderful post.

I too have had constant thoughts of "people think I'm useless" or "something bad will happen" and still experience them. I try now to be aware and question whether these thoughts are based on reality, rather than get carried away by them. It can be difficult, you focus on a negative thought and it gets you worked up like crazy.

One thing I have been experimenting with is meditation. I sit still for about 20 minutes every morning and try to empty my head. Whenever a thought comes into my head I try to let it pass and not get swept up in "thought stories". I plan on making this a habit, hopefully, it will help out!
 
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Sunset7

Active member
Joined
Sep 17, 2018
Messages
31
Nicely summarized. The problem with we is I'm usually fully capable of thinking more 'objectively', it just doesn't make any difference to me. Thinking that "I'm unreasonable right now, I know this is very likely not a realistic representation of my current situation", but it doesn't make any difference, the anxiety doesn't go away. I guess it can help in not making stupid decisions based on anxiety, but it doesn't help much at all for me with feeling more at ease or anything.
Exactly my problem as well. I know I get upset about unimportant things. I know I can't change the past. I know I should focus on the positive. I know I not everything can be perfect at all times. That still doesn't help at, all, I can't get rid of the bad thoughts!
 
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