L
lauripops
Member
Hi x
Im so happy to have found this forum, Ive read a lot on here and finally have found the courage to post.
Ive had mental health problems since I was 13, Im 23 now. I was sexually attacked and used to self harm, had acute depression, saw councellors and attemted suicide in 1999.
Since then I have struggled terribly with my mental health. I was a heavy drug user throughout my teenage years, a heavy drinker and had terribly destructive relationships up until 3 years ago when I met my fiance.
When I was using drugs and alchohol I was numb to how I felt. When I became clean I started a new life and met my fiance and had a great job. But the depression never went away. I was taking anti-depressants for 5 years, but for the past year my depression is completely out of control.
I had pneumonia in July 08, and I have been off work ever since and will not be returning soon as I have lung damage and heart problems caused from the pneumonia.
My main problem at the moment is that because I am having other health issues, my useless gp will not prescribe me my anti depressants. So for 6 months I havent taken a single dose.
Needless to say I am in a mess.
My fiance says I am irrational, contradictory, and hell to live with at the moment. He says I am up and down and completely unpredictable. I find the weirdest things hilarious, and cry at the drop of a hat. I go for days without washing (gross I know but I just cant face the effort) and spend hours and hours on my own in silence with my head spinning with awful thoughts.
Up until I became ill, I was taking my meds and I was almost 'normal' but not taking my meds have made me realise that my depression is worse than I thought.
My dad has manic depression, and has it controlled now, but during my childhood his behaviour was identical to how mine is now.
I cant sleep, I cant think straight and my head has a life of its own. I am obsessed with everything related to death and dying, yet I am not suicidal. I cant stop talking some days, people around me ask me what on earth is wrond with me, yet other days I can barely string a sentance together. I hate peoples company, yet I feel so lonely and I cant even walk to a shop on my own.
My head is really scaring me, and it is getting worse everyday.
What can I do? Do I need a manic depression test? I no longer feel like I have depression as I felt totally different to how I feel now. My gp says no meds until I get treatment for my other health issues. She is completely useless. I worry that I am losing the plot completely!
Please help, any advice would be so appreciated x
Lx
Im so happy to have found this forum, Ive read a lot on here and finally have found the courage to post.
Ive had mental health problems since I was 13, Im 23 now. I was sexually attacked and used to self harm, had acute depression, saw councellors and attemted suicide in 1999.
Since then I have struggled terribly with my mental health. I was a heavy drug user throughout my teenage years, a heavy drinker and had terribly destructive relationships up until 3 years ago when I met my fiance.
When I was using drugs and alchohol I was numb to how I felt. When I became clean I started a new life and met my fiance and had a great job. But the depression never went away. I was taking anti-depressants for 5 years, but for the past year my depression is completely out of control.
I had pneumonia in July 08, and I have been off work ever since and will not be returning soon as I have lung damage and heart problems caused from the pneumonia.
My main problem at the moment is that because I am having other health issues, my useless gp will not prescribe me my anti depressants. So for 6 months I havent taken a single dose.
Needless to say I am in a mess.
My fiance says I am irrational, contradictory, and hell to live with at the moment. He says I am up and down and completely unpredictable. I find the weirdest things hilarious, and cry at the drop of a hat. I go for days without washing (gross I know but I just cant face the effort) and spend hours and hours on my own in silence with my head spinning with awful thoughts.
Up until I became ill, I was taking my meds and I was almost 'normal' but not taking my meds have made me realise that my depression is worse than I thought.
My dad has manic depression, and has it controlled now, but during my childhood his behaviour was identical to how mine is now.
I cant sleep, I cant think straight and my head has a life of its own. I am obsessed with everything related to death and dying, yet I am not suicidal. I cant stop talking some days, people around me ask me what on earth is wrond with me, yet other days I can barely string a sentance together. I hate peoples company, yet I feel so lonely and I cant even walk to a shop on my own.
My head is really scaring me, and it is getting worse everyday.
What can I do? Do I need a manic depression test? I no longer feel like I have depression as I felt totally different to how I feel now. My gp says no meds until I get treatment for my other health issues. She is completely useless. I worry that I am losing the plot completely!
Please help, any advice would be so appreciated x
Lx