Recieving no treatment, going out of my mind.

[lauripops]

Hi x

Im so happy to have found this forum, Ive read a lot on here and finally have found the courage to post.

Ive had mental health problems since I was 13, Im 23 now. I was sexually attacked and used to self harm, had acute depression, saw councellors and attemted suicide in 1999.

Since then I have struggled terribly with my mental health. I was a heavy drug user throughout my teenage years, a heavy drinker and had terribly destructive relationships up until 3 years ago when I met my fiance.

When I was using drugs and alchohol I was numb to how I felt. When I became clean I started a new life and met my fiance and had a great job. But the depression never went away. I was taking anti-depressants for 5 years, but for the past year my depression is completely out of control.

I had pneumonia in July 08, and I have been off work ever since and will not be returning soon as I have lung damage and heart problems caused from the pneumonia.

My main problem at the moment is that because I am having other health issues, my useless gp will not prescribe me my anti depressants. So for 6 months I havent taken a single dose.

Needless to say I am in a mess.

My fiance says I am irrational, contradictory, and hell to live with at the moment. He says I am up and down and completely unpredictable. I find the weirdest things hilarious, and cry at the drop of a hat. I go for days without washing (gross I know but I just cant face the effort) and spend hours and hours on my own in silence with my head spinning with awful thoughts.

Up until I became ill, I was taking my meds and I was almost 'normal' but not taking my meds have made me realise that my depression is worse than I thought.

My dad has manic depression, and has it controlled now, but during my childhood his behaviour was identical to how mine is now.

I cant sleep, I cant think straight and my head has a life of its own. I am obsessed with everything related to death and dying, yet I am not suicidal. I cant stop talking some days, people around me ask me what on earth is wrond with me, yet other days I can barely string a sentance together. I hate peoples company, yet I feel so lonely and I cant even walk to a shop on my own.

My head is really scaring me, and it is getting worse everyday.

What can I do? Do I need a manic depression test? I no longer feel like I have depression as I felt totally different to how I feel now. My gp says no meds until I get treatment for my other health issues. She is completely useless. I worry that I am losing the plot completely!

Please help, any advice would be so appreciated x

Lx

 

[Lozzi_1004]

Hi Lauren

Sounds like you're in a dark place at the moment and I'm sure it'll pass eventually (even though you may not feel like it).

Your GP may not be prescribing meds because they may cause serious side effects when combined with the meds you'd have to take for the pneumonia. There will be a method in the madness somewhere!! If you've stopped taking the meds for the pneumonia then they may have a waiting time for them to be flushed out of your system and you could still be within that time limit.

You sound like you're really struggling, could you ask your GP to put you forward for other ways of dealing with the depression; councelling etc? Also, tell her you're worried that you could have bipolar, if she doesn't know already tell her you're dad suffers from it and you believe your behaviour is like his when not stable. She may refer to you MH services (if you're not already with them). . If you're still having no joy, try changing GP's

I hope you get well soon! Plenty of s

 

[KP1]

It does sound as if you should be under the com munity mental health team as well as your GP.
Sorry that you feel so awful.
KP

 

[lauripops]

Thankyou so much, re-reading my post an hour later seems like it wasnt me writing it, my mood is so different already. Crazy.

Im going to call my new docs and get an appointment soon as poss. I just really hope I can get this sorted. Ive tried councellors in the past, but really really dislike opening up to strangers when I have friends I can be completely honest and open with, but thats just my own personal mindset.

I just dont want to feel like im missing out on life, a the moment I feel like im living in a bubble, not involved with life at all.

But I really am so grateful and happy I came on here x makes me relieved that others understand when some friends and family dont!

L x

 

[lauripops]

It does sound as if you should be under the com munity mental health team as well as your GP.
Sorry that you feel so awful.
KP

Hi KP1,

To be completely honest I never even knew about a community team. All of my mental health problems have always been treated by my useless gp. But thankyou so much for telling me, Ive got something I can tell them now at least! Just feel like they think I am a hypochondriac and that they cant be bothered to listen. So im hoping that by changing gp's asap I might get lucky and get a gp that actually listens!!

 

[jamesdean]

Hi laura I know how you feel n I'm on ad's, I asked the redcross if they could help me this afternoon and then the acorns charity all these people are touting for trade in the high street so then I asked the big issue seller if he would buy me a cup of tea but he refused my request.
Its a crazy world I'm always giving to charity.
Such is life but your gp is out of order because you have a history of mh so you shouldnt be refused but refered to the lcmht.
Did you see they tackled post natel depression on the bill last nightI just caught the end, I'm not normally up at that time but my sleeping pattern is so crazy I dont know if its day or night this week but I'm coping.
I hope you get this sorted,
Best wishes James

 

[KP1]

Lauripops another way of accessing care if you can bare it is to go to a&e and try and get a psychiatic assessment. The risk there I suppose is of being admitted which might not be what you want.
KP

 

[trainwreck]

hello baby, dont beat yourself up for being ill , ask your doc to send you to hospital for an asessment. he or she may be out there depth an not understand your problem,s