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Recent Bipolar diagnosis - girlfriend split up with me

J

James90

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Feb 19, 2021
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Sussex
Hi everyone,
I was hoping to find some advice.

I am 32 and have been struggling with heavy depression in spells for the past 5 years, which has been getting worse and worse. I have had no reason to be, amazing girlfriend,family and friends - a very lucky man.

At the end of 2019 I had a really bad patch of extreme mood swings - no sleep , and I was given antidepressants which made me feel sick and worse but told to stick with them so I did.

I started having absent seizures at the beginning of January 2020 and I had to leave my job in March because I couldn’t cope. I lost my license for 12 months and I was put on levitracem for the seizures.

I started my own company 2 weeks later, just before Covid hit and we went into lockdown.
No work and no money.

I was still facing terrible mood swings and heavy depression.

I took myself to hospital in April 2020 as I was extremely manic and spent 5 days in there and didn’t sleep. I still wasn’t diagnosed with bipolar.

I eventually had to go to a private psychiatrist in July 2020 who diagnosed me with Bipolar passing the examination by 100%. I was given Aripiprazole which didn’t agree with me and made me feel sick and more depressed. I was told to go back after 4 weeks to review the medication but I couldn’t afford the follow up meeting. So I kept using it for 3 months until I couldn’t use it anymore and went back to hospital in September.
I was referred to a neuro specialist who changed my mood stabiliser to Limotrogine.
I have been waiting 7 months for my follow up in March, to be reviewed and monitored properly. As I’m still feeling very depressed and erratic.

There have been major delays in treatments the past year because of Covid which I have appreciated and been patient with.

I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years but I have deteriorated dramatically physically and mentally over the past year and a half.
I have had deep depression, unable to drive because of my absent seizures, no work because of Covid and I’ve put a lot of weight on. In between this I lost my job and my close uncle died of cancer.

My girlfriend has broken up with me because she says we want different things.

She doesn’t understand bipolar, depression at all. And her words are I have no drive, motivation, I’m fat.

I have never been Horrible to her and always supported her with everything.
No arguments, shouting, horrible things being said.
I haven’t felt sorry for myself and I have tried to stay positive Through the past year and half.

when she split up with me by phone , I refused to meet her the next day to talk about it and sent her a nice email wishing her the best . I have cut all contact and not spoken to her for a week.

I am obviously really upset because I love her and hurt that she can’t see I’m unwell and in the process of getting better.

I am exhausted by everything and don’t feel I should be having to explain my situation to someone that should love me.

I feel I shouldn’t chase her or beg her but leave her to get on with what she’s got to do.

I don’t want to put my burden on her, and I want to focus on getting better.

Am I doing the right thing ? Or shall I try and get her back ?
 
Jolly

Jolly

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So sad. I hope you get some good advice on here it is really friendly and non judgemental x
 
R

Radasto

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Lithuania
I can say that you will never ricover being on psychiatric drugs because they always develop tolerance. Try William Walsh'es book "Nutrient power: heal your biochemistry and heal your brain". It states the real reason of mental illneses and provides enough information to treat it.
 
J

James90

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Feb 19, 2021
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Sussex
Thank you I’ll take a look 🙏
I have had a bad experience with medication and lost faith ! I feel it’s thrown at you, not monitored and more damaging
 
Passionflower

Passionflower

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It is good that you are concentrating on getting better. If the relationship is meant to be, then it will happen one day.
 
Capt Hooke

Capt Hooke

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Hadley Rille
I've been in your position (we never got back together). It's difficult to advise, as your relationship went of for some time, but we only have your necessarily brief account of how things went, and we don't have her side. Actually, even your very best friend doesn't know what only you know about the relationship, and I tend to take the view that advice, even from such a friend, is based on a limited insight and may not really be helpful.

You said she doesn't understand bipolar, and it sounds like she made no attempt to learn. I guess there are some lucky people for whom depression is so far from their own state of mind that depression is unimaginable. For someone like that, being with a depressive must be extremely hard.

My own experience with anti-depressants is that even the few that work don't maintain an effect; you become "resistant to them". Treatment on the NHS has always been pretty poor, and in Covid-world, probably offers even less.
 
J

James90

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Thankyou for taking the time to write to me.
When you broke up did you cut off contact for a while ? Did you eventually speak again and remain friends ?
 
C

CabbageMama

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Hi James. I got dumped in May after 3.5years. It was only a few months after bipolar was suggested by the Psychiatrist and my Partner said he just couldn’t cope with it all. Ironically, it was my Ex that made me go to the Dr as he thought I had bipolar... It is a shit situation for you and I am so sorry.
 
J

James90

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Hi James. I got dumped in May after 3.5years. It was only a few months after bipolar was suggested by the Psychiatrist and my Partner said he just couldn’t cope with it all. Ironically, it was my Ex that made me go to the Dr as he thought I had bipolar... It is a shit situation for you and I am so sorry.
Thankyou for your message , what was your break up like ? Did you make no contact for a while did you meet up amicably and still remain friends ?
 
C

CabbageMama

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Thankyou for your message , what was your break up like ? Did you make no contact for a while did you meet up amicably and still remain friends ?
I was heartbroken. I have done everything I can to remain friends, but he has tried to walk away from the wreckage. We message occasionally as he feels guilty, though not guilty enough to try and support me through this. I would be dealing with things far easier if I had him by my side, but it is what it is. If you can manage it, no contact is probably best longer term - a cleaner break. Really hard though.
 
J

James90

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I was heartbroken. I have done everything I can to remain friends, but he has tried to walk away from the wreckage. We message occasionally as he feels guilty, though not guilty enough to try and support me through this. I would be dealing with things far easier if I had him by my side, but it is what it is. If you can manage it, no contact is probably best longer term - a cleaner break. Really hard though.
Yeah with their support it would be so much easier! I can’t believe they don’t want to support you get better, they are clearly not meant to be and we deserve better than that.
I would never turn my back on someone that needs my help support , makes me ashamed I invested so much time and energy into them
 
C

CabbageMama

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Yeah with their support it would be so much easier! I can’t believe they don’t want to support you get better, they are clearly not meant to be and we deserve better than that.
I would never turn my back on someone that needs my help support , makes me ashamed I invested so much time and energy into them
Totally! I would be exactly the same and can’t really comprehend someone doing the opposite to me. You absolutely do deserve better. And despite things being really tough for you, you seem to have real clarity about moving forward.
 
J

James90

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All you can do is move forwards , there’s no moving backwards!
I think with having bipolar you become a lot stronger as a person and are able to bounce back from setbacks.
I think the confident creative energy of our mania always pulls us forwards . 🙏
 
C

CabbageMama

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All you can do is move forwards , there’s no moving backwards!
I think with having bipolar you become a lot stronger as a person and are able to bounce back from setbacks.
I think the confident creative energy of our mania always pulls us forwards . 🙏
Fingers crossed, hey! Bipolar was only ever on the cards for me since March last year, then had the break up, medication and not being able to carry on working, so haven’t had a lot of constant time to get used to the idea. I very much like the idea of moving forwards. 🙌
 
J

James90

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Fingers crossed, hey! Bipolar was only ever on the cards for me since March last year, then had the break up, medication and not being able to carry on working, so haven’t had a lot of constant time to get used to the idea. I very much like the idea of moving forwards. 🙌
Trust the process ! I feel I have improved a lot since being diagnosed last July, once you start understanding it, you can see triggers and learn to avoid them and you can recognise when you are up and down, and when you are down you know you won’t be for long ! However hard it is , find a healthy routine, diet , read and keep busy .
The break up is an emotional trigger which puts you into a depressed slump , which has hurt me the most because your loved one is hurting you more when you are helpless.
Stuck in lockdown has been a massive stress and bipolar trigger on top of everything else!
We can do this , keep punching on and we’ll be good again.
And the right one will find us when we least expect it 🙏
 
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