Rebuilding trust in a broken relationship.

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bratkinz

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Joined
Nov 18, 2017
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#1
I was dating a guy for 2 years and he cheated on me and I took 2 years off from dating and tried to completely heal myself before jumping into another relationship, well finally I start dating my current boyfriend (we will call him Steve) Steve and I have been seriously dating for 4 months. We live together (a little soon I know) but things just felt so right and like we had known each other forever. Well about 2 months in for no good reason I started to get SUPER paranoid about him and wondering what he was doing and who he was texting. I would go through his phone regularly and he knew it, and I wouldn't find anything. Yet I kept accusing him? One day I had this weird feeling and went through his things and realized he had been messaging this girl that lived states away, (sexting I should say) I broke up with him obviously, but he begged for me and swore to me it was nothing and that he was so sorry and that to him it was basically like interactive porn because he knew he'd never actually meet up with this girl & they were just sending pictures b&f (Yes we both watch porn together so porn doesn't bother me) and I know that is some bullshit excuse and to some it would be a deal breaker but for some reason it may be because I love him & it wasn't physical, I decided to forgive him and stay with him. We decided that we don't wanna have each other's passwords and work on trusting each other because I didn't trust him long before he did that. I mean the way I see it, if he's gonna cheat it will come to light somehow right? So a few weeks have gone by and I keep telling myself I forgive him and I do want to be with him but I'm TERRIFIED that he is still doing these things. Mind you we live together so I know he's not sleeping around and we go to the gym together and we are around each other all of the time but it's the phone. Anytime his phone lights up i get an anxious feeling, I wonder what he's doing. I don't know if it's me but it seems like he keeps it even closer to him than before. I could just be paranoid but like I said we don't have each other's passwords anymore and I don't want him to think I'm insecure because I promised I would work on trusting him but how do I shake this feeling? I want it To go away so bad because a part of me does believe he won't do anything again bc he saw how bad it hurt me and I really want to try and make this relationship work because he is a very sweet guy and when we are around each other it's perfect, but sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me and I have all of these negative thoughts in my head. Does anyone have advice on how to curb the paranoia and how to rebuild trust in a relationship that was once broken? I know people say if there's no trust then it needs to end but I know there HAS to be a way to rebuild it. HELP
 
Per Ardua Ad Astra

Per Ardua Ad Astra

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#3
I have a real issue with trust now, both with individuals who have made 'friends' with me, and also with the NHS and the Police :)
 
naominash

naominash

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Mar 26, 2016
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#4
Before making any major decision about a relationship, give yourself some time.

Why?

1. Emotions will settle. They cloud judgment.

2. You want to give yourself time to figure out whether the relationship can work out.

3. If it doesn't work out, you want to be fully ready to move on.

Cheating, texting, sexting are not okay. This time is nainly for your benefit.

How much time?

I would say 2 months. Don't decide to leave or stay. Just reevaluate things. Communicate honestly and openly with him. Set your boundaries and go from there.

This could be an awesome opportunity for ya'll to grow together. Maybe there's something lacking in the relationship that can be easily worked on.

Or this may be the time you need to know without a doubt that this man is wasting your time.

Either way, give it time. We aren't machines. We need time to process things. Keep us posted, okay?
 
naominash

naominash

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#5
As far as building trust, time, communication, and honesty will help you. Don't try and hide your feelings from your boyfriend. Talk to him if you want things to work out.
 
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