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Realtionship Anxiety/Trust Issues

M

Mreck4

New member
Joined
Nov 4, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Iowa
Hi there, I'm new here and was hoping this would be a good place to seek alternative help! Over the last few months I've had really bad trust issues with my partner. I've really enjoyed this relationship and felt more comfortable than I ever have, but recently I've been very insecure about my partner having friends of the opposite sex. Basically my insecurities and subconscious create events in my mind that most likely never occur/occured, and I tend to make myself believe these things. With this current partner we live together and she has two children that I adore and treat as if they were mine, and as much as it stresses me out, I draw myself closer and sometimes they help me cope. Back in February i had my first trust issues with this partner and they cut the relationship off. At the time we didn't live together so I said that I would move in and accept the things that they wanted for this relationship and promised that I'd work on my issues and it went really well for a while. Recently in August we went downhill again and my partner cut things off again, this time we lived together and they kicked me out for a few days, I didn't eat or sleep unless I took medication to cope with anxiety and knock me out. After a few days my partner said they were lonely and invited me back, they gave me the chance to work on my anxiety and trust issues, again I did really good for a few weeks, although we weren't technically in a relationship it seemed like it. I slipped up faster this time when my partner started a friendship with a person of the opposite sex and has been hanging out with this person frequently. My anger and anxiety over it has frustrated the both of us as it's almost uncontrollable for me. I get really hot/shake and get angry and sad and an overflow of emotion causes me to be hard to be around. This has pushed my partner away and put them on their last straw as I promised to seek help for these issues. I also become very controlling and needy in these situation and can be too affectionate, when my partner asks for space I convince myself it is because they are giving physical and emotional energy to this friend. I become quiet and rude and off and I dislike how I feel. I'm on medication and attend therapy but the past few weeks I've been very busy and have not been able to attend. Some backstory to where I think my trust issues come from: when I was younger the trauma of my parents fighting due to one of my parents being unfaithful was very hard, and I saw and knew about more than my other parent even knows. This started when I was roughly 4 or 5 and due to it we moved to a different state close to family so my parents could stay together and "work" on their marriage. As my parent that did this became friends with more people in the community we moved to I saw it happen more especially in my teenage years. This was very hard and the first time I saw it turn into a problem was my sophomore year of high school when I developed a friendship with a person a year younger than me, this person liked me but was not allowed to be in a relationship until they were 16. After a while I started to distrust this person and where their feelings were and I became sad and rude but also broke boundaries that this person had, which is also a big problem of mine. I pushed this person away so bed that I haven't spoken to them in 5 years. Next was my first serious and long term relationship my senior year. This person was the person I lost my virginity to and I became sexually attached, when my issues began to take place again and my subconscious took over and created these scenarios they turned out to be true. I had people that were friends with me come to me and show me proof that this person had been sending sexual photos to other people of the opposite sex. This made me always trust my intuition on the spot which isnt healthy for the most part. Another trauma that causes me to be very insecure is that I was severely bullied in school, physically and emotionally. I was always in sports but never in the best shape. My freshman year I took the initiative to cut the toxic relationship out of my life and work on my fitness and lost alot of weight and more people began to notice me. I started another relationship when I went to a university with a person who went to a CC about an hour away. Again my trust issues began to take over and I began to be so attached and have separation issues that I began to skip class and eventually failed out of school. I started my "relationship" I am currently in with a friends ex and it started strictly sexually. I began to enjoy this person even though i was not seeking a relationship but eventually I was for a relationship. Leading up I have become attached and break alot of boundaries, which leads me to where I am currently. I'm not sure really where to go from here, if anyone has suggestions on coping methods or ideas to help it would be greatly appreciated, thank you!
 
C

Crystallia

New member
Joined
Nov 7, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Greece
Hello,
At first I dont think that is right for you that your partner is cutting you off all the time. Yes, i believe that jealousy and trust issues are bad for your relationship and the others person mental health but If she knows your anxiety issues and bad childhood situations, she needs to be more supportive.
Because I ve had a similar situation in my relationship, dont voice your anxiety and lack of trust with angry language and emotion. Sit and discuss with her with a calm voice, what do you feel and why you believe that you are feeling this way. Have you told her about your childhood and how that affects you? You can propose some solutions as well: Maybe to go out and be introduced to this friend as her partner.
Nevertheless, always remember that your partner chose you and shares her life with you because she values you and want this relationship as much as you want.
In addition, focus on your self more. Try to improve your self- esteem. Try to make new friends, look after your self, buy new clothes, go for a walk/ run. Take a gym membership. When you feel good with your self, you radiate and that tends to bring your people closer. Show to your partner and your self that you love YOU, that you value YOU enough to do things for yourself.
I wish you all the best.
C
 
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