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really struggling

letmein

letmein

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 10, 2016
Messages
1,049
so dam low

8 years of this shit is too much

i've had enough
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
2,753
Location
Nashua NH
so dam low

8 years of this shit is too much

i've had enough
I know what you mean. I’ve had it for at least ten years and it doesn’t seem to get better. I am able to cope with it because I have a lot of support from my parents but if I didn’t I don’t know what I would do. Try and hang in there. xo. j
 
B

BipolarCoder

Member
Joined
Jun 8, 2020
Messages
14
Location
California
Hang in there, and remember there is always help/support available somewhere.Maybe Doctors. Maybe Family. Maybe Friends. Maybe here. Maybe Phone hotlines. But definitely somewhere.
 
letmein

letmein

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 10, 2016
Messages
1,049
self hate at its high

so low

starting to egt SH & S thoughts again
 
B

BipolarCoder

Member
Joined
Jun 8, 2020
Messages
14
Location
California
One solution that's helped me quite a bit is learning to quiet my internal dialog (at least for a few minutes at a time).

This works because one can't have negative internal ideation when there is no internal dialog at all. So once we learn to quiet our internal voice, we can turn off the ideation when it gets negative.

All of this starts with the realization that the internal yammering in our minds is not "us".... it's just this part of the brain which converts thoughts into sentences. Teat it like a bad dog that needs to be trained. Train it to repeat a mantra, and that's mantra meditation. Train it to stop talking all the time, that's (sort-of) mindfulness meditation. Train it to say nice things, that's Neuro Linguistic Programming.

Easy in concept, but sometimes hard in practice. For shutting off internal dialog is a bit like wiggling your nose. Nobody can tell you exactly how to wiggle your nose. We can only tell you that it's possible, and that if you experiement with different techniques, you'll eventually figure out how to do it.

---

My two favorite books on the subject are:

"Deep Meditation - Pathway to Personal Freedom" by Yogani (on mantra meditation)

"The Mind Illuminated: A Complete Meditation Guide Integrating Buddhist Wisdom and Brain Science for Greater Mindfulness" by John Yates, PhD (on controlling the mind)
 
letmein

letmein

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 10, 2016
Messages
1,049
im away to hell in a hand cart!!!
 
mischief

mischief

Well-known member
Admin
Joined
Dec 9, 2007
Messages
13,157
Location
The World
what's happening letmein?

Would it be worth calling someone and talking in person?
 
N

nyarb

Member
Joined
Oct 27, 2019
Messages
11
Location
USA
Letmein,
So much good advise above. I am at another all time low myself, but came on here tonight
to try and get this out of my system. Entered a psych ward in Feb after a friend of mine
thought of offing herself. Not a complete waste, spent 2 days appeasing a nurse practitioner who knew way less than I had already forgotten about this illness. But, it stopped me in my tracks, got me away from care giving, and even though I'm down and out again, I will do what is necessary to get out of the dark. Mantra's work, and I hate meditation, but just the vibration of repeating something, like thank God, or help me over and over, well it helped me. Great advise above, hope you can pull yourself out, but as we both know, sometimes it's just too much and I am 60, been with this since 30 y/o, and am sick and tired of it all, so I'm sure I will take control of this one day, when it's right for those living, and off myself, as is expected by all my siblings anyway. No one cares, except 2 adult children. And they are even setting faster and faster with the sun, which I'm glad. S is not a cowardly way out, it is a trick they say so you don't do it, but no one except yourself can appreciate your pain, only you. You have to assess your darkness, can you get out of it? Can you find sources to bring relief? If so, then you can make it. God Bless, try and hang on a lot longer. I've been going up and down and all around for 30 years. You can too with the right tools. I hope you will seek them.
 
N

nyarb

Member
Joined
Oct 27, 2019
Messages
11
Location
USA
Because tomorrow I will wake up and be someone else.
 
S

SweetBipolar

Active member
Joined
May 1, 2020
Messages
42
Location
usa
I am sorry. I know the feeling. I hope
You are getting help and have someone to talk to.
 
N

nyarb

Member
Joined
Oct 27, 2019
Messages
11
Location
USA
As I said, I would wake up another person the next day. It is what it is, different
levels of depression. Today I slept all day, after a 12 hour sleep last night. So it's nice to
sleep, I don't have to exist and feel the pain. Getting an idea to start going to AA meetings
to have people to talk to, so thanks for the response.
 
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