Letmein,
So much good advise above. I am at another all time low myself, but came on here tonight
to try and get this out of my system. Entered a psych ward in Feb after a friend of mine
thought of offing herself. Not a complete waste, spent 2 days appeasing a nurse practitioner who knew way less than I had already forgotten about this illness. But, it stopped me in my tracks, got me away from care giving, and even though I'm down and out again, I will do what is necessary to get out of the dark. Mantra's work, and I hate meditation, but just the vibration of repeating something, like thank God, or help me over and over, well it helped me. Great advise above, hope you can pull yourself out, but as we both know, sometimes it's just too much and I am 60, been with this since 30 y/o, and am sick and tired of it all, so I'm sure I will take control of this one day, when it's right for those living, and off myself, as is expected by all my siblings anyway. No one cares, except 2 adult children. And they are even setting faster and faster with the sun, which I'm glad. S is not a cowardly way out, it is a trick they say so you don't do it, but no one except yourself can appreciate your pain, only you. You have to assess your darkness, can you get out of it? Can you find sources to bring relief? If so, then you can make it. God Bless, try and hang on a lot longer. I've been going up and down and all around for 30 years. You can too with the right tools. I hope you will seek them.