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Really struggling right now, please can anyone help?

A

alphacharlie1

Member
Joined
Mar 24, 2019
Messages
15
Location
Sheffield
Hi so I started on 20mg Fluoxetine (Prozac) almost 3 weeks ago now and I’d say I don’t really think they’re doing anything. The first few days was more of a placebo effect of me thinking they’re working and then it just went back to normal again.. anyway I’m really struggling right now with my HOCD/ROCD I’ve got some weird attraction to one of my mates that I can’t get out of my head and the intrusive thoughts are so intense they make me feel like it’s a guilty pleasure or something.

Also, the ROCD is really taking its toll on me, me and my girlfriend live apart/don’t talk much due to work and stuff at the moment and the ROCD is making me question everything I do e.g. if I don’t think about her for 10 mins, or if like I have a dream that she’s dating someone else and I’m not bothered by it. Also when I see other scenarios I’m always putting myself in them and it really gets to me. Like i’ll See something on TV about someone falling out of love with their soulmate and it’ll just hit me and I’ll ruminate on it for days and I panic because I’m like I need to feel attraction and love right now and how do I get that? And then I think we’ll maybe it’s because I’m depressed and can’t find enjoyment in anything or maybe the tablets are taking attractions away from me? All in all I’m a mess and I’m numb to everything now and I just want my old life back and to be able to think straight.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
11,017
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Fluoxetrine (sp) didnt help me either :hug:

Maybe give it one more week then talk to the doctor? It normally takes about 4 to 6 weeks I believe for medications to take effect so if you was to mention it to the doctor earlier they would probably tell you to wait for another few weeks :hug:
 
H

HeroToZero

Member
Joined
Jun 27, 2019
Messages
11
Location
Canada
Hey man. Listen- I've been through this. Nearly exactly. Instead of HOCD though I experienced Harm OCD, but as you may know they operate nearly identically in principal. This sounds so annoying and I didnt find it helpful when I heard it at first but as somone who went through this I can tell you-- soon you will realize these "Thoughts" or the anxiety that comes with them is essentially your primitive brain "asking" your human, evolved, pre-frontal cortex (the rational thinking you) if these things are threats. Since you react to them with worry and anxiety- that basically confirms to your amygdala that they ARE threats-- so its response will be to constantly make you aware of these ideas/thoughts/images, so you can be essentially on "Alert".

This stuff can EASILY make you depressed- which has the effect of dulling your positive emotions, such as Love, which can in turn lead you to think you dont "love" your partner enough- and it just goes around in a viscious circle.

First thing- Anxiety can do ALL SORTS of daffy shit to your brain function. Check these links out for a quick idea on the range of effects it can have
1) Anxiety May Cause Simple Auditory Hallucinations
2) Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder Causes Feelings of Detachment

Second- you are NOT insane, NOR are you a bad person for feeling like you "dont care enough". The real , hidden problem here is that you care FAR too much! Its triggering severe anxiety and leading to the "Pure" OCD symtptoms. Depression is a natural progression from feeling like garbage all the time so I would try to see it as secondary to the prime issue.

Now, it IS possible that you MAY be trying to force yourself to love your partner more than you really do (personally- I doubt this, it wasnt the case for me) but if you suspect that may be the case you need to really think it through. I know being told to "think it through can be a shitty thing to tell somome with Pure OCD, since thats literally all they do, 24/7. But I would suggest writing down all of your thoughts. Good or bad. Keep it private and just let it ALL spill out. Do this every day for a week, then read it all over and try to identify recurring themes. Take these themes and disect them individually (even if that means spending another week on each). This may not exactly cure you or anything but it WILL help a tremendous amount in identifying what the underlying issue is. You can then take these findings to a professional and it will put you LEAPS AND BOUNDS towards solving it.

Finally- Medication. It's tricky because there are so many wildly varying oppinions on it. I can only tell you my personal experience and that is: Meds were CRUCIAL in helping me through my issue. They didnt by any means cure me like a one stop shop- but what they did was what they are supposed to do- combat the anxiety and helping me get a clear enough head to do other critically important things like sleep, eat, move, think straight, relax and focus. Its nearly impossible to fight such a powerful affliction without these key pieces of you in working order. I take Escitalopram (Lexapro/Cipralex) 20mg and Wellbutrin (Bupropion) 300mg. Initially I was given Clonazepam but that did not work well for me in the long run, as tolerance built and trying to get off it was hell. I also had a brief stint with an Antipsychotic called Olanzapine to try and act as a bridge for me while transitioning to my AD- as it had a calm/sedating effect that really helped slow my brain down from going mach 10, allowing me to sleep.

Anyway- Sorry for the long post- this one just hit home for me. I really really really do know what you're going through dude. I can tell you with absolute certainty that as long as you keep fighting, you WILL figure this stuff out.

All the best
 
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