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really sad tonight

Fuscia

Fuscia

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I feel so alone tonight. I worked this morning and it went well but as soon as i woke up i knew something was wrong. I think its these nytol i take when i dont want my sleepers, i wonder if theyy make me depressed. Ive been crying for about an hour about life generally and how hard everything seems to be. I rang my brother and he tried to sort me out but i was sobbing. I think i miss living at my mums. I miss the warmth and comfort. Its sad isnt it but i miss it. Life is so hard that i want to hide out in her cottage being looked after. I guess i dont feel able to cope with the world. I need a strong husband but this man im seeing is not strong. Hes been mean and times and i wonder if im being a mug putting up with that too. Sorry to moan.
 
S

secretsurvivor1

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so sorry to hear how alone you are feeling. I may not be able to help, but I am here and listening.

sometimes relationships are toxic, but sometimes when you are depressed your view is scewed negatively, and you may regret getting rid of him when you feel a bit brighter.

Moods come and go. Avoid being alone if you can; ask for help if you need it.

I am also in a bad patch and can't do anything useful right now. I am trying to believe it will pass and going easy on myself in the meantime.

Look after yourself the way your mother would perhaps?
 
Fuscia

Fuscia

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Thank you for replying x

Im in bed now. Hoping a good nights sleep will sort me out. Ive had a couple of bad nights sleep i find that affects how i feel. Really sleepy. Miss home but got to try and make my flat my home. I guess most people like going back to their family home. I guess its normal.

Night night x
 
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Nicola398

Guest
Fuscia, it takes a while after you move to a place and live alone to feel like it s home, and I did miss living with my mum terribly at first.I understand that feeling of wanting to be home with mum and be looked after.It is so hard to look after yourself and be ok without any help and nourishment from others.Being alone used to make me feel terribly unsafe and abandoned and over time I got used to it and could still look after myself and feel safe if I was alone.I still can't go completely without others for any length of time without deteriorating in strength and becoming negative in my self emotionally.I find not getting enough sleep always affects my mental health badly so I do know about that too.
I think if alone the best thing to do is reach out for whatever you need, ask people for help, try and meet people to make new friends, don't just be alone and suffer it if you can help it.I speak as someone who has in the past been too scared of people to make friends or talk to them and couldn't be alone either.It is very painful loneliness I know.On the other hand if the only company available is someone who is going to hurt or abuse you then being alone is better.How mean is your new fella and is is it just mild meanness or is it bordering on abuse?
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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Fuscia, I am sorry you are feeling so sad right now. It sounds like it really is a loss to you not having the comfort of living with your mum. I do know that feeling of wanting to be taken care of. It's hard to take care of yourself and manage all the details of life (grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, paying bills) when you are depressed. I know that all too well.

Please be careful with the man you are seeing. You deserve better. You are worth more than that, and don't have to take meanness or abuse from anyone. I know it's hard to be alone, but please don't settle for less than you deserve.

Sending you lots of hugs.
 
Fuscia

Fuscia

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Woke up tired. Didnt sleep well. Going out with ex today. Im not sure how mean mean is. If it was abusive or not. I felt tormented but was also ill myself at the time. I walked away then. He apologised for it the other night on the phone. All i ever wanted was an apology. It just better not happen again. I find my feelings are cut off from him until i trust him again.

Cant believe i now have added man problems. Ive enough on my plate dealing with me.

Sadness. Not sure why. Lack of sleep i expect. Life. Work. Got to try and have a peaceful day and will take sleeper tonight to hopefully knock me out.
 
Fuscia

Fuscia

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I think i just hate living alone. I feel so lonely here and drink to ease the pain of it and of the past. I dont drink too much though just can tell im relying on it. I had a nice day out but am here alone again now. Mum invited me over for dinner hut i know i have to settle in here and make myself stay in.
 
krista

krista

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it's difficult to live alone. I can sympathise. it gets better with time though. but maybe you could share a house/flat with a good friend or somebody you trust?

but living alone has it's upsides. where everything at home is just the way YOU want it to be. and once you get used to it, it's great.
 
Fuscia

Fuscia

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Thank you krista and thanks for all the hugs x

I guess ive just got to get used to it. Used to being on my own. Its sad though as i feel people should move out of home and into their own family with a new husband. Life doesnt work that way for many of us though.
 
krista

krista

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living alone isn't the worst thing. and it helps to come to terms with oneself.

but husband.. when I realised that I have serious MH issues, I kind of gave up on husbands and such things. I mean, I date sometimes, but a new family isn't the kind of thing that high up my list any more.
 
Fuscia

Fuscia

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You are right, it isn't so bad, living alone, i just have to adjust. I think there are so many other things going on in my life that it impacts on these feelings of being alone in the flat. I am feeling better about it all though. I hope that lasts.

I kind of have resigned myself to not having children or a husband too. I moved into my flat thinking that was me forever now, i'd be there forever on my own. I knew i would have to get used to that. It is very possible it would happen.
 
krista

krista

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I hope it'll get easier for you. :)

and I find that having a family is not the main thing in life. there's all sorts of things to do in life.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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I probably won't have a husband or children either. I am 38 now, and I used to want more than anything to be married and have children, but now I look back and think that it's better I don't have children, because they would have gone through hell and back with me and my mental health problems. I have worked in childcare for 8 years, and plan to continue to do that after I finish my uni course, so I get my kid fix that way.
 
D

Dottyone

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I am 38 too, cant physically have kids, though that dont bother me, dont want sex ever, but would like a life partner either male or female to share the nice stuff in life.

(Dont worry I am not asking)

their is more to life than kids and getting married or having a super large morgage with no money to even buy decent bog roll.

Sod doing what is the Norm, break the mold.
 
krista

krista

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I wanted kids when I was 18, but now... I'm scared of them more than anything else.
also, I am scared that they might have my MH issues or something along the lines. or my issues would scar them for the rest of their lives.
 
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